I (21f) have had feelings for my best friend for as long as I can remember. I’ve told him before, only after I’ve had way too much to drink. He’s never really responded, just kinda brushed it off and changed the subject. I’ve always interpreted this as he does not feel the same way.
He’s also been in a relationship pretty consistently, not with the same girl but they’re always long term. He’s in the process of moving to another city with his current girlfriend.
Obviously this is devastating to me, but I care more that he’s happy than anything else. So I of course support his decision.
My problem is that being in love with him has caused issues in every relationship I’ve ever been in. My head always goes back to him. I can see an incredible, fun, and happy future with him. I’m anxiously attached and insecure, but I know that I trust him completely. With the boyfriends I’ve had, I just don’t ever feel the same way about them. I like them and love them of course, but it’s not the same level of deep understanding and love. Not even close. So when the guys I’ve dating start talking about marriage and kids and “forever”… I panic. I know they aren’t the right person for me. But the right person doesn’t want me back.
I know that my best friend and his current girlfriend won’t last. I see them talk to each other and I can see there is resentment between them. They’ve broken up before. I always feel like I’m waiting for my turn, but I should probably just get it through my head that he doesn’t feel the same way about me.
Yall, I don’t know what to do. It feels so irresponsible even pursuing other people when I know I’m not going to love them the way I love my best friend. It feels unfair to them. It also feels unfair to me though, to just reject the possibility of finding love because some guy doesn’t like me back. Any advice for ya girl?
TL;DR: in love with my best friend who doesn’t love me back, what should I do?
Comments
Your best friend doesn’t love you back, he is not the right person for you. He is the wrong person you are fixated on because you have refused to try to get over him. If you actually want to have a chance at a real, healthy relationship with the actual right guy, you need to stop talking to your friend until your romantic feelings are gone. You are lost in the sauce, for lack of a better phrase.
You are being unfair to yourself, but you have to do the hard thing and the actual work it takes to move on, and again that means going no contact for some time. It could take months, it could take years, I don’t know. He’s had every opportunity to be with you and he does not want you. I’m not going to psychoanalyze you and try to determine where your insecurity and avoidance nature comes from because that would not be particularly helpful on reddit, but you absolutely should seek therapy. I think it would be greatly beneficial.