So- for context, me (19F) and my partner (19M) started dating almost 2 n a half years ago now, and it’s been a reply good relationship! I love him so much, and honestly i would be lost without him.
Our sex life has always been pretty good, we like to try put new things and just figure out what kinda things we like and don’t like and stuff like that- hes always been respectful of my boundaries most the time, and hes a good partner. Now- when we were around 3 months into our relationship, we DID try anal- but i found it incredibly painful, and it just wasnt for me, so we didn’t bother trying it again.. But after our first year together, he started bringing anal stuff back up again, which, I always told him that I wasnt into that and didn’t want to do that. He of course found anal hot though- so we decided to compromise and try pegging! It was quite fun in all fairness, I did enjoy it, and he REALLY enjoyed it too- and I have no issue with pegging him- but of course I have some hip problems that make mobility hard, so I can’t often do it.. but recently over the past 6 months, he’s been talking about ME doing anal more and more- and yeah, slapping each others asses, poking his d*, fingergunning each other- that’s pretty normal, and im fine with that- but he seems to be CONSTANTLY focusing on my ass, and poking my Ahole through my clothes and making comments about ‘sliding it in’ when we have sex- when he have sex he’ll often ‘go to the wrong hole’ at least 2 or 3 times per. Which- I always try tell him I’m not into that, I don’t like it, and he’ll apologise and well laugh it off… but it’s at the point when I walk up the stairs infront of him, I get nervous and have to cover my ass woth my hand, or when he’s maybe slapping my ass, squeezing it- I have to have my hand over just incase he tries to touch my asshoke..
So, I’ve obviously picked up on his clearly very KEEN interest in trying it, so I decided to try woth a dildo on my own- I managed to get it in and stuff, and i even used one of my other dildos vaginally at the same time (as i can only get off on vaginal) but again, it was just painful, it was uncomfortable and i didn’t like it, it wasn’t for me. Of course, I told my bf I tried it with a dildo, and I regret telling him because its seems like it was just gasoline to a damn fire.. He was saying that I ‘should’ve sent a picture because its the hottest thing ever’ and stuff like that, but it was said in a joking tone, so I didnt take it too seriously, but yeh.. and tonight I’m staying at his- hes asleep beside me as inwrite this- because we had sex a couple hours ago, which, is just whatever.. it started put fine, normal sex, it was fun, I was having fun, he was having fun, I came so on.. but after I came- he asked me if he could ‘eat my ass’.. now- I was hesitant, as I don’t really like the feeling of my ass being wet or damn or sticky, and I told him I wasn’t sure and he said ‘please? It might feel good, and I really want tontry it, because I’ve always found it really hot’, so I gave in and said ok- and I don’t know.. we tried it and it was fine? I guess? I don’t know it’s not something I’d like to do again in all honesty, but I was able to deal with it, UNTIL he stuck a finger in.. it was really sore and I did tell him andnhe pulled it out, and we went back to normal vaginally sex- only for him to pull put AGAIN- and this time, start rubbing his d*ick over it.. I told him we couldn’t do anal as we didn’t have lube and he said that was fine that he wouldnt go in- but it felt like he kept trying to push it in anyways??? I didn’t say anything because didn’t know what the fuck to say at this point so I just stayed quiet.. but at one point he spat again and managed to push the head in- and it was fucking EXCRUCIATING, to the point I physically couldn’t stopnmy body from jumping away from him, and I just looked at him again and said AGAIN ‘No. Fucking. Anal.’ And he apologised yet again, and we went back to vaginally fucking- but by this point i was so sore and turned off and I asked if we could just stop, but I don’t think he heard me and kept going- so I just bit onto the pillow and just hoped it would be over with quickly, until I got a sharp pain in my pelvis (Dunno WHAT it is, but I felt stabbing pain near my left ovary? Dunno, it happens sometimes, but this time it WAS REALLY BAD and I couldn’t move) and of course i just curled up into a ball from the pain and he noticed and pulled out and asked if I wanted to stop and I told him yes. He was upset that ‘he hurt me’ (talking abt the pain in the ovary) and I kept trying to tell him that that wasn’t him, that he’s fine, and I basically had to comfort him, before I managed to lie down again..
I just don’t know what to do. He seems so obsessed with anal, and always making ‘jokes’ about fucking my ass, and I’m trying to find a compromise but it’s just making me so uncomfortable as I just don’t. Like. Ass stuff. And I just feel like a really crappy gf for it and I just don’t know what to do, don’t know how to talk to him about this, especially because I said yes to him eating my ass, which even then was iffy, but I kept saying NO fingers, NO penetrative. NO anal, and I dont want him to think that he ‘assaulted’ me in any way, because I don’t want him being upset about hurting me… but I just feel so gross? Embarrassed? Shitty? Sick? Idk how I feel in all honesty I just know i don’t feel good.. and I have NO idea on what to do…
Comments
Please break up with him, he doesn’t respect your boundaries. I told my wife I’d like to try anal and she isn’t comfortable doing it, so we don’t. I sure wouldn’t want her trying to get in my butt either . Dudes a porn addict I bet
my heart is breaking for you reading this. i know you don’t want to call it assault but you said no multiple times and he disrespected that and even then he is pressuring you.. you need to leave him he is getting to comfortable ignoring your no’s and if im being honest your experience sounded very rapey you should never feel ashamed or gross after having sex.
Your bf has a porn rotten brain and doesn’t respect you or your boundaries. You’re still young and will find someone who actually loves and respects you, leave his ass.
Hey, I just want to say I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. You’ve been incredibly patient and open, and it’s clear you’ve tried to compromise and communicate. But your boundaries were crossed—more than once—and that’s not okay.
You said no multiple times. You were clear about what you’re comfortable with and what you aren’t, and he still kept pushing, joking, and eventually did something that hurt you and violated your consent. Even if it wasn’t “violent,” it still matters. You don’t need to downplay it or feel guilty for not liking something. You’re allowed to have limits.
Please don’t feel like a “bad girlfriend”—you’re not. You respected his interests and even tried things for his sake, but your safety and comfort come first, always. If someone keeps pushing past your boundaries, that’s a red flag. You deserve to feel safe, respected, and listened to in a relationship.
Take care of yourself, and don’t be afraid to talk to someone you trust about this. You’re not alone.
Sit down and have a serious talk about your relationship with him. Let him know all of this that you’ve told us, and if he can’t respect that, then you need to break up with him.
Also as for your hip. Check you don’t have arthritis or hip separation. My wife has arthritis and her hip has pain for a few days ever 3 weeks =( but a gluten free diet seems to help with it.
Please for you own benefit have a conversation with him but I need you to understand that he forcibly put the head of his penis into your ass knowing in the past you weren’t keen on it and also said in the moment no. You need to realise that he did not respect that boundary. He will do it again and one day he might just do what he wants and you will be traumatised emotionally and physically. You are not safe with him sexually. Sex is not about one persons interests, it’s about two people and your boyfriend has repeatedly shown that he prioritises what he wants and what he cares about and him knowing that anal hurts you, that it’s not your thing, shows me you are not safe sexually.
Please please please read what you wrote and instead of imagining yourself and your boyfriend, picture your friend, sister, cousin, any other female in your life and ask ‘what would I say to my friend if she told me this?’ Because I can guarantee you would see the red flags before she does.
I know I’m no one, I’m just a random girl who saw this post on the internet, but I have been in a VERY similar position and at first it’s all ‘hahaha no come on, you know I don’t like it’ and it can flip on a dime.
Please if you ever need to talk – reach out.
Let him know that he can try anal on you so as long as you can get a strap on and try with him…. he goes first.
Edit to add: the persons saying he’s assaulting you are correct and you deserve better.
I had to stop reading because I didn’t want to trigger my PTSD.
Okay so a few ways you could approach this:
Tell him flat out that it’s assault if you say “no” to something and he does it anyway, and ask how he’d feel about you doing something he doesn’t like (nothing bedroom related just maybe adding an ingredient he doesn’t like to his favourite dish and not telling him until he found it, preferably something that he dislikes enough that the idea of it makes him gag), and explain that’s how you feel when he doesn’t listen to you about your boundaries.
Tell him if he doesn’t listen next time when you say “no”, you’ll tell his mom and if she won’t do anything the police will.
If you have a conversation with him about consent and he starts going off about how he has needs too, just tell him flat out that you’re not sexually compatible in that regard and there’s toys he can use to get a similar sensation. If he does care about you, he’ll utilize that instead.
Tell him that he broke your trust and the relationship is over because you no longer feel safe with him.
Hun he has zero respect for you. It’s not a problem that he enjoys anal play but he is for pressuring you. You need to find someone who respects your boundaries and he needs someone who has the same sexual interests.
You don’t even feel safe walking up the stairs in front of him fully clothed…my heart breaks for you.
Ask him if he’s gay.
Never do vaginal after anal.. and he does not respect tour boundaries, how many times will you say no and he will COMPLETELY ignore it 5 seconds later.
Normally I don’t comment on these things as these are truly private matters here and I don’t think others have the right to make claims of “dump him” ect. This is something u have to work out with him. This seems like one problem within a sea of what a relationship is. Sex isn’t the most important but it’s a huge thing and some people want different experiences. Anal is also a rough one as it’s something you would have to aclimate to as it’s not depth that is pain but girth. and alot of lube is 100% needed shouldn’t. Either way this is a respect and boundaries discussion. As for the future th8ngs like these lead to obsessive behavior. So his wants won’t likely change anytime soon. And depend on how your relationship is going Otherwise, depends on how you should move forward. Yall are young so navigating this will be tough for both of you. Relationship on build on just feelings of love. There built on trust, support, overcame hardships, just like any other form of connection. I hope that yall may sit down and communicate thru this part of your relationship and wish you the best!
uhmmmmmmm, this is literal rape. LEAVE HIM.
fuck this makes me nervous, ur living in fear u can never fully let ur guard down with him bc if u don’t protect yourself there he will take advantage of u, if u weren’t sober if u were too drunk or high would he keep u safe and protect u or would he take advantage of something like that? i know what that fear is like ive suffered with that guy for 3 years. its not right u deserve better. this behaviour is so normalized to u so u don’t see how concerning it is. please u don’t deserve this. u deserve care and comfort and to be seen as a human being. not convinced or guilted into it for his own selfish pleasure. the little girl inside u isn’t safe with him. this constant on edge fear always made me anxious and manifested in other parts of my life. please don’t downplay this.
He’s got porn brain.
He already assaulted you by putting in fingers when you only consented to being eaten out. And then I happened again.
Then he started to sulk after everything hurt and you guys stopped. He should feel bad. A partner should want both parties to feel hot and sexy.
And no lube?! Get out of here.
Break up with this wack. It’s clearly not your thing and he will assult you again. Get out now. Let him feel bad all he wants. Tell him to stick it up his damn ass and see how it feels. If he loves it, then he can go right on fucking him self with it, can’t he? Not you.
I hurt got you girl.
if these comments aren’t a sign idk what the fuck is
Your boyfriend is 19 and very likely influenced by porn. You need a serious conversation about your boundaries and what he can expect if he carries on trying to sexually violate you against your will. I’m sure he’s a lovely guy and he’s getting ahead of himself which is common in children his age but that doesn’t excuse you saying no and him still trying. No means no.
But serious conversation. And the next time he tries to put it back there, say no and stop fucking him full stop. He’ll carry on trying as long as he’s getting what he wants.
Set him free to find the anal queen of his dreams.
Set yourself free to find a guy who isnt a sex pest and a nag and frankly, a borderline rapist. A guy who even goes anal to vaginal, my god. He did assault you, and not just once.
You have told him no 5000 times. How many times do you think it will take? why are you willing to endure this bullshit? Why does sex have to be painful every time for you, but he gets to get what he wants? This guy gets sexual pleasure from hurting you.
Why do you think thats okay? This is one manipulative whiny little SOB right here.
This is a major incompatibility. Give yourself the grace of experiencing someone else who will respect your boundaries and love you regardless, and give him the opportunity to be with someone else who enjoys doing that.
This man does not respect you even a little. It’s not accidental. He’s doing things you have repeatedly said no to on purpose, because he cares more about his own pleasure than your pain. It’s disgusting how bad he is treating you, and laughing it off doesn’t make it ok. There is a word for doing something sexual to someone after they have said no and it applies to him.
Also I really hope he washed after forcing himself into your back entrance before going back to vaginal sex.
> but I kept saying NO fingers, NO penetrative. NO anal, and I dont want him to think that he ‘assaulted’ me in any way, because I don’t want him being upset about hurting me
Girl..
I can’t believe I’m saying this about an anal post but TLDR. Get to the damn point lady
This is rape OP. Like it or not, he HAS been assaulting you, and doing things without consent
Some of what you described definitely sounded like SA. He’s not listening, he’s repeatedly crossed boundaries, he is not being remotely respectful of your wishes and your experience, and you do not have to give in to his.
You are super young. I say that only because it means you are both still learning and growing, and coming to understand the world around you. Learn and grow more with someone else, someone who respects you. And you may not want to leave him and you may have feelings for him, but keep in mind that almost everyone who leaves a SO who has been abusive or behaved poorly also has feelings. And leaves anyway. Because you need to.
He probably has ideas and expectations from porn that are not remotely realistic. But that’s not your problem. It’s his. Your problem is getting out of there and finding someone who respects you and listens when you say “no.”
Run. That is assault. Cut and dry. He is forcing his wants and trying to guilt trip you. Manipulative is what he is.
If he really wanted to do it, he would have the items necessary and give you a nice long warm up to ensure you are relaxed and have your consent. He is hurting you intentionally knowing it can cause permanent damage and you do not consent. Saying it one time should be enough. No means no.
Never do anal to vaginally. You will end up with an infection
You’re only 19. I’m 34 and I’ve been in your position and had many shitty exs who didn’t respect my boundaries. I didn’t have anyone to tell me this and even if I had I probably wouldn’t have listened but please put yourself first and leave him. He sexually assaulted you. You are young and you will find someone who respects you but this boy is not him. Don’t sink any more time into him.
You two should break up, he might try to get it from somewhere else if you don’t.
If he’s doing after you said you didn’t want to or was willing to do it he took advantage
He is a predator and you would benefit from a therapist
yeah so he is sexually assaulting you. he does not respect your boundaries or you as a person. he cares about getting off, not your comfort or what you want. this will continue until you either leave him or he normalizes the sexual abuse so much that you don’t care what he does anymore.
I think he’s just young and he’ll need time to grow and mature. You should stick to your boundaries and don’t just give in to stuff just to make him feel okay.
Love is a two way thing. It shouldn’t be one sided. It shouldn’t just be about making one party happy.
You explained your reasons as to why you don’t want Anal, genuine reasons and he should understand.
Its not that you were not open minded about it but you tried and it just didn’t fit your style.
So stick to your boundaries and if he cant respect your choices, then he’s not the right person for you.
You guys aren’t compatible it’s simple. You won’t do butt stuff and he’s dead on butt stuff just end it and let both of you be happy.