I have a sister who is currently prepped to go in for an emergency c-section to deliver her first baby, and I don’t want to be there—even though I’ve been waiting every single day for this baby to be born.
A bit of backstory:
Around a year ago, my sister moved back to our hometown after having moved away when I was 15. I kept her updated throughout the years on our family, which has always been quite turbulent. We’ve been working on getting closer. It’s been a long road, but we’re in a good place now.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt resentment from our mother. She’s never hidden the fact that she favors our younger sister—the one I helped raise after our father passed away. Our mom had full custody of us (they were separated at the time), and she was always open about struggling with that. Since our dad’s death, I’ve had a very manipulative and toxic relationship with her. I’ve always tried to be present because everyone else seemed to slowly disappear from our lives over the years. I also became the default support person for my younger sister, who struggled with suicide attempts and poor mental health.
Fast forward to now:
I’ve been no contact with my younger sister for about two years. I have two kids, I’m studying social work, and I have a husband. My sister just seemed to take without ever giving. She acted like the world revolved around her, with no awareness or accountability. She’s in her mid-twenties with no desire to get a job, and spends her weekends getting drunk and making bad decisions—then blaming everyone else for the fallout. I became her doormat, and when I finally spoke up, things turned nasty. We haven’t spoken since.
Now to the part that might make me the asshole…
At the beginning of April, I finally made the decision to go no contact with my mother after years of emotional neglect and manipulation. My older sister—the one who is currently giving birth—was obviously exempt from this. We had been working on rebuilding our relationship, and she came over the day after I went no contact with our mom. I laid everything out for her, including how our mother had been using my desire to get closer to my sister to hurt and manipulate me. She would say things like, “Oh, I didn’t see you at the BBQ your sister had that everyone was invited to,” and then gossip about my hurt reaction to my younger sister—while completely ignoring me when I was upset.
When I shared this with my older sister, she validated everything and even told me about times she had witnessed our mom’s toxic behavior toward me. We then discussed her birth plan, and she said she still wanted everyone in the room. I told her that I’d be there and that I didn’t mind who else was there—as long as she felt supported, I was happy.
For the next two weeks, our relationship bloomed. We saw each other more than we had in the entire past year. Without outside influences, things felt genuinely healthy, and we were excitedly preparing for her baby. I couldn’t have been happier.
Three days ago, she was admitted to the hospital due to high blood pressure. It was her due date, so they began slowly inducing labor. We were messaging back and forth the whole time, and I went to visit her for a few hours, making sure she felt supported, informed, and comfortable. I checked in again last night, even offering to bring food or my laptop to help her pass the time.
This morning:
I woke up to a single message from her partner sent three hours earlier: “She’s all go.” I panicked. My kids were running around, full of excitement, yelling about all the Easter Bunny’s hidden eggs. I tried calling her partner—no answer. I was scrambling to get dressed while my kids were going wild. He called me back shortly after and told me that she had been in labor since midnight and that they were now doing an emergency c-section.
I was heartbroken for her, knowing this wasn’t what she had wanted. Then he said, “Your mom’s here and has been filled in more—just ring her.” He knows I’m in no position to call my mother. Worse, she is probably loving the fact that I’m not there. I’m sure she made sure my younger sister was there, so if I show up now, it’ll look like I dropped the ball. It plays perfectly into her pattern—she’s done this many times before.
I asked him if my sister was okay, checked in on him, and congratulated him. I told him the most important thing was that everyone is safe. He ended the call by saying I could come down and sit with my mom, and that he and my mom would try to keep me updated. I wished him all the best.
Then I had a full-blown panic attack. It was so bad that my kids put their chocolate in the fridge because they thought they had done something wrong. That broke me even more.
I don’t want to make this about me—because it’s not. It’s about my sister. But clearly, I’m not needed. And I absolutely will not be calling my mother to be manipulated further. I’m staying home today and focusing on making it up to my kids.
So, does this make me the asshole for thinking about myself when my sister is about to have her baby?
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Backup of the post’s body: I have a sister who is currently prepped to go in for an emergency c-section to deliver her first baby, and I don’t want to be there—even though I’ve been waiting every single day for this baby to be born.
A bit of backstory:
Around a year ago, my sister moved back to our hometown after having moved away when I was 15. I kept her updated throughout the years on our family, which has always been quite turbulent. We’ve been working on getting closer. It’s been a long road, but we’re in a good place now.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt resentment from our mother. She’s never hidden the fact that she favors our younger sister—the one I helped raise after our father passed away. Our mom had full custody of us (they were separated at the time), and she was always open about struggling with that. Since our dad’s death, I’ve had a very manipulative and toxic relationship with her. I’ve always tried to be present because everyone else seemed to slowly disappear from our lives over the years. I also became the default support person for my younger sister, who struggled with suicide attempts and poor mental health.
Fast forward to now:
I’ve been no contact with my younger sister for about two years. I have two kids, I’m studying social work, and I have a husband. My sister just seemed to take without ever giving. She acted like the world revolved around her, with no awareness or accountability. She’s in her mid-twenties with no desire to get a job, and spends her weekends getting drunk and making bad decisions—then blaming everyone else for the fallout. I became her doormat, and when I finally spoke up, things turned nasty. We haven’t spoken since.
Now to the part that might make me the asshole…
At the beginning of April, I finally made the decision to go no contact with my mother after years of emotional neglect and manipulation. My older sister—the one who is currently giving birth—was obviously exempt from this. We had been working on rebuilding our relationship, and she came over the day after I went no contact with our mom. I laid everything out for her, including how our mother had been using my desire to get closer to my sister to hurt and manipulate me. She would say things like, “Oh, I didn’t see you at the BBQ your sister had that everyone was invited to,” and then gossip about my hurt reaction to my younger sister—while completely ignoring me when I was upset.
When I shared this with my older sister, she validated everything and even told me about times she had witnessed our mom’s toxic behavior toward me. We then discussed her birth plan, and she said she still wanted everyone in the room. I told her that I’d be there and that I didn’t mind who else was there—as long as she felt supported, I was happy.
For the next two weeks, our relationship bloomed. We saw each other more than we had in the entire past year. Without outside influences, things felt genuinely healthy, and we were excitedly preparing for her baby. I couldn’t have been happier.
Three days ago, she was admitted to the hospital due to high blood pressure. It was her due date, so they began slowly inducing labor. We were messaging back and forth the whole time, and I went to visit her for a few hours, making sure she felt supported, informed, and comfortable. I checked in again last night, even offering to bring food or my laptop to help her pass the time.
This morning:
I woke up to a single message from her partner sent three hours earlier: “She’s all go.” I panicked. My kids were running around, full of excitement, yelling about all the Easter Bunny’s hidden eggs. I tried calling her partner—no answer. I was scrambling to get dressed while my kids were going wild. He called me back shortly after and told me that she had been in labor since midnight and that they were now doing an emergency c-section.
I was heartbroken for her, knowing this wasn’t what she had wanted. Then he said, “Your mom’s here and has been filled in more—just ring her.” He knows I’m in no position to call my mother. Worse, she is probably loving the fact that I’m not there. I’m sure she made sure my younger sister was there, so if I show up now, it’ll look like I dropped the ball. It plays perfectly into her pattern—she’s done this many times before.
I asked him if my sister was okay, checked in on him, and congratulated him. I told him the most important thing was that everyone is safe. He ended the call by saying I could come down and sit with my mom, and that he and my mom would try to keep me updated. I wished him all the best.
Then I had a full-blown panic attack. It was so bad that my kids put their chocolate in the fridge because they thought they had done something wrong. That broke me even more.
I don’t want to make this about me—because it’s not. It’s about my sister. But clearly, I’m not needed. And I absolutely will not be calling my mother to be manipulated further. I’m staying home today and focusing on making it up to my kids.
So, does this make me the asshole for thinking about myself when my sister is about to have her baby?
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