I’ve been dating my partner for two years already. From the start, he has always been a very sexual person, sometimes even in inapropiate ways or scenarios, in which his response to me saying that I was sad was trying to “cheer me up” by sending me nudes, although in that sense, he has been improving and getting better. I’ve always though this was a matter of our relationship being the first he has ever had.
At some point in the relationship, this even resented my libido towards him, since he was very pushy with me whenever he felt like having sex, and not fully understanding that it had to be something we both wanted at the time, or that I wouldn’t feel like it if he just straight up started humping me out of nowhere instead of, I don’t know, both getting horny in a progressive and natural manner.
Recently, his libido has gone over the roof. Masturbating multiple times a day and even going to the bathroom to masturbate if I don’t feel like having sex at that moment (let’s say, I’ve just woken up, I’m still dizy and he feels like having sex, instead of waiting for me to wake up or simply waiting it out, if I’m not receptive, he just goes to the bathroom right away).
Also, we’re considering opening up the relationship, and as such, we’re experimenting and going slowly, talking about sex with some friends that are also receptive to us. The thing is that, I see him talking about sex and sending pictures through the group chat almost AT ALL TIMES DURING THE DAY?
These friends of ours have been friends for the longest time and we have been feeling like they were also interested in us, but they have stated in multiple ocassions that they want to move slowly, and not send anything explicit, yet he needs to be reminded of this almost every few days, since he keeps going over the boundary and sending pictures.
Yesterday, he went back to his hometown for the first time since we have been together, and as we were going to call each other to say good night, I asked him to see his room since I’ve never seen his childhood room and he flashed his dick on the camera twice, even if I told him I was not feeling like it… and as we closed the call, he went to the gp to keep talking sex for another hour
How do I make him understand that he is making me feel unconfortable? We have sex as normal but whenever I bring up this topic he gets super insecure and it ends up being a horrible conversation, how do I bring this up in a healthy manner for both of us?
tl;dr my boyfriend is getting more and more sexual and I don’t know how to deal with it without affecting the way I feel towards him
Comments
Dude. You’ve told him many times. The only logical answer is him not caring about your boundaries or comfort. You can’t force him to be a kind and caring person who listens to your very reasonable requests.
Yuck. Get a better boyfriend.
He knows how you feel, he just doesn’t care. Pushing sexual stuff on you when it makes you uncomfortable has a name, you know. Your boyfriend is a disgusting creep.
Why are you even dating this clown? He sounds repulsive.
If your boyfriend constantly makes you uncomfortable, he is not the guy for you.
It sounds like he might be struggling with an addiction… which is no excuse for not respecting your boundaries. I’ve been in a relationship like this before (without the open relationship element) and it lead to some non-consensual sex through coercion… I really stopped wanting sex with him and he ramped up the pressure. My current partner wouldn’t dream of having sex with me if he had to convince me…. For healthy men it should be a turn off that your partner is not wanting sex, not a reason to convince them
He has no self-control. Goes and masturbates straight away before even letting you wake up? err. Seems like he just cares about getting off. Talking about sex all the time on chat is not normal either.
Sending sexual material when you’re upset? He obviously has very little empathy. No normal person wants nudes when they’re upset.
He has no respect for your or your friends’ boundaries and that has nothing to do with it being a first relationship. He just humps you when he’s horny, even when he knows you’re not into it? That’s gross behaviour and extreme boundary crossing. He sends sexual messages to your new friends despite being reminded daily. He’s not forgetting. He just doesn’t respect them or their boundaries.
He’s shown you who he is by disrespecting the boundaries. Don’t expect this to change when you’ve already voiced your concerns and he doesn’t care enough to act differently.
You’re in a relationship with a sex addict. This is something he should seek therapy for, since it seems to affect his life and relationships. You deserve to be in a relationship with love and not just lust. I don’t know if you’re a marriage & kids type of person, but if you are… you’re wasting your time with this person. Even if you’re not, you’re still wasting your time tbh.
He sounds like a pred
>he was very pushy with me whenever he felt like having sex, and not fully understanding that it had to be something we both wanted at the time, or that I wouldn’t feel like it if he just straight up started humping me out of nowhere
This is not something you excuse with “oh it’s his first relationship he doesn’t understand.”
He understands. He’s 27 FFS. He just doesn’t care about your boundaries or anyone else’s. He is not a safe person to be having a relationship with, and inflicting him on your friends is only going to make everything worse.
And it SHOULD affect the way you feel about him. It should sicken you.
Get away from him. One day he’s going to assault you.
Just break up with him.
Jfc. This is not normal. He has a problem, a problem he has to admit he has, and a problem he has to solve. You can’t fix this. You can’t make him understand. You can only leave for your own sake.