Those who have lost parents: how did your life and personality change afterwards?

r/

Either parents or a parental figure who you were close with.

For me, I had a very hard time with grief and I think it permanently altered my personality. I’m doing much better now that it has been a few years, but even when I’m not actively grieving, I can tell my personality has dimmed. Curious to hear about other people’s experiences!

Comments

  1. New-Environment9700 Avatar

    I had a breakdown because I didn’t process it right away. If you don’t deal with your trauma it has a way of coming out in an unhealthy way. I eventually got into therapy to work on my issues in a healthy manner.

  2. Rpizza Avatar

    Lost my dad a year and half ago. I’m 47 now. It was rough and I’m still trying to get through it

  3. fleetiebelle Avatar

    My mother died in January after declining with dementia for several years. For me, the grief wasn’t sharp, because we lost her little by little over time. It does hit me in waves, like when I see a movie I think she’d like, or something happens that I want to tell her about. This weekend will be hard, because she used to love Easter, and would put together baskets for everyone and host the family for a big meal. I miss her, and miss having someone who loved me unconditionally and knew me better than anyone else.

  4. Individual-Gur-7292 Avatar

    I lost my mother when I was a teenager and it honestly has been life altering. It has been years since but there is still a huge gap in my life and I miss being able to see her, seek her advice or just hear if she is happy with how I turned out. I am so sad for her that she never got to meet her grandchildren as she would have been the best grandma. I am coming up to the age she was when she died and that is another strange thing to come to terms with.

  5. danmei Avatar

    Lost my mum 2 years ago and my dad this January. Especially losing my mum was traumatic and I spent 2023 in the depths of grief.

    It has changed me in the sense that seeing my mum after she passed away hammered it home that absolutely nothing matters. No job, no partner, no friend is more important than my peace of mind and wellbeing, so if something feels toxic, if someone makes you feel like shit, just walk away. Don’t fight and try to change them, don’t look back.

    I guess losing parents is a life stage in its own right and part of growth as a human being. The transition is rough, but it reminds you of what matters and what does not. All I can do is live my life and try to live well and get as much enjoyment as I can out of it, so that my mum and dad’s sacrifices weren’t in vain.

    I just keep walking.

  6. Mother-Pen Avatar

    My parents were abusive/neglectful and my life honestly got better after both of them died. Dad dying was semi difficult in 2011 and my mom dying in 2018 was less so. I took care of her but I was not there the moment she passed.

    They were both diagnosed with cancer and died within 6 months of being diagnosed. My perspective on life will forever be different because of this. At any point I could get cancer and die in 6 months- I’ll never again do anything I don’t want to do. Life is short.

    My boyfriend died last year in an accident at 34. That grief is life altering. I am not who I was. I talk to him everyday still- light candles, thank him, etc. I feel like he’s still with me. I have a lot more patience and compassion and softness that I know how to express in a healthy way now. There is a stillness in me that is closer to defeat than peace.

  7. Salty-Paramedic-311 Avatar

    ❤️ to all… mine are in still here in their 80’s but are ready to go!!! I hate when they talk like that!!!

  8. bubbleflowers Avatar

    Lost my father in divorce when I was a preteen. My mother passed away almost three years ago. It absolutely crushed me. I’m still dealing with grief. I think in some ways I’m much darker than I used to be. It broke something in me.

  9. Purple_Rooster_8535 Avatar

    My dad died when I was 16. Im almost 28 now. I’m not the same person. Losing your parent as a teen is one of the hardest losses. I am not the same person and I never will be again

  10. ALilStitious_ Avatar

    I lost my mom twelve years ago and my dad two years ago. I’m 35 for reference. My mom’s death was challenging in its own unique way, but I have changed as a person since my dad died. Not for the worse necessarily, but I’m just… different. Harder. Less tolerable of people. I have so much grief and I don’t think I know what to do with it most of the time. I process it and feel it when it comes up, but it just feels never ending. I miss who I was when I had both of my parents.