TIFU by eating 200mg edibles and getting banned from weed for the foreseeable future

Blah blah blah, this didn’t happen today, actually, this was almost a year ago. I’m changing some details to protect people, sooo…

I (24F) am generally a very naive individual. I’ve always had a sense of adventure and desire to experiment, but much to my occasional annoyance, my family is very protective and I’m almost always too honest to rock the boat. Almost.

A few weeks before this all occurred, my friend was telling me about how she took some edibles from her pothead uncle the Easter before, and they were so strong she spent the entire night in a time loop. I’d gotten so sick of not feeling like a “normal” twenty-something who gets into adventure every weekend that after I heard about everything that happened with her, my curiosity had been piqued. The genie was out of the bottle. If my equally sheltered friend was able to “break on through to the other side”, I was going to, too, even if it meant forcing my cousin who I’m best friends with to go with me to the next state over to buy some 100% legal pot.

Well, 4/20 rolls around, and I just so happen to be staying the night with her and her brother that night and we have to go over to their uncle’s place to deliver something to him. He’s having a pot party and so I snap and ask if he has any weed, so he gives all of us pot brownies. Much to my surprise, everything is fine and dandy… until her brother has a panic attack and their worried mother calls an ambulance. Of course this was the weekend my mother was out of town, and of course we have a Ring camera, so I had to call her and explain what was going on and hope to whatever God may exist I don’t get my ass kicked into next millennium, because I can’t get away with nuthin’.

This is not the fuck-up.

Miraculously, I wasn’t fucked over by the cops or burnt at the stake by my mother after her then-boyfriend talked her down. They had a better idea for punishment than the fear I had that night, thinking I was going to jail. What they decided to do instead is let me try some hemp edibles in the privacy of my own home, so I could “get it out of my system” and no longer be tempted to experiment without them knowing. Her boyfriend claimed he did his research (not well enough!) and told me to eat an entire 200mg THCP candy, and I did because I was too ADHD to question it. The last thing I really remember of that night was lying on the couch because I was getting incredibly lightheaded and then laughing hysterically for the next several minutes.

I “remember” little snippets of what happened (that were probably imaginary), like me shouting about how I wanted to go to Venice and ride the gondolas while listening to Sinatra, imagining that I was an elephant who had to think her way back into being human, and believing I could time-travel throughout any point within my life because we lived in the past, present, and future at the same time. I guess because an elephant never forgets? I don’t know. I thought her boyfriend asking me what else I was going to do with the rest of the edibles, and I yelled “MIGHT AS WELL NOT WASTE THEM!” through cackles.

Most importantly, though, I was staring at my own mother like I wanted to marry her for TWO-THREE HOURS STRAIGHT. From my perspective, her skin was glowing, sparkling, and rippling, and I’d never in my addled mind seen anything so beautiful. She also turned into a Claymation cartoon character a couple times and I was wondering how she was doing that, but either way, it was AMAZING! Meanwhile she said I was so still just staring at her and grinning like a madman that she had to come over at one point to see if I was still breathing.

They realized I wasn’t waking up from my trance any time soon, so they had to lift me into a sitting position before they took me upstairs to sleep. For God-knows-why, I started laughing again and this time I was laughing so incredibly hard I almost puked all over the carpet. They dragged me into bed and as my mom was telling me to call her if I needed her (I had no idea how), I was seeing her as an angel wrapped in Egyptian garb. That probably explained why she was shapeshifting so much – she was a supernatural being, obviously!

My poor dumbass then spent the rest of the night hallucinating being put in an ambulance and getting IVs (didn’t happen) and spiders on the wall, but I was too listless to react to any of it and “didn’t want to wake the angel up” — besides, she was scared of spiders. I just wrapped my head under the sheets and mused to myself about how big my veins were (they’re tiny AF) and fell asleep running my fingers on them. The ONE time my overprotective mom allowed me to try anything more than alcohol, and I make a delirious spectacle of myself. Needless to say, I’m not doing weed again any time soon — but merry Bicycle / 4/20 weekend to anyone celebrating!

TL;DR: Everything is dandy when you’re loopy as hell in sweet home Alabama. Don’t do THCP, kids.