Hi everyone,
I (19M) really need some honest advice—especially from women—because I’m feeling emotionally wrecked and scared that I’ve destroyed something incredibly meaningful.
There’s a girl(19F) in my college who’s not just my closest friend—she’s someone I’ve slowly but deeply fallen for. She’s beautiful, brilliant, incredibly logical, and she means the world to me. We’ve built a close friendship over time—joking around, opening up to each other, sharing comfort and warmth. And honestly, she’s been my strongest emotional connection in college.
A few days ago, it was our mutual friend’s birthday. We were out celebrating with a small group, and everything felt amazing. At one point, we were a little tipsy and just relaxing. She put her head on my shoulder for a while. It was such a soft, pure moment that made me feel we were truly comfortable around each other. We even fed each other with our hands. It was a surreal moment for me.
Later, the four of us—her, me, and two mutual friends—got into an Uber to head to a club. She was in the front seat. I was directly behind her in the backseat, and the other two friends sat beside me. There was playful teasing going on among all of us. She made a joke at my expense, just lighthearted stuff. I wanted to playfully tap the back of her head in response—not with any force, just as a cheeky little “bruh stop it” kind of gesture. But in that exact second, she turned her head to look at the driver, and my hand accidentally hit her eye.
It was completely unintentional. But she got really angry as she should. She didn’t say much in the moment, but her body language changed completely. I apologized instantly, again and again—at least ten times. I tried explaining it was a mistake. At one point I gently held her elbow, just to make sure she knew how sorry I truly was. But nothing worked. She was furious and refused to speak to me for the rest of the night.
Later at the club, I tried again. I apologized multiple times. One of our friends told her, “Come on, it was just an accident. He clearly didn’t mean to hurt you.” But she still seemed cold. When we all sat down, I could feel the tension. Her mood had completely shifted. I wanted to break down right there.
Still, I tried to fix things by getting her a bouquet of flowers. When i offered them she looked surprised. She said it wasn’t necessary, that “it was already okay,” but I could tell it really wasn’t. I just didn’t know what else to do—I wanted to show that I was truly sorry.
She seemed okay when we were returning home.
But since that day, everything’s changed. Her texts are dry—just one-word replies. Before, we used to talk for hours, joke, and share our thoughts. Now I feel like I’m talking to a wall. We haven’t had a proper conversation in days. I feel like I’m being given the silent treatment. She has been busy with some fest related work in college lately.
I feel like I’ve completely lost her trust. Worse, I think I have made her feel unsafe.
So ladies, I need advice—especially from women. If you were in her place, how would you feel? Would you feel hurt or scared? Would a sincere apology and gesture like flowers matter to you, or would it feel like too much?
And what should I do tomorrow? Should I wait for her to approach me, or go up to her myself? I was thinking of maybe saying something like, “I thought I joined the silent treatment club,” in a lighthearted way—but I also don’t want to make it worse. Should I even try, or just give her space?
I don’t want to lose her—not just because I like her, but because she’s my closest friend in college and she is very precious to me. I miss her. I just want to make things right. I never meant to hurt her. I could never in a million years.
Please be honest with me. Any advice or perspective would help. Thank you so much for reading.
TL;DR:
Accidentally hit my friend in the eye while joking around in a car. Apologized many times and got her flowers. She seemed okay briefly but has been distant and dry ever since. I’m scared I’ve lost her trust. How do I make things right?
Comments
yeah, i don’t know what her deal is. that’s not that big of a deal, especially since you apologized and got her flowers. unsure what your next move is. it was clearly an accident and everyone acknowledges this.. i guess just ask her what’s the problem? i wouldn’t think anything of it had it happened to me.
Give her space. Let her cool down. Try talking or texting her in a few days. Apologize profusely and offer to take her to lunch. If her opinion of you has changed you will know for sure then.
Assuming your version of the story is correct, this is an honest mistake from you (one that most people have done in their lives), and a MASSIVE overreaction from your friend. There might be something else going on thats putting her in a bad mood?
If she liked you back she wouldnt get that mad over this small thing. Sorry bro
Sounds like you have done your part already, anything extra you lose any semblance of self respect. Ball’s in her court, time to wait and see.
Tbh this is probably not the girl for you and you are dodging a bullet down the line. If she acts like this over an accident, imagine a future with her when you face real adversity together. I am twice your age and I have been where you are. I was with someone who had an unstable attitude and brushed it off as immaturity for many years because I loved her. You are young and I know its hard, but don’t make the same mistake I did. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Give it time, do not obsess over it, you apologized, there is no need for you to prostrate yourself or do anything else, it left no lasting damage and it was a complete accident, I’d say that your behavior is probably going to achieve putting her off more than anything else, because you are seeking validation from her regardless of what happened, it comes off as very needy.
Give it time, a simple apology and checking up on her was already good, flowers is probably a bit much but not bad. Give her time and do not do things expecting her to feel or react in a certain way, if she likes you or appreciates you it will work itself out.
She may have a history of trauma or abuse that you are not aware of. Her getting hit accidentally may have rubbed her the wrong way. I would just give her some time and space to process it. Tell her you will be there when she wants to talk.
My best guy friend accidentally punched me (lightly!) in the face at a blockbuster video when we were teenagers and it became one of our favorite in-joke stories of our friendship. He was shocked and apologized in the moment, I recognized that it was a complete freak accident where I moved and he didn’t expect it, and we both laughed. TBH if I had been mad in the moment and he had followed me around like a sad little duckling saying how sorry he was for the rest of the night I’d have been majorly turned off over the whole incident.
You’ve clearly turned this from a one-off moment into A Whole Thing and I think you need to back off and leave this poor girl alone for a bit. It sounds like she’s sending you some pretty clear signals. Instead of over-engineering whatever happens next, try to live in the uncertainty and feel out the vibes the next time you see her socially, but don’t press it. She’ll either come around or she won’t, but if you continue to make this incident in a big deal, you’re really never going to see if she can move past it.
I would stop apologizing because she already knows you’re sorry, because you’ve said it and your actions have proved that you are. If you keep apologizing on repeat, it might feel like you are begging/groveling, which is generally a turn off.
What I would do is say, “hey, I might be in my head about this, but our interactions since the incident are feeling a little distant. If this is just in my head, please let me know so I can snap out of it. If things are different with us now, then I’m feeling a little confused about this reaction. From my perspective, this was a small accident, but I understand that you might be feeling something more complicated. Can you help me understand?”
If she says it’s in your head, you have to let it be. Either, it really is and things will be back to normal with time, or, she doesn’t want to talk about it with you and you need to leave it alone.
It’s possible she has been in an unsafe relationship before and maybe you surprised her or triggered something, not that what you did warrants that, but if she has something unresolved, you never know the misconceptions your brain can create. I saw my abusive ex in traffic the other day and I was in a grumpy mood for like two days, I didn’t take it out on anyone, but these things happen. I disagree with these other responses saying she’s just not into you, so try not to get too in your head about whether she does or doesn’t; just focus on clear communication regarding this situation.