It can be difficult and unpredictable — mood swings, instability. But with support, treatment, and understanding, the relationship can be strong and meaningful. I really liked the series Brassic, where the main character has bipolar disorder.
I just got out of a nine month relationship with once. At his best, he was tender and caring. At his worst, he physically abused me, mocked my intelligence and anxiety, and told me he seeked out someone to rape him so he could “understand my trauma better” and make me not afraid to engage in penetrative sex.
I have schizoaffective disorder and have been around people with BD quite a bit. It mostly depends on where they are with treatment, medication, and mindfulness. You can live a stable relatively normal life with BD, but if you’re at the start of you treatment journey and don’t have a grip on things, it can be hell.
OP, if you really want to know what it’s like being in a relationship with someone with bipolar disorder, you should see about attending groups for loved ones of individuals with MH disorders. NAMI offers these sorts of groups as well as other organizations.
There are multiple types and like most mental illness this shit is on a spectrum.
When I was unmedicated I was not a fun person to be around. When I was depressed it was hard to get me to do much or talk to people. When I was hypomanic(I have type 2) I was also depressed but really angry and irritable on top of it. I never got physical and never would but my temper was short and I could yell loud. I imagine because of my size that can be scary.
Now that I’m stable, medicated, and in therapy? I’m the man she always dreamed I could be. So I stay stable, medicated and in therapy. Not only for my wife, but because it has made my life infinitely better. I still cycle on occasion but I know my triggers and how to deal with them.
So if the person is managing the illness well it’s probably fine. If not then it’s probably not going to be a fun ride. Also look out for substance abuse problems.
Married for twenty years. One very serious involuntary hospitalization involving psychosis. Some near misses. Commitment and a support system and good insurance is key. I don’t know what else to say. It’s all very individual.
I have a couple of friends who are bipolar. Everyone is different, but you learn to notice the signs and you can tell how they are. The most helpful thing you can do for them is to be consistent. Don’t change to suit their moods.
Don’t get upset when they lash out. It isn’t about you. Don’t try and cheer them up when they’re low. Don’t try and pull them down when they’re manic. Be their anchor to what’s “normal”. That will help them know when they’re off kilter and by how far. It will help them work on it themselves. Don’t tell them they’re “off”. Be the set point so they can see for themselves.
Once you both trust each other, it can be just like any other relationship.
As the bipolar partner, I am hyper aware of my disorder. I don’t want it to hurt my partner. I was controversially given the diagnosis as a toddler and my disorder either mimics or includes ADHD and autism symptoms. Both disorders were not commonly given to girls when I was young. Since every emotion growing up was associated with my disorder, I learned to bottle it up and just not show much emotion. I was quiet as a kid. As a result, I struggle communicating with my husband at times about how I feel. I am so use to masking, I forgot how to express. I am learning.
It’s hard, but it can be beneficial since people with mental illness are often in therapy and have a professional to help with issues in the relationship
I think it depends if the bipolar is successfully medicated and regularly and consistently takes medication or not. Bipolars who go off their meds are problematic.
I have been symptom free since 2017 when I started on lithium as my main mood stabilizer.
Drugs and alcohol abuse are comorbid with bipolar disorder as well which is something to consider.
I’m heavy BPD. There is a specialized therapy for it called DBT and it can basically put BPD into remission. The therapy isn’t about healing the trauma that caused BPD, it’s about managing the insane reactions to endless triggers. Even after doing 18 months of DBT therapy I’m still hesitant to get into a relationship. It’s not my fault that I had significant trauma from 1 years old through most of my life. The thing is it’s not a partner’s fault either. Unless I can be a good and stable partner I really have no business finding someone.
I definitely wouldn’t recommend it. I feel bad saying that cuz that sounds like I think they should be forever alone, but it just takes a very patient and forgiving person to make that relationship work. I’m both but not to the degree necessary, and I don’t think most people are, but it is possible.
My last partner didn’t trust doctors, would resort to medication only after a manic episode and then abruptly stop taking the medication again when he felt better. He destroyed nearly every part of my life, in permanent ways.
My current partner goes to his doctor regularly, takes medication properly, attends therapy, tracks his symptoms and addresses them immediately with the help of a medical professional. He’s also careful to communicate to me when he notices he’s on an up or down swing so I can be prepared, and is open to having me tell him things I’m noticing or need from him. Honestly, I feel safer with him than a neurotypical person because he’s so mindful of how he deals with his health and how he treats me.
In short, the bipolar matters way less than how they choose to deal with it.
It was OK until they stopped taking their meds, successfully hid the fact that they stopped taking their meds past the point of no return, and then blew up 3 people’s lives forever.
I’ve (we’ve) speculated my partner has it, but never officially diagnosed. She can go from crying happy tears because she loves me so much to getting irritated and upset in seconds because I’ve asked her to repeat something she said that I didn’t catch.
At the beginning of our relationship, I would retaliate and get angry as well, escalating the whole situation. But it takes patience and staying calm. Explaining things slowly and sometimes just giving each other space. We’ve been living together for almost two years now and things are great. Whenever there’s big emotional swings (again it might very well not be bipolar, but people around me have suggested it could be) I either just roll with it or try to rationalize the emotions by taking apart what just happened. Usually that gives some perspective on the scenario that just played out and calms things down.
Overall right now I’d say 95% of the time she’s the sweetest, funniest and most clever girl I know. The other 5% is just what it is. I try and learn from every instance so I can better myself to deal with it.
I’ve never had a romantic relationship with someone experiencing BPD, but my brother has it—untreated. It’s a very toxic relationship, especially if they self-soothe with destructive habits that lead to destructive behavior, inwardly and outwardly. The good times are amazing and the bad times are unbearable. There’s a lot of heartache knowing and believing in their potential while coming to terms with they may never reach it or become their best selves. Because he refuses to seek help and change, I have no clue what it’s like to be close to someone trying to work through their BPD. He had estranged himself from the rest of my family, relying solely on me, which was in part emotional abuse and manipulation. Now he’s estranged himself from me. Since this falling out, I can’t help but feel relieved from the constant pushing and pulling. I tolerated his behavior for so long because he is my brother and I didn’t choose him be that; you have a choice.
It’s chaotic. Not for me. They don’t do plans. Everything they do is on a whim. They don’t have a sleep schedule and expect you to adapt to their crazy sleeping hours that beat no compatibility to basic human health needs. They will expect you to sleep til 4 pm one day then stay up til 5 am and work at 6 3 days in a row. They usually use a lot of drugs and substances. They steal. They have risky unsafe sex with the most random people on a whim. They make impulsive decisions like spending money on things they can’t afford on a whim. Adopting a pet they can’t afford right after losing their job. Everything they do to harm you is justified because it’s their mental illness. Taking care of this person and trying to keep them safe from their own impulsive behavior will become your full time job they will literally expect you to quit your career to take care of them. They don’t take their meds consistently. They lie about skipping their meds. They have the energy of a toddler and then they have the emotional regulation of a toddler as well. They randomly get depressed and cry and have mental breakdowns about things they made up in their own head to have something to be upset about. They do not care about their health. They don’t care about eating healthy or exercising. They care a lot about substance use, alt bullshit music subcultures, and shitty dive bars. They love to hang out with similarly unmotivated losers, but like to date well adjusted people so that you will be responsible for keeping them alive. They cry for every unnecessary thing they want like toddlers. They don’t do housework. They live in filth. They are the most erratic and unpredictable people you will ever meet. Their emotional reality has nothing to do with what’s going on in their life or the world around them. They expect to be allowed to coast through life with zero effort and have everything handed to them by whoever has the unfortunate luck of being in their presence. Massive sense of entitlement. They are impulsive. They cheat. They lie. They forget they lied and the truth comes out. They sometimes think violence is justified if they’re the one doing it. They think they’re superior to everyone. Then they think you’re a bad person for being better than them. They leave the stove on. They steal things and pawn it off for drugs or leave the cash lying around in nonsensical places. They do not plan. They refuse tofollow any schedule. They do not exert any effort to be accountable to other people. They will show up at your house with no notice whenever the fuck they want to regardless of whether you are ok with it. You’re a bad person if you refuse them at that point. 2 am? 3 pm? It could be any time. They don’t care what you’re doing because “enjoying” their mania with you (no consenting party) is more important. They will go on long drives to other states unplanned, on pure impulse, and then call you to save them from states away. They only think about themselves and whatever they want in that immediate moment. No sense of delayed gratification. No resilience. No discipline. No responsibility. No respect for boundaries. I don’t think anyone is worse to date.
Wow. I’m the one with the diagnosis and reading most comments here kind of messed with my day. Apparently I’m a deranged guy that’ll abuse others and make life living hell for those around me.
Had to deal with it for 2,5 years. Incredibly difficult, lots of mood swings paired with frequent suicidal thougths (at least in my ex’s case). Super nice moments can turn into nightmares in seconds. Then these nightmare segments become more frequent and severe. One of the worst things about this is it doesnt really matter how hard you try to help your partner, ultimately you just cant.
At least this was my experience, i also thought i could help her, sacraficed a lot for her but it was all in vain.
Would not try again “fixing” someone like that, not because im selfish but because ive learned that I also need to respect myself. The relationship put me in a terrible state (not only because BPD but it surely played a big role) and I had to work hard on getting back on track emotionally and mentally.
More seriously, hers was extremely well-controlled on the first medication she tried after her first episode ever and it’s really not a part of her life now. I laughed out loud when she recently said that bipolar disorder was easily managed and thus not a worry for our nieces. I guess I haven’t told her my story.
Living with me is a little harder but it’s mostly under control now.
It’s like loving two people in he same body one who dreams with you and the other one who disappears into he storm. Patience, communication and empathy aren’t optional, there lifelines
Comments
It can be difficult and unpredictable — mood swings, instability. But with support, treatment, and understanding, the relationship can be strong and meaningful. I really liked the series Brassic, where the main character has bipolar disorder.
Refrain from asking such questions in public forums. Lots of uninformed and downright ableist opinions circulate around on the internet.
I just got out of a nine month relationship with once. At his best, he was tender and caring. At his worst, he physically abused me, mocked my intelligence and anxiety, and told me he seeked out someone to rape him so he could “understand my trauma better” and make me not afraid to engage in penetrative sex.
I’m trying to refrain from referencing a Katy Perry song XD
It is awful and amazing at the same time!
It has its ups and downs (l am the with it so I can make this joke)
I had one for 4 months and it was hard.
Not doing that again.
sometimes its good sometimes its bad
Either soft or dominant in bed ………..
Run
I have schizoaffective disorder and have been around people with BD quite a bit. It mostly depends on where they are with treatment, medication, and mindfulness. You can live a stable relatively normal life with BD, but if you’re at the start of you treatment journey and don’t have a grip on things, it can be hell.
OP, if you really want to know what it’s like being in a relationship with someone with bipolar disorder, you should see about attending groups for loved ones of individuals with MH disorders. NAMI offers these sorts of groups as well as other organizations.
It has its ups and downs.
Difficult,exasperating, angry, challenging
Hell.
There are multiple types and like most mental illness this shit is on a spectrum.
When I was unmedicated I was not a fun person to be around. When I was depressed it was hard to get me to do much or talk to people. When I was hypomanic(I have type 2) I was also depressed but really angry and irritable on top of it. I never got physical and never would but my temper was short and I could yell loud. I imagine because of my size that can be scary.
Now that I’m stable, medicated, and in therapy? I’m the man she always dreamed I could be. So I stay stable, medicated and in therapy. Not only for my wife, but because it has made my life infinitely better. I still cycle on occasion but I know my triggers and how to deal with them.
So if the person is managing the illness well it’s probably fine. If not then it’s probably not going to be a fun ride. Also look out for substance abuse problems.
You’ll be happy and content in your relationship and then suddenly you are not in a relationship anymore.
I’m never doing it again. Destroyed me emotionally.
Married for twenty years. One very serious involuntary hospitalization involving psychosis. Some near misses. Commitment and a support system and good insurance is key. I don’t know what else to say. It’s all very individual.
I have a couple of friends who are bipolar. Everyone is different, but you learn to notice the signs and you can tell how they are. The most helpful thing you can do for them is to be consistent. Don’t change to suit their moods.
Don’t get upset when they lash out. It isn’t about you. Don’t try and cheer them up when they’re low. Don’t try and pull them down when they’re manic. Be their anchor to what’s “normal”. That will help them know when they’re off kilter and by how far. It will help them work on it themselves. Don’t tell them they’re “off”. Be the set point so they can see for themselves.
Once you both trust each other, it can be just like any other relationship.
As the bipolar partner, I am hyper aware of my disorder. I don’t want it to hurt my partner. I was controversially given the diagnosis as a toddler and my disorder either mimics or includes ADHD and autism symptoms. Both disorders were not commonly given to girls when I was young. Since every emotion growing up was associated with my disorder, I learned to bottle it up and just not show much emotion. I was quiet as a kid. As a result, I struggle communicating with my husband at times about how I feel. I am so use to masking, I forgot how to express. I am learning.
It’s hard, but it can be beneficial since people with mental illness are often in therapy and have a professional to help with issues in the relationship
Independent living with some medical assistance, because lithium has resulted in Parkinson’s and has diminished kidney function. Viet Nam veteran.
It has it’s ups and downs!
It can feed off you and make you feel like you are the bipolar one.
Ask my wife.
I think it depends if the bipolar is successfully medicated and regularly and consistently takes medication or not. Bipolars who go off their meds are problematic.
I have been symptom free since 2017 when I started on lithium as my main mood stabilizer.
Drugs and alcohol abuse are comorbid with bipolar disorder as well which is something to consider.
I don’t know.
I’m heavy BPD. There is a specialized therapy for it called DBT and it can basically put BPD into remission. The therapy isn’t about healing the trauma that caused BPD, it’s about managing the insane reactions to endless triggers. Even after doing 18 months of DBT therapy I’m still hesitant to get into a relationship. It’s not my fault that I had significant trauma from 1 years old through most of my life. The thing is it’s not a partner’s fault either. Unless I can be a good and stable partner I really have no business finding someone.
I definitely wouldn’t recommend it. I feel bad saying that cuz that sounds like I think they should be forever alone, but it just takes a very patient and forgiving person to make that relationship work. I’m both but not to the degree necessary, and I don’t think most people are, but it is possible.
Highly dependent on the person.
My last partner didn’t trust doctors, would resort to medication only after a manic episode and then abruptly stop taking the medication again when he felt better. He destroyed nearly every part of my life, in permanent ways.
My current partner goes to his doctor regularly, takes medication properly, attends therapy, tracks his symptoms and addresses them immediately with the help of a medical professional. He’s also careful to communicate to me when he notices he’s on an up or down swing so I can be prepared, and is open to having me tell him things I’m noticing or need from him. Honestly, I feel safer with him than a neurotypical person because he’s so mindful of how he deals with his health and how he treats me.
In short, the bipolar matters way less than how they choose to deal with it.
It was OK until they stopped taking their meds, successfully hid the fact that they stopped taking their meds past the point of no return, and then blew up 3 people’s lives forever.
I’ve (we’ve) speculated my partner has it, but never officially diagnosed. She can go from crying happy tears because she loves me so much to getting irritated and upset in seconds because I’ve asked her to repeat something she said that I didn’t catch.
At the beginning of our relationship, I would retaliate and get angry as well, escalating the whole situation. But it takes patience and staying calm. Explaining things slowly and sometimes just giving each other space. We’ve been living together for almost two years now and things are great. Whenever there’s big emotional swings (again it might very well not be bipolar, but people around me have suggested it could be) I either just roll with it or try to rationalize the emotions by taking apart what just happened. Usually that gives some perspective on the scenario that just played out and calms things down.
Overall right now I’d say 95% of the time she’s the sweetest, funniest and most clever girl I know. The other 5% is just what it is. I try and learn from every instance so I can better myself to deal with it.
I’ve never had a romantic relationship with someone experiencing BPD, but my brother has it—untreated. It’s a very toxic relationship, especially if they self-soothe with destructive habits that lead to destructive behavior, inwardly and outwardly. The good times are amazing and the bad times are unbearable. There’s a lot of heartache knowing and believing in their potential while coming to terms with they may never reach it or become their best selves. Because he refuses to seek help and change, I have no clue what it’s like to be close to someone trying to work through their BPD. He had estranged himself from the rest of my family, relying solely on me, which was in part emotional abuse and manipulation. Now he’s estranged himself from me. Since this falling out, I can’t help but feel relieved from the constant pushing and pulling. I tolerated his behavior for so long because he is my brother and I didn’t choose him be that; you have a choice.
My brother has it. When he was engaged, I wanted to tell her to turn around, walk away and don’t look back. Luckily, she figured it out on her own.
It’s chaotic. Not for me. They don’t do plans. Everything they do is on a whim. They don’t have a sleep schedule and expect you to adapt to their crazy sleeping hours that beat no compatibility to basic human health needs. They will expect you to sleep til 4 pm one day then stay up til 5 am and work at 6 3 days in a row. They usually use a lot of drugs and substances. They steal. They have risky unsafe sex with the most random people on a whim. They make impulsive decisions like spending money on things they can’t afford on a whim. Adopting a pet they can’t afford right after losing their job. Everything they do to harm you is justified because it’s their mental illness. Taking care of this person and trying to keep them safe from their own impulsive behavior will become your full time job they will literally expect you to quit your career to take care of them. They don’t take their meds consistently. They lie about skipping their meds. They have the energy of a toddler and then they have the emotional regulation of a toddler as well. They randomly get depressed and cry and have mental breakdowns about things they made up in their own head to have something to be upset about. They do not care about their health. They don’t care about eating healthy or exercising. They care a lot about substance use, alt bullshit music subcultures, and shitty dive bars. They love to hang out with similarly unmotivated losers, but like to date well adjusted people so that you will be responsible for keeping them alive. They cry for every unnecessary thing they want like toddlers. They don’t do housework. They live in filth. They are the most erratic and unpredictable people you will ever meet. Their emotional reality has nothing to do with what’s going on in their life or the world around them. They expect to be allowed to coast through life with zero effort and have everything handed to them by whoever has the unfortunate luck of being in their presence. Massive sense of entitlement. They are impulsive. They cheat. They lie. They forget they lied and the truth comes out. They sometimes think violence is justified if they’re the one doing it. They think they’re superior to everyone. Then they think you’re a bad person for being better than them. They leave the stove on. They steal things and pawn it off for drugs or leave the cash lying around in nonsensical places. They do not plan. They refuse tofollow any schedule. They do not exert any effort to be accountable to other people. They will show up at your house with no notice whenever the fuck they want to regardless of whether you are ok with it. You’re a bad person if you refuse them at that point. 2 am? 3 pm? It could be any time. They don’t care what you’re doing because “enjoying” their mania with you (no consenting party) is more important. They will go on long drives to other states unplanned, on pure impulse, and then call you to save them from states away. They only think about themselves and whatever they want in that immediate moment. No sense of delayed gratification. No resilience. No discipline. No responsibility. No respect for boundaries. I don’t think anyone is worse to date.
Wow. I’m the one with the diagnosis and reading most comments here kind of messed with my day. Apparently I’m a deranged guy that’ll abuse others and make life living hell for those around me.
I’m off to bed
Had to deal with it for 2,5 years. Incredibly difficult, lots of mood swings paired with frequent suicidal thougths (at least in my ex’s case). Super nice moments can turn into nightmares in seconds. Then these nightmare segments become more frequent and severe. One of the worst things about this is it doesnt really matter how hard you try to help your partner, ultimately you just cant.
At least this was my experience, i also thought i could help her, sacraficed a lot for her but it was all in vain.
Would not try again “fixing” someone like that, not because im selfish but because ive learned that I also need to respect myself. The relationship put me in a terrible state (not only because BPD but it surely played a big role) and I had to work hard on getting back on track emotionally and mentally.
A rollercoaster with a bad ending
It’s great. I can borrow her meds if I run out.
More seriously, hers was extremely well-controlled on the first medication she tried after her first episode ever and it’s really not a part of her life now. I laughed out loud when she recently said that bipolar disorder was easily managed and thus not a worry for our nieces. I guess I haven’t told her my story.
Living with me is a little harder but it’s mostly under control now.
It’s like loving two people in he same body one who dreams with you and the other one who disappears into he storm. Patience, communication and empathy aren’t optional, there lifelines
You will both need therapy in perpetuity
That is: if you don’t yet speak with somebody professionally, you will
When symptoms persist, the partner sexual desire is too strong. Good and bad, however you take it.