I’m F18, my boyfriend is M23, and I know what I’m about to say will upset some people… but I’ll admit it:
I think absolute honesty isn’t always necessary in a relationship. I’m not talking about major betrayals, but about those little lies that can sometimes avoid unnecessary awkwardness.
Example: when he tells me everything’s fine when he’s a little jealous, or when he hides the fact that he hates something I love just to avoid ruining the mood. Honestly, I prefer that to a cold comment or a pointless argument. I think knowing how to “lie well,” intelligently and respectfully, is sometimes a sign of relationship maturity.
I prefer it when he keeps certain things to himself, as long as it doesn’t destroy the overall trust.
And sometimes, I do the same.
Am I toxic… or realistic? 😅
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Backup of the post’s body: I’m F18, my boyfriend is M23, and I know what I’m about to say will upset some people… but I’ll admit it:
I think absolute honesty isn’t always necessary in a relationship. I’m not talking about major betrayals, but about those little lies that can sometimes avoid unnecessary awkwardness.
Example: when he tells me everything’s fine when he’s a little jealous, or when he hides the fact that he hates something I love just to avoid ruining the mood. Honestly, I prefer that to a cold comment or a pointless argument. I think knowing how to “lie well,” intelligently and respectfully, is sometimes a sign of relationship maturity.
I prefer it when he keeps certain things to himself, as long as it doesn’t destroy the overall trust.
And sometimes, I do the same.
Am I toxic… or realistic? 😅
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
It’s a spectrum, I’d agree that 100% complete and brutal honesty is not the optimum. Maybe 99.5%?
NTA
There is a difference between white and black lies. White lies are told to make someone feel better. It’s like telling a child that they’re great at drawing. Even though it’s rubbish 🤷♀️😅
They’re lies that don’t hurt anyone.
People who are only ever „honest“ are usually assholes who love hurt other people.
It’s totally ok and right not to want to hurt people. And therefore to tell white lies. You just have to be honest with yourself and the Intention of your lie – if you tell your Partner that you didn’t tell him you cheated because you didn’t want to hurt him, that’s total bullshit. You only want to protect yourself with lies like that. Or to spare yourself an unpleasant situation. And not to protect the other person. These black lies are deceitful and evil.
I have to agree. I was like this with my ex who expected 100% brutal honesty, and he would give me the same in return.
I had to tell him over and over again that I simply do not want to know (if he thinks another woman is attractive, if he spoke to someone in the time we were broke up etc).
Privacy and appropriateness is so important to me. Knowing every tiny little detail of someone’s thought process because they value ‘honesty’ is just not how I wanna be. Because best believe if they think that way, they’ll expect the same from you.
Complete honesty is not the best policy.
I learned this really quick in my relationship. My partner’s mom would say disparaging things about me or express how she didnt like me. My partner would tell me every single detail of what she said.
Let me also be clear, he didn’t just let her. He’d also defend me and made boundaries with her. We’re still limited contact with her.
Knowing every little thing she’d nitpick was terrible on my mental health. So yes. Sometimes we need to omit things others have said.
I’m not sure how much of that is lying rather than personal emotional management.
Like you can acknowledge yourself if you dislike something your partner likes, but you don’t have to rub it in. The center of attention should be their enjoyment, and you DO in fact like that, I hope.
Same with something like “irrational” feelings: bouts of jealousy can happen. Mood can be bad. There’s many factors, like sleep, food, illness, work or social stress etc. Like why make an emotional statement over something I know for a fact doesn’t bother me any other day?
100% honesty is 100% necessary for things that could linger and fester and actually become issues.
But if it’s something that is temporary and goes away with a trace like feeling triggered by how your partner burbs after you’ve just pulled an all-nighter? Nah, why make them feel bad. Like it’s okay to ask them to manage their volume, but a “stop fucking burping I’m about to explode from this disgusting shit!” isn’t okay even if in that moment that’s how you might truthfully feel.
I don’t see these as lies personally since the overall “truth” still is communicated and aligns.