Does it become less acceptable to exhibit symptoms of depression as you get older, even around friends? How do you deal with this?
Does it become less acceptable to exhibit symptoms of depression as you get older, even around friends? How do you deal with this?
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In my experience it is less acceptable to exhibit symptoms of depression past about age 13. Yes, even around friends.
As for how to deal with it… Beats me? I dunno. It was just the environment I grew up in. I don’t know any other way.
This is gonna be an unpopular take but yes, it is. Even the most open-minded people will look at a man somewhat sideways if he outright says that he’s depressed. Hell your best friend might empathize but immediately follow it up with you. Just gotta do XYNZ to get over it. That’s why if you as a man have somebody you can truly open up to and have them listen to you without judgment and with compassion and empathy. You should do everything in your power to make sure that you let them know how grateful you are for them because the reality of it is is that the cards are stacked against you as a man in the mental health department, regardless of how much openness and new age shit that is out there saying the otherwise.
No, you’re just watching too much redpill alpha-male bullshit.
I talk way more about deep shit/emotions with the boys now than I did in my 20s or teens.
A man over 30 should hold himself accountable and deal with his depression actively, either through therapy or medication. It’d be different if it was a young 18 year old man who’s brain is still actively developing, but at 30, he’s old enough to take care of himself.
Don’t mask your depression. Actively work on combating it.
It’s 2025 – if you don’t feel safe enough to exhibit your symptoms then you are surrounded by the wrong people. At least in the western world if you feel depressed you should seek help and let others know before something terrible happens.
You get treatment for depression. It is almost always a treatable condition. I wish I had gotten treatment much earlier in my life than I did. There is no need for you to suffer or hide it or let it ruin relationships or your life. If you had diabetes you would get treated. If you had high blood pressure, you would get treated. If you had an infection, you would get treated. It is like any other treatable condition. See your doctor and talk about it and talk about treatment options. Keep trying because not all medicines or treatments work the same for different people and it took me a long time to find the right combination. But you are not expected to hide the condition or just live with it. You have to decide you are going to get treatment And not live like that. One of the horrible things about depression in my mind is that sometimes it makes you not want to do exactly what you should be doing to get better. So don’t let anything stop you, talk to your doctor and get treated.
No. I have no problems expressing my emotions with my family and friends. Find friends that aren’t stuck in mindset from the 1950s
I’m not sure how “socially acceptable” signs of depression are for most adults.
It’s fundamentally culturally unacceptable for a man to exhibit weakness, in pretty much all cultures. Finding good friends will help with this a lot; a good set of friends won’t hold you to your gender’s expectations anywhere near as much, but that comes with give and take.
If you only ever “take” from your friends, you can end up wearing them out a bit, which can cause them to spend less time supporting you.
I’m not sure age has anything to do with it really, although it’s easier to find supportive friends for this kind of thing in…I was about to say “some generations but not others”, but I really think the answer is “in your own generation”. People who have the same causes of depression that you might, who can empathise with you more easily.
You guys are hiding your depression?
I think we’re generally expected to ‘figure it out’.
Not in a malicious way, but for example if you’re a depressed dad in your 30’s, your mental health is a lower priority than the wellbeing of your young children.
If you wanna talk about it shoot me a message.
Only if the people who expect that also expect men to eventually snap or become addicts or alcoholics
I fly my depression front and center. I masked it long enough. Now I’ve got 2 million in cash and equity, I have a cute wife, and a 4 year old kid. Wife has cancer and I just got laid off. Ill put that mask back on for my next job because fuck them, they don’t know me nor do I care if they do yet. Don’t have to worry about my impression with friends because I don’t have any!
Show people what you want them to see and what benefits you to show them. Don’t show anything else. Anytime I did, it’s never helped me achieve my goals.
Has anyone else noticed that they have become depressed or more depressed after covid spread around all those years ago? If so, I wonder if there was a chance in the chemical imbalance in our brains?
Nope. If anything it is way easier to talk about depression now that at any point in my 40 years on this earth. People don’t just tell you stop being sad anymore as a lot of the general public now understands that depression isn’t just stop being sad. At least in my experience.
I was in a relationship where I felt I had to hide certain emotions because I didn’t feel safe sharing them. But as a whole, no. I’ve been more open and honest about my few mental health struggles since 30. Pretty much every guy in my friend group is either in therapy, or was for years.
Fuck no. If you need help with depression seek it. No shame in it. I went to therapy for 3 months and it was the best thing I did for myself and my marriage.
I’m also in PhD program to become a psychologist. So I’m biased and preach to people the importance of seeking help for mental health. Stigma is real, however, it’s become more acceptable for men to acknowledge when they’re feeling depressed.
Yes. Definitely 100% it is.
It shouldn’t be, but it is
I don’t talk to anyone, anymore. The few times I have divulged even a little bit, it’s been used as a club to beat me with later on. The windshield of my truck is a good listener, though it’s sadly short on helpful advice. Activity is therapeutic, for me. Staying busy and minding my own business helps me cope.
I [34 M] rarely meet anyone who wants me to hide it, assuming it’s the time and the place for those kinda conversations.
Maybe its because I go out of my way to be in supportive places, but generally when I tell people I’m having a bad day, week month or year; theres a 40/100 chance they ask if I want to talk about it, and a 95/100 I get at least a knowing nod or something like that.
That being said, when I was suffering from depression, the depression often made me feel like people didn’t care. Made it seem like they where forcing me to be sad all by myself. That shit seriously warps your sense of perception! never forget that.
Yes.
Showing unsolved issues to your women or work will only result in either/both leaving you. No on cares about you or except what they can get from you. Women have pussy, men only have our productivity.
More acceptable in my experience.
No. Just, full stop No. If you ever feel afraid for having emotions and no one to vent them to please send me a DM!
All of this alpha male red pill incell bullshit is just too much that I have to swear in this post because I grew up like this, until I had therapy to enlighten me to more aspects of life to show that the life they want you to live….. really doesn’t matter. But they certainly want to make one feel like it matters in a slurry of hypervigilant anxiety, self hatred, wishing death upon factions of humans for no apparent reason… And the list goes on.
No one should live like this, rather no one should ever survive like this for long.
No, but I personally (male over 30) expect my peers to be working to fix their own shit.
No, but as you get into your 30s and 40s masked depression starts to show up. Usually as anger, irritability, apathy, low energy, though some people react by keeping themselves so busy they don’t have time to feel or think about it.
Either way, all of that emotion is in there and it wont end well if it isn’t processed and acknowledged.
Yes.
Seek therapy. It’s amazing.
women don’t want to hear about your personal struggles at any age
find a guy friend or a group of guy friends you can talk to about it.
Also, dead serious, exercise is a natural mood enhancer and if you aren’t physically active you should become so asap
Haven’t got a mask big enough
It’s pretty much always been expected for all ages.
I think it’s changing a bit now with the younger generation.
I’ve gotten way softer and more comfortable with my emotions as I’ve gotten older. Fuck all that tough it out shit, I ain’t got enough years left to waste time being sad. Go see a therapist, it’s life changing
I would keep all that shit to myself, cause regular dudes give women the “ick”, any woman finds out about my maladies, they’re liable to disappear, like DIS -Laughs wickedly as he throws a smoke bomb on the ground, but the smoke dissipates as he’s still trying to escape out a window-
I didn’t even get treatment for my severe depressive disorder until I was 35. Changed my whole life.
I find as I get older that men are MORE willing to share and listen.
I don’t understand what you’re even talking about. Are you walking around like eyore from winnie the pooh telling everyone how depressed you are? What do you mean by masking?
I’ve masked my depression for the majority of the time I’ve had it. I finally told my wife after it was getting really bad and I watched the attraction fade from her eyes. It never came back.
No? Why would you think this?
It’s expected that you take responsibility and get help, therapy whatever.
Fix it.
39 year old army vet, me and my friends openly talk about our mental health and therapy and it’s not the least but awkward. Taking care of your mental health is just as important as exercising your body, hiding your struggles is doing a disservice to yourself and those around you.
Yes. There’s no real help or support for a grown man.
It just is how it is.
Yup.
Oh yeah 100% men can never talk about their emotions and the ones that do are thrown in prison. That’s how bad it’s got.
You need new friends. All my friends and family are comfortable with these conversations.
I think that when you’re younger, like teen or pre-teen, it is recognized as a plea for help. When you’re an adult, it is regarded as a weakness. Thus, as adults, we tend to suppress it as it doesn’t bring helpful attention.
I guess it hinges on whether or not you have friends.
I’m a recovering alcoholic. When I was about 2 years from rock bottom, I finally managed to make all my friends give up and cut me off. Friendships of 10+ years just gone.
I had my last drink in December of 2019. But I haven’t had any friends since. I have coworkers I see M-F. When it’s a particularly bad day, I guess people just assume I’m in a bad mood or tired or something.
Among friends I think it’s okay as long as you have a sense of humor about it and actually make an effort to improve. I have a lot of good friends and even coworkers with whom we regularly share things like “This week has been rough” but also “I’ve been having roasted vegetables every night this month and it’s really been helping my mood to have this healthy routine”
What depression? I’m not depressed. Look over there!
No, I’m a psychiatrist. Come see one of us so we can help.
TLDR, Yes around randos, will share with friends.
Can’t speak for women, but men in general have a “stiff upper lip”. I will share my deeper dissatisfaction and depression with closer friends. But I wouldn’t find it beneficial or fitting to talk about that stuff with strangers. Mostly because to talk about it at a deep enough level to actually have it be comprehensible You’re going to need to share a lot of personal information that you shouldn’t be sharing with random people.
I think it’s important that you put off a positive stoic mindset on the outside only divulging that deeper stuff to close acquaintances
If you think hiding depression is hard in your thirties just wait until your fourties!
I’m not sure I’m masking mine very well, especially not for the people that I live with
It’s not expected for anyone to mask depression, but it is considered polite to put on a happy face so as not to pull down the vibes at certain times when someone else should be the center of attention… Times like birthday parties, especially for kids and older people, etc.
I do think it’s expected that we take our mental health seriously and be honest with ourselves about how we’re doing mentally, and take the steps we need to take to be well. If that means seeking professional assistance or starting/continuing meds, we should be doing that without having to be nagged at for it. I have carried a MDD diagnosis for close to 20 years now and one thing I always say is that it’s 100% my responsibility to keep it managed and be honest with my doctor about it, because him and I are the only ones that can actually do something actionable to manage it.
In a relationship context, I think masking depression is a terrible idea – if something is bothering you, you should say so, and be willing to talk it out. Also, men in general are not good at hiding our emotions from people that we are close with. 1. Your partner might start to think it’s their fault and 2. Shutting loved ones out is a reflex with depression – “letting them in” and telling them how you really feel is an excellent way to fight off depression. Otherwise you’ll only drive a wedge between you and the people who want to support you – you have to let them help you sometimes!!
It’s also completely okay to not be okay, and choosing to not attend an event because there’s too many people and you’re having a bad mental health day is often fine… You just have to balance that by making a dedicated visit and spending 1:1 time with the other party on a calmer day when you feel a little brighter. That’s often more meaningful anyway… I almost never attended my grandmother’s birthday parties, but I always made a point of visiting her for several hours the following day for example. She’s gone now, and I have zero regrets… I’m glad I chose “quality time” with her over forcing myself to make an appearance when everything was hectic and I wasn’t feeling it.
Pretty much it is for me.
I try to work and not do much else.
Men die 5 years earlier on average and a fuck ton kill themselves between 55-75… there’s a reason. Its suppressed stress and depression.
Just go to a non-college bar and look around. Alcohol is socially acceptable compared to therapy for men.
Hopefully this all changes over the next few decades.
It’s expected for men of all ages to mask the majority of their emotions
I’ve been doing it all my life, I was diagnosed as a teenager. The only people I talk about it to really are medical people. Everyone else has enough problems in their life.
Men over 30 don’t have depression. I don’t have depression. Literally none of my male friends over 30 have ever mentioned their depression to me. Nobody in my friend group talks about their depression so surely none of us have it. I definitely don’t randomly cry about my dead father and sister and then go to the gym and lift heavy stuff until the pain goes away. Of course I don’t have depression that I can’t talk to my gf about Becuase she’s already going through so much in her own life. Nope…everything’s fine over here, no need to worry about me…I’ve got it all under control.
Before Covid yes. Now I think there’s much more acceptance that not everyone is in a good place all the time. Find the right friend to talk to as a starting point.
I’m really surprised how many people in this sub are saying “no,” I’ve never expressed a negative emotion and had someone do something other than tell me to get over it. Maybe one exception…
But ya that’s the norm for most of the outside world (not reddit) from what I understand.
Pretty much sums it up;
https://youtube.com/shorts/Kl-11WAlbiA?si=9hL4LQXLxpdE0EP3
Men at a younger age are allowed to show any emotion?
Yes
As a man you shut up and pretend you have all the a answers. Next question
from the anecdotal answers i have received, it’s either not experience or their response made me believe they had corrected their mindset to accept it as part of life and don’t call it depression.
Yes. And you should try to best to do so. Seriously
Honestly it’s expected for everyone to mask their depression. Unfortunately the world doesn’t stop when we are struggling. And we rarely get grace or special treatment because just about everyone else is dealing with their own issues.
Yes. Men are not allowed to express pain or sadness. If we do we will just be abused and mocked. There is no help for us in the West.
I think it’s the same for everyone and different. Some people publicly like to seem out of bound mentally while others can mask it and rather not. I personally don’t need to mask it because I deal with it by doing things I never done or experiments. I keep my mind off of my problems and enjoy the things that are not a problem.
Yes and no.
A rock no matter how jagged or jaded, over time in the flow of water it smooths out.
You could say, that’s deep.
Men are expected to mask depression at all ages past 13.