should i move in with my boyfriend and leave everything behind?
i am very confused right now. i have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now, and his plan is to join the air force and get stationed somewhere out of state (we dont have a station in the state we live in). problem is, i cant spend 5-7 days with him without needing a break for a couple of days. in my current situation, i dont have the physical, financial and mental stability to be able to move somewhere far away from all my support i have now. im battling a chronic disorder which leaves me barely able to work as is, and i cant imagine leaving my family. theres still a lot of moving pieces, like some places i would be willing to move to that are close like washington or california. anything further however is out of the question for me. EVERYTHING i have here i wont. doctors, therapists, friends, family, literally everything. ive processed this for a while, so im getting more used to the idea of starting over. im the type of person that doesnt leave things behind easily like my boyfriend. im scared. im not sure if i can right now, since the next boot camp deployment is in june. the thing that makes me so confused is whenever we talk about the possibility of me not being with him i spiral and breakdown. yesterday i “broke up” with him because i was trying to avoid more heartache and kind of speed the grieving process along instead of waiting until june to find out if he can even go. when i talk to my friends about their relationships and if they think they could live with that person its always a straight and easy yes. for me it isnt. ive always been the person that needs alone time, but i dont know how that will work when i live with someone and theyre constantly around me and borderline clingy. its just not how i operate.
before we got together, i was in contact with my old teacher that i had a crush on in school. i can imagine living with him, but not with my boyfriend. i feel like a horrible person. i dont know what to do or what would be the best strategy. im also not sure i want to get married because he is my first boyfriend, and i want to experience more. that sounds really awful but animals in the wild pretty much never only have one mate. ive been told this mentality is normal, but i still feel like a wiener. im so confused. i cant stand the thought of him leaving, but im not sure if i can live with him either. i probs need much therapy 🙂
TL;DR;im not sure im willing to move in with my boyfriend, im not over my past, and want to experience more people in my life. i love him so so much and the thought of him leaving kills me, but im not sure i can be able to spend so much time with him consistently when we have a home together solely because i need personal space a lot of the time. from everyone. im scared and confused. if we dont move forward, i am thinking about breaking up with him to speed up the grieving process for the both of us. but i dont want to. but i do? HELP
Comments
People change a lot at your age.
It’s okay to break up for any reason. Especially for good reasons.
You kinda answered your own question when you say you are young and not sure you’re ready not to meet other people. And you don’t want to live with him because you need personal space right now.
You shouldn’t not move and stuff for you to then break up because you just can’t stand the situation so best to tell him you love him but you are not ready for this massive step in your life because your young and feel you haven’t got to that stage in your life. And break it off for both of your well-being.
Do not move to be with him.
Look at the move independently. Could you get a good job in the new location, or move your business there and grow it? Will you be able to keep playing your sport at your level? Are there activism and volunteer opportunities you are interested in? Can you get involved with people doing your hobby? Can you afford to get your own apartment, or are there plenty of roommate-wanted ads?
If you would move there on your own, for your own reasons, it might be good to move there at the same time and have someone around to explore the new city once a week.
But if he joins the air force and starts getting moved around all over the place, you will either be on your own a lot anyway, or you will have to move your whole life every time his assignment changes. Do you want to move to a lot of new places that you have not chosen for your own reasons? To you, is that an adventure or a giant pain in the neck?