Yes, I am and have been depressed for a long time. I’m trying to redefine my life the way that I want it to be, but struggling on even where to begin. I want to remove the guilt of doing what I want for starters, but even that is hard.
I’m even losing interest in my career, which sucks because I use to really like it(maybe a symptom of my current company though).
How did you hit the reset button and how has it been for you?
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Here’s what I did.
Was an attorney. Was burned out and hated it. Was living on the east coast. Had some money saved up.
I wrapped up all cases and moved across the country to Southern California and stayed at a friends house for about a year. During that time I got a bs job.
After about a year, I randomly met my now wife. Ended up moving in with her. She worked for an international company. I wanted to move back to east coast close to family but not in my home state.
Her company headquarters was in the state next to where I’m from. We’ve been back to east coast for almost three years now.
During all of this, I put effort into fixing anything I didn’t like about 5 percent at a time until things that bothered me, or seemed horrible at the time, were resolved.
I found employment in another field using similar talents, and I am much happier.
I am super happy to be in a new area where I have no stress and get to explore.
Changed my whole life from very unhappy to pretty happy w about 1/4 the stress.
Best move of my life.
I’ve been this way for most of my life. I just turned 40 and am still going through it. I’ve definitely had a lot more downs than ups in life, but somehow, I’ve made it this far. My advice is just to keep doing those things you enjoy, even if only slightly. If possible, try to add more to the list to keep yourself busy. I’m personally at my worst when I’m not busy doing something. I get into my head and start thinking about and worrying about everything I genuinely don’t need to be worrying about, but that’s just how my mind works. Get over your addictions, if any, try to be a good person, keep a positive, optimistic attitude, make sure to keep a good work/life balance, and just keep trucking. Life is hard, but only you can make the best out of it.
Edit: I forgot to add what actually “worked” for me. We’ll, im not sure where you’re at financially or what kind of job you hold and whether you enjoy it or not, but I had to step out of my comfort zone and change my life for it to become that much more bearable. I went from a retail and customer service environment that doesn’t pay much to various forms of home remodeling. Never in my life would I have thought I’d be doing this, but here we are. I am making enough money to survive and be able to afford to do all of the things I enjoy doing. Before this I would come home and just sit on my butt at my computer and smoke weed every night when I got home from my crappy job. That for sure won’t get you anywhere.
Two things I want you to remember, even though you are a human being, you are still in an animals body. Meaning, your body is going to send chemical signals to your brain based on environmental factors. There is no prize for doing life solo, find help when you need it.
So lets go through the list right,
Stress levels? (New Project, Boss, Corporate Strategy, General Economy, Political world view) Anything like that going on in your area that could cause an increase in stress you haven’t recognized as impacting you yet?
Variations in mood are improved with exercise and healthy diets, so are you eating healthy and getting enough exercise?
Depression itself is an imbalance in the body from the chemicals in your brain, have you sought help? You don’t have to take anti-depressants forever, I also found out I have a vitamin D deficiency, so I can take anti-depressants or a small multi-vitamin, or vitamin D and no more depression. I wouldn’t have found that out had I not worked with my doctor to figure out, what was actually wrong and resolve it. (Vitamin D was diagnosed because I got a blood test. Insurance did not cover it and was $250 in the US though so YMMV by insurer.)
My dog and my motorcycle. And basketball.
I quit, took a gap year and moved to another country.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FlHfUehfi8
“It’s a sweet sweet life living by the salty sea
One day you could be as lost as me
Change you’re geography
Maybe you might be
Knee deep in the water somewhere
Got the blue sky breeze blowing wind through my hair
Only worry in the world is the tide gonna reach my chair
Sunrise there’s a fire in the sky
Never been so happy“
Environment made a big difference in happiness. Not easy but was worth it for me.
My prompt to ChatGPT that helped me
“What do I do with my life? ask me a series of questions to help me answer this more completely so that we can build something truly fulfilling. im having a hard time figuring out what is what i want”
You begin by finding peace inside yourself. You don’t have that right now which is why you feel such disturbance and why you talking about finding purpose and so forth. Your purpose right now is to find internal peace. That’s the root to sorting everything. Stop thinking about your “life” for now. Come back to the moment you are in and start letting everything go. This means releasing your resistance to things which is creating guilt, discontent, boredom, self loathing, depression. Sit with yourself and say I ACCEPT everything I feel right now. I accept completely where I am in my life right now. I will no longer resist it. Repeat this a practice. Just sitting with yourself for 15 minutes every morning and letting everything be as it is. That’s not going to be easy. Expect it to make you want to run away. But you stay with it and sit with it. The only authentic place to start is by being totally accepting of things as they are. Then change comes.
Alongside this—
What you are putting into your body can be massively contributing to your state of mind. We are not educated to think of food as a toxin but it can be. The gut is teaming with neurotransmitters. It’s like you are feeding 2 brains.
For 3 months:
Remove ALL caffeine. Cold turkey. Cut it out.
Remove ALL artificial sweeteners from your diet. Aspartame, xylitol etc. It’s in chewing gum, sodas, candy, workout shakes.
Removing the above 2 things will have a massive effect. After the 3 months you will not want to return to them.
Whole foods. Almonds for snacking. Minimum processed rubbish. Absolutely minimum alcohol at least for first 6 months. 2 litres of water a day. No cutting corners on that.
Sweat-inducing workout 4 times a week.
Get out and look at the sky after waking. It kick starts circadian rhythm and all sorts of other helpful chemical reactions.
You’ll soon start to feel a much greater sense of internal peace, and naturally you will start altering things in your life circumstances to suit you. Job, outlook, passions etc. With inner peace these things all start to become affected and changed for the better.
Recommended audio stuff: The Power of Now on Audible/Spotify. Also the 45 minute talks by Michael Singer on the Michael Singer podcast. All available on Spotify. Start at the beginning.
See a therapist. Really. Men are used to DIY to survive but getting a mental power up is invaluable.
I have good health , good and kind family and friends, I love my job and my hobbies that’s enough for me. I’d you’re that depressed maybe talk to someone, find a hobby you know activates you
Let me know if you find out! Man I wish I could feel joy in the normal life things that everyone else loves. A hug, walking the dog or going for a picnic in the park. They’re all just tasks to me that I have to check off so people think I’m a normal human. It sucks. I go to concerts sometimes because I identify a lot with certain bands but while I’m there I’m yawning, zoning out and just want to go home and play Rocket League (or in the past EQ or WoW). It’s fucked. I actually prefer weekdays over weekends because there’s no expectation that I have to do anything beyond my normal routine of work, eating and video games. How fucked is that?
Diagnosed as an adult with autism/ADHD/depression/probably more things in the future.
I’m following this thread because I’m in a similar boat. I have a lot of blessings in my life but I perpetually feel unfulfilled and ashamed at what I perceive as being mediocre. My career is in IT and I get to WFH, but I don’t find much meaning or joy in it. I’m 100% on auto-pilot when I’m working.
I own a nice, paid off house with my pretty wife on a cul-de-sac — our landscaping is crisp, manicured, and lush, yet I feel nothing besides the pervasive, vague urge to maintain it. Check off more boxes on the list of things we should already have: a shed, patio furniture, a nice grill, a comfortable place for guests to stay over, etc. My inner-critic’s demands are insatiable.
I usually play video games to unwind but now that I’m in my 30’s I often ask myself what the hell I’m doing but I don’t know what else to do to try and relax. Sometimes I’ll watch sports or a show/movie. I got sober from booze and pot a little over 18 months ago and every day is a battle to just feel normal and at ease. It doesn’t happen often. I have no idea what to do to improve my situation besides try to eat as healthy as possible and get some exercise.
I was in a bad car accident in 2016 and my back has been completely fucked since then so I’m limited physically in what I can do. Some nights I lay awake in pain, my heart thumping, forehead beading with sweat, extremities numb from nerves and I question what the hell I am doing this all for.
Speak to a therapist.
You admit your depression, which is the first step.
I learned to endure.
Who knows, maybe tomorrow will bring me that spark.
I really enjoy my hobbies and have found a few friends that also enjoy the same Motorsports hobby. It’s helped me tremendously. I collect records too and going to shows, local stuff is always a good time. I’m not a social butterfly by any means, I’m very much an introvert and chronic depression/ anxiety but having friends to get pumped on the same stuff I do and participate in the same activities even if only a handful of times a year has been huge.
Also, an Eastern Mindset helps
What’s your environment like?
I’m not going to say it’s easy. Been there. No silver bullets. Meds helped. Forcing yourself just to walk on a park esp when it’s nice and sunny. Do not expect joy at work everytime. We still have our financial obligations. If you enjoy your vocation enthusiasm at work will come back. Have coffee with friends. Chat. Gossip. Maybe a short travel trip by yourself with no expectations but just to enjoy solitude in a new surrounding can be uplifting. Maybe get a dog as a pet? Pets make you get out of bed bec they need you. And shop (a little) 😀
my journey can’t be reduced to one point, but if I had to pick a point, it would be when I prioritized my mental health over everything else in my life. Even my happiness sometimes. But I don’t think the goal of life is chasing happiness anyway.
Especially after I’ve experienced first hand how much depression can change your perception of reality, I decided the most effective way to shape my perceived reality was to not perceive it in a warped way. So to actively fight the depression, at the cost of everything else if need be.
Not that it needed be, but giving myself that liberty allowed me to make choices, and set priorities I otherwise would have never dared to make.
When I don’t exercise for more than 3 days I can’t find joy in anything.
If you can’t answer the question “what do you do?” with a smile, then the problem is your job. You need to have a job you can be proud of to even start thinking about being un-depressed.
PS: I’m not saying you should quit or even change careers, I’m saying search for a new employer.
Learn to enjoy the things you have to do.
I wanted to see how much I could make incremental progress on myself. Since then, I’m more than 80 lbs lighter, significantly stronger, and I’ve finished several fitness events.
I’m still working on getting my career where I want it though, but I’m much happier with myself.
I still dunno lol