I’m 36 (m) and I feel like I’m getting to the point where certain kinds of people annoy me. Probably due to experience but people that make everything about themselves or always trying to brag or one up you. I notice this in a couple long term friendships and I feel like hanging out with them feels more like an obligation. My wife is worried that I’ll end up distancing myself from old friends. Is it just me?
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My wife is the only person I can tolerate for long periods of time.
Its not you necessarily. Limiting yourself is self protective at times, and people change or show themselves more d clearly or your awareness grows. That’s for friends you may up giving space to. If it spreads further check yourself on being assumptive. Catch yourself and if judging too hard, remember you probably don’t have all the information. You know if you see someone and you just don’t like them explore that and you may need to use that reminder, especially if it happens a lot.
My partner is the only person I can stand to be around for more than 5 minutes.
Idk I like everybody.
It’s not you bro. I’m 39 and I feel my like my spirit animal is the old man from Gran Torino. Just an angry old man who wants to be left alone lol.
Eventually you will distance yourself from old friends and make new ones.
I did that around… 45-ish. People grow and change and if you’re not living with them (aka spouse) it’s usually more apart.
And it’s not that people are ‘worse’ or more annoying, it’s that there are just more people everywhere and you can’t go anywhere without running in tons of other people. You only notice that when you move out of an urban center. Now I only have to talk to the people around me if I want to, and somehow everyone seems less annoying that way.
It might be worth bringing up to them to see if they are willing to tone it down. Friendships as you get older are hard to come by imo. Especially long term friendships you’ve made over years.
If hanging out with your friends feel like an obligation, ask yourself why? I’m 35 and I enjoy hanging out with the boys when we can. Yeah there’s time I don’t wanna go out but when we get together, I appreciate the time I’m with them cause life is short. I or they could be gone the next day and I’d def miss their friendship.
My wife and kids I tolerate being around. But I don’t like when my wife invites people to our house, I feel like people don’t know when to leave. I think it gets worse the older I get
Am I you? Are you me?
Yes I can’t stand those people. They’re also the ones that will never admit to a mistake and thinks it makes them look strong. It makes them look weak and childish. They’ve all been emboldened by our current situation as well. The toddler in charge is one of those people.
I saw a couple of my oldest friends last night for the first time in 7 years. This post inspired me to send a follow up text on how great a time I had and to make sure we can see them again soon. Friends are important and so is making an effort.
Sobriety makes it worse… maybe you’re an introvert in an overstimulated world.
I’ve abandoned a few male friendships b/c of the constant drive to compete for one upsmanship..I never had that with female friends.
I’ve been there, as you get older, I really don’t need any “frenemies”, which would I define to include friends who want to compete with me.
Yes, it’s normal to find some people annoying. Did you used to not find anyone annoying before? That would make you an extreme outlier lol
No I think that is a byproduct of growing & maturing as a person. And by realizing what it is these people do & say when you are together. You get to choose who you associate with and if others are being conducting themselves in a way so as to not ensure an equitable friendship, especially in terms of sharing your experiences whether joyous or challenging, to where they compulsively diminish you and your lived experience it’s perfectly reasonable to no longer enjoy their company and consider moving on.
Not everyone we meet along this walk in life is going to be with us for a long time. It’s ok to drift apart for various reasons as time passes, as we get older and what we value evolves and changes. And wanting your friends to facilitate and ensure an equal and equitable relationship is perfectly valid.
I deal with stupid people all day at work. Then I go out in public and have to deal with more. I can’t wait to get home from and get away from people. It’s not just you. Don’t get me wrong. There are a lot of good people in the world, but christ it seems like an 80/20 chance of dealing with someone you can’t stand when you leave the house.
Yes, I feel you! Just spend less time with them? Or find kind but assertive ways to highlight it, “well, I didn’t mean it to be a competition, I was just talking about what I went through…” Or be really direct hah.
I’ve cut down on time with my old friends because we’ve grown in different directions. One of my friends is a pro at backhanded compliments and I don’t need any of the negativity in my life. We do lunches together a few times a year now. I find that I’m just more intentional with my time and then my husband and I gossip about how “interesting” people are. We’ve learned a lot about traveling with different people/couples too. A good portion of the time, the closer I’ve gotten with people, the more clear it is that we aren’t compatible friends in the slightest; there are a few times when I find a person who’s a gem though. My husband and I have one couple in our large friend group that we’re super close with.
Outgrowing friends is a real thing. It’s not necessarily bad, if you want to keep growing, downgrade the relationship and stop hanging out as much.
If you truly can’t stand them, then you don’t have to keep the relationship going ‘just because’. It will make room for new friends more aligned with who you are now.
Def feeling similar vibes, I’d say I have maybe 2-3 people other than my wife that I like to talk with, but 99.999% I remain diplomatic but 0 interest. I used to want everyone to like me until around 30-35yo, now I just don’t care anymore, I only care that I love myself and my wife loves me.
I’m 35 and I have been distancing myself from everyone in my life for that reason.
There’s other qualities I don’t like too and I just have no tolerance. I think it’s a mental health issue on our part.
It’s more of an age thing than a you thing. As we get older, we get more settled in our ways and our expectations of others. It’s why young people just go with the flow and are generally down for whatever.
I really dislike 99.9% of the human race.
As you get older, the amount of bullshit you can tolerate slowly dwindles down, and by default that means the people/friends you tolerate slowly decreases as well.
Majority of humans annoy me. A select few don’t lol
Just now?
People, almost all of them, have been annoying for as long as I can remember
No it’s not just you people can be very annoying some people you just wanna punch em in the face if it was legal I’ve never been happier since I lost the use of my legs I know that’s crazy right but since then I haven’t been able to drive so no more dealing with the stupid drivers and also I’m not able to leave the house as much so no dealing with annoying people I was always kinda of a introvert anyway so it’s no big deal my stress level has dropped to pretty much zero
It’s part of growing up. I saw a documentary once about lions. The adolescent males will get kicked out of their pride and be forced to wander around until they reach full maturity and can get and keep mates. During that time they can form bands of like 20 males and will do ballsy stuff like take down an elephant by swarming it. People think only female lionesses hunt, but that’s not true across the board. Males are dangerous hunters too, it’s just that once they have a pride they get lazy.
I think about that when I think about ‘friend groups’ that kids have. Something about being between a child and a fully fledged adult leads people to cluster in large groups. But as we get past a certain age, start working, starting a family and so on, what we get out of that large group begins to diminish and we need those connections less and less.
I’d start reducing the amount of contact but not cut people off entirely. I think having long term friends is good for you, and in your 40s or 50s you may find more use for them. Right now the reason people talk about themselves is that a) they’re lonely and out in the world struggling and b) they’re focused on themselves so it’s what’s on their mind. I’m sure some people are tired of me bringing up my kids. I try to resist but it happens. They are what’s on my mind so if you talk to me long enough you’re gonna hear about them.
I have one friend that is very self centered, but I still like the guy. I just wont hang out with him every week or even every month. When I do, we talk about him for the most part, and that’s fine. Then I go back to my life and he goes back to his. The fact that he’s a little tedious at times doesn’t mean I’m going to just get rid of the relationship. I just invest less in it these days. I do like the guy and he doesnt only talk about himself, it’s just the average is skewed in that direction.
Pretty normal as you get older, time is more precious and you don’t have the spare time or the energy for people who piss you off.
Perfectly normal and your life will actually be better for it.
My wife has a refrigerator magnet that says;
“I like coffee and maybe three other people”
And it’s true.
>My wife is worried that I’ll end up distancing myself from old friends
Sometimes friendships end. It’s ok. Took me close to 30 years to realize one of my best friends was a huge narcissistic douchebag that was a drain on me in multiple ways. I put in time, effort, money for this person all the time and it was never reciprocated. After a while of that, I figured I’d rather just not have them in my life at all.
It’s not just you.
And, this is how Red Forman if the 70s show evolved. This is why I admire Red
I always say “dont feel special I hate everyone equally”
33/m. I am growing less patient with certain behavior- usually there’s one person who ruined it for me and now I’m quicker to distance myself. That being said no, I don’t think overall I like people less. For every thing I dislike, I’m also finding new ways to connect and enjoy my time with folks I normally wouldn’t connect with.
No its not just you. When you get older even young people are annoying.
Most people are annoying to me.
This is why it’s good to just commit to becoming a gym bro. Maintaining an elite physique as you get older tends to trump everything else. You can be assured, not even $10s of millions could buy your hard work. You will look 10-15 years younger than your piers and likely outlive them.
I think it is a cumulative effect with age. Either that or the lyric “Only stupid people are breeding” seems to be fitting.
Maybe it has something to do with slapping warning labels on everything which is hurting the Darwin awards.
I read a story where someone had fuel line freeze so they went to their apartment and put gasoline in an open pan on their electric stove to warm it up and intended on pouring it into their gas tank. Needless to say he burned down his apartment and ran out without being hurt. His neighbors were less fortunate.
I recently realized that I don’t have real friends. I have never asked much of anyone in my friend circle but needed some help with my home. Asked around but really only two of them came through.
I wouldn’t know, most people around me are pretty nice and kind
they are but that means you’re annoying too
Could be all sorts of things; people change and grow in and out of touch all the time.
Could also be your tolerances have changed, for whatever reason.
I do notice as I get older, I’m less afraid of being alone and so less willing to put up with other people’s BS just so I can feel accepted. I (am learning to) accept myself, and until I fall in love nothing is going to beat that. So rather than clinging to people, I allow them in my life assuming they’ll behave.
That being said, I’ve also experience that some really good friends are people you can not see for a decade and then still call and go for a beer.
Try this. Get away from them. If you find yourself in an echo chamber then it’s you who may be the problem
You are growing apart from some friends. It happens. Then you start having less time in general. So you are less willing to spend it with people you don’t really want to be around.
People want so much from me without anything in return and I’m so tired of it
people suck
Yeah I had a friend for 30 plus years. I used to enjoy his company and he had a good sense of humour. He got to late 50s and he became one of those people who had to win every argument, and could never say lets agree to disagree. He started bullying people in our friend group and then me, and decided he didn’t want to be friends with me anymore. I thought it was weird but after thinking about it, I wasn’t enjoying his company anymore so I’m not worried
I can’t stand bragging. When I got to your age and had a kid and very little free time, I realized I would rather devote that time to my wife and kid to some people who are full of themselves and full of sh*t.