I ended my relationship last night after a few weeks of contemplating on ending it but didn’t have in me yet.
I’m looking forward to what’s next but I’m going to be honest I’m sad for what could’ve been but accepted it for what it was.
As this is my first breakup, any advice on how to cope?
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I’m proud of you. I know it’s a difficult decision to make, and it’s going to hurt for a while, but you are so strong for listening to and looking after yourself. It’s going to feel pretty weird and disorienting for a while, but please don’t beat yourself up. You might want to reach out to your ex — it’s not worth it… write it all down, put it in a box somewhere, but don’t contact them. You need to give yourself time and space, and that can look however you need it to look. Put their things in a box, and put it somewhere out of sight.
There is no timeline on grief, and it will take as long as it takes to get through it. Don’t be afraid to reach out to others for support, or to a therapist or doctor if you need to. Get all that energy out somehow — dance, scream, cry, run, do whatever you need to. Pour your energy into the things that matter to you, and that you need, whatever that looks like in the moment. One day at a time.
From my last breakup, there were two things in particular that really helped me. A few weeks after it happened, when I wasn’t really functioning at all, I decided I was going to start a journalling practice. A daily writing commitment felt like too much to handle, so I settled on just writing down one single thing that was positive or neutral about my day and which had nothing to do with my ex. Sometimes that was just seeing a cool design, a bright flower, seeing my family, or getting out of bed; other times it was going on a trip, finishing a project, laughing with a friend… it can be as big or as small as you want. Doing it every day might feel silly at first, but after a while you’ll have this wonderful list of all these tiny things that brightened your day, and it subconciousctly trains your brain to notice more and more of those things in your day without you even trying (took about 3 months for this to kick in, but it really helped).
The second thing that helped was a piece of advice from my family. Half of them are Jewish, and in their practice there’s a generally accepted idea that for one year after someone’s death, the person mourning will not be themselves. They will be grieving, and they will likely not be the person we’re used to knowing… Even though I hadn’t experienced a literal death, giving myself permission to not be ok for at least a year helped remind me that this was a big change, and a big loss, and that it was ok to not be alright at any point throughout it. Somehow, just acknowledging that and knowing that the people around me knew I was going through a rough time took some of the weight off my shoulders.
I’m sorry you’re going through it, please know that as cliche as it sounds, things genuinely will get better. It might not be tomorrow, but it will happen. This is for now, not forever <3