My (26F) husband (28M) and I are in the same general career field. I am in corporate / commercial property management and studying for my real estate test, and he is a realtor.
When we first met, I made it very clear how passionate I am about my career, how much I love it, and what my end goals are. Coincidentally, his mom is a realtor, and I think he drew inspiration from both of us to pursue it himself. I moved around my whole life, and he has grown up where we live in a rural area, so he inevitably has extremely strong connections, whereas I don’t have really any without him. Nonetheless, I am still getting my real estate license and hope to make something of it.
On top of this, we also both pursue social media as a side hustle, and it has taken me over 2 years to generate good consistent income (which I know is very hard to do in the first place and I am very grateful for what I have done). However, he started very recently and has blown up. He has created a community for himself. The type of content he produces is far more time-consuming than mine (and is a subject that I just don’t understand much of), which leaves me feeling extremely alone in the evening. When he gets done making content, he sits there and messages his new friends. When we are grocery shopping, he’s messaging his friends.
I absolutely do not want to diminish his work ethic. He is an extremely passionate and hard worker. He is a wonderfully kind, helpful, personable and smart man and deserves all the success in the world. I am so proud of him.
Due to his success in real estate and social media, he put in his notice at his full time job today (which was unrelated to both of the other industries). This is something we discussed thoroughly and I don’t doubt that he will be able to make more than his previous salary in a fraction of the time. However, there is some pressure that I am currently the only consistent paycheck in the household, and I’m feeling so jealous watching him succeed. He will be working from home whenever he wants, doing all the things he loves, enjoying all of his favorites hobbies.
It’s just hard to watch someone else live out your dreams. Yes, I have time to catch up, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck for right now. I have tried to bring it up to communicate my feelings, and I think he felt like I was guilt-tripping him, so I dropped it. Anyways, just needed to let some stuff off my chest before I go to sleep before work tomorrow đ
Comments
Get it off your chest, good for you to support your husband and his career. I understand the jealousy aspect for sure but Iâm glad youâre not making it his problem
Jealousy can be relationship killer. Get some counseling for yourself and go to couples therapy if you can get him to join. A starting point even before counseling is a question to ask yourself Are afraid if he is too successful you will lose him?
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You can both be successful. You should work to find out what aspect of real estate clicks for you. You should not expect that your success will be, or should be, the same as his. Find out what your strengths are and lean into them. You may not need to be front and center on a website in order to achieve your goals and be satisfied.Â
No one can manifest your own “dream” better than you. You can do this!Â
See (both of) you on HGTV soon!
ima give you the best advice right now and that is study hard as fuck. let all of the worlds unfairness both humble you and motivate the FUCK out of you. learn from him, thank him, continue to love him. building habits that pertain to unmistakeably unfair and difficult moments created hardened and intelligent individuals. guess whatâs gonna happen if/when something goes wrong? i donât know the dude but chances are heâs got his head in the clouds right now and he doesnât even have to think about âwhat happens if i have to catch upâ. the fact that you are trying to perfect the skills you develop in your field will separate you from about 90% of the entire world let alone your partner. it may never look like it from the outside but you will always be the one with more spirit due to these inhibitions and the inner battles you face. be the best YOU
also there is no need at all to tell him truthfully. what the fuck is that gonna do lmfao give him a heads up ? show it through your actions that you are not to be fucked with and this is yours. fuck the followers just sell houses isnt that your job?
therapy is fucking awesome btw even for things not related to this thatâs one suggestion i agree with
how come you two didnât start a joint channel together? can you post on the same account?
your feelings are extremely valid, and it sounds like youâre almost competing on social media together.
i am sure there is a way for you to enjoy the success together⌠feeling left out really sucks.
I really get where youâre coming from. Your feelings are totally understandable. Iâve been in similar situations and it stinks being torn between feeling happy and proud of their success and simultaneously feeling jealous. I know this sounds lame, but try making a list of your strengths and accomplishments. Just for yourself. Remind yourself that youâre not chopped liver!! And you never know who might be jealous of you!
Damn! Thatâs such a tough situation to be inâwanting nothing but the best for your partner, while silently wondering why you’re being left behind. Your feelings are completely valid. Itâs incredibly hard watching someone else live out the dream youâve been building toward, especially when you’ve been grinding and doing all the right things.
Whatâs beautiful though is that youâve handled this with maturity and self-awareness. Youâre not letting jealousy consume you-you’re reflecting, trying to stay grounded, and still showing him love and support. That takes strength.
Donât downplay what youâve accomplished. Two years of building a consistent social media income? Thatâs huge. Studying, working, staying financially steady-it may not feel flashy, but itâs the foundation of something real.
Youâre building at your own pace, and itâs okay if the timing doesnât match his. Keep going. Youâre not behind, youâre just on your own timeline.
genuinely crying at these replies. thank you guys for all the kind words, i just think i needed to hear something kind
One thing that would worry me…that social media income…that’s not a guarantee. He could be a real thing, or he might be a flavor of the month. And even if he is a real thing, one big flub and he gets trashed by his followers and the dream dies.
So focus on your real estate test. Focus on your career path and your future success. He may be the rabbit, but at the end of the day, the turtle always wins.
But you, as his wife, get to benefit from his success, no?
Sounds more like an affair with how he is behaving. Hiding iCloud etc no banking stuff would be on there but messages and photos would be. If he is âworking lateâ more or having more âmeetingsâ I would consider hiring a PI for evidence and help. There is also the option to ask him direct and bluntly what the hell is going on.
The feelings are normal; you are human. Instead of growing bitter I would try to use these feelings as fuel to drive my own success. Itâs good that you have someone ambitious next to you. It will help you grow. Plus hopefully you will be able to support each other along the way.