I (f17) lost my dad almost 2 years ago. It was very unexpected and turned my whole life upside down. He was one of my best friends and I miss him so much, not a day goes by. Since losing my dad I’ve been in therapy but I have dealt with depression episodes especially during certain dates, in a few days it’ll be the anniversary of his passing. I’ve been working with my therapist a lot recently so my depression isn’t as bad as other times but it’s been really difficult mentally recently.
One thing I always struggle with when depressed is eating. I have zero appetite. The last day or two the only thing that sounds good is ice cream. So I’ve been eating quite a bit of ice cream. I know its not the healthiest but at least I’m eating.
I live with my mom, stepdad, and there 2 kids together who are 7 and 9. My mom had to work nights tonight and wasn’t home for dinner. My stepdad made dinner, I tried eating a little but couldn’t. I went up to my room and a few hours later got in the mood for some ice cream. I went downstairs to get some. My stepdad started giving me a difficult time because I didnt really eat earlier. Said I was being a bad example to my younger siblings. I told him I was depressed and Its rare I even feel like eating. He rolled his eyes. I told him he needs to just mind his business and worry about his own kids. He called me a brat and said I’m acting like an AH. I feel like maybe I was an AH because I think he genuinely was trying to care.
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I (f17) lost my dad almost 2 years ago. It was very unexpected and turned my whole life upside down. He was one of my best friends and I miss him so much, not a day goes by. Since losing my dad I’ve been in therapy but I have dealt with depression episodes especially during certain dates, in a few days it’ll be the anniversary of his passing. I’ve been working with my therapist a lot recently so my depression isn’t as bad as other times but it’s been really difficult mentally recently.
One thing I always struggle with when depressed is eating. I have zero appetite. The last day or two the only thing that sounds good is ice cream. So I’ve been eating quite a bit of ice cream. I know its not the healthiest but at least I’m eating.
I live with my mom, stepdad, and there 2 kids together who are 7 and 9. My mom had to work nights tonight and wasn’t home for dinner. My stepdad made dinner, I tried eating a little but couldn’t. I went up to my room and a few hours later got in the mood for some ice cream. I went downstairs to get some. My stepdad started giving me a difficult time because I didnt really eat earlier. Said I was being a bad example to my younger siblings. I told him I was depressed and Its rare I even feel like eating. He rolled his eyes. I told him he needs to just mind his business and worry about his own kids. He called me a brat and said I’m acting like an AH. I feel like maybe I was an AH because I think he genuinely was trying to care.
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> I think I’m the asshole for telling my stepdad to mind his business about what I eat
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA- he clearly is oblivious to what symptoms of depression are… I can see why he would say it’s setting a bad example if the younger kids saw you eating, but regardless it’s still about his ignorance. The next time you see him, to keep the peace you might pull him aside and apologize (even though I wouldn’t mean it if it were me) and say that you’d appreciate some grace because this is the most upsetting time for you throughout the entire year.
It could work, maybe not. But at least you’re showing you’re the bigger person.
I know you didn’t ask for actual long term advice, so take it or leave it: when you’re not as emotional, maybe in a few weeks, have a sit down with him and explain what you do to cope when you’re having bouts of depression.
Edited to add, I’m so sorry about your Dad, I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. I’m proud of you for going to therapy and working hard on your mental health. It’s going to be an important foundation for dealing with life as an adult.
You’re absolutely NTA. Two years isn’t a long time after losing your father, and already being part of a blended family can be incredibly overwhelming. It’s understandable that you’re still adjusting, and honestly, your stepdad should be showing you a lot more empathy and compassion right now. It’s not your responsibility to be a role model for his kids and that’s a huge and unfair expectation to place on you. And let’s be for realz…not finishing dinner and having some ice cream isn’t some terrible example to set. His reaction was really out of line.
NTA. keep eating ice cream. you’re correct that its better to eat anything than nothing at all.
i’m wishing you the best in living with grief. and i hope no one ever convinces you that theres something wrong with you for doing what you need to do when you’re hurting.
NTA. I’ve always dealt with depression in general and lose my appetite pretty much weekly. It’s worse after a loss or when things are stressful. Mourning the loss of your dad has no timeline or end date, no one gets to tell you how to feel. They can ask questions or make suggestions if you’re displaying bad or concerning habits, but they don’t get to enforce anything.
You’re in therapy, you’re doing the hard work. I wished when I was your age, I learned that doing a little bit of anything (like eating) still mattered. No, ice cream isn’t the best choice, but it’s better than nothing. It’s okay to stumble, just make sure to try and not let your depression settle you into this too long. 🙂
And stay hydrated!!
Your step-dad wouldn’t be ab asshole if he was expressing concern. He is an asshole because you said what’s wrong and he dismissed it, called you names and rolled his eyes at you. I hope your mom will be a better parent if you share this with her.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself, OP!
NTA. If he actually cared he wouldn’t call you names or a bad influence. He’d be asking you how you’re doing, what’s happening with you, and figuring out how to support you. He’s made no attempt to understand where you’re at. I get the dread. It can be hard to describe. (I lost my grandma and an uncle last year in July so I’m not looking forward to July.) I’m sorry for your loss.
NTA. You are 17. Your stepfather is overstepping. You are not a ‘brat’, you are more than old enough to get to eat when you want to, and as for the ‘setting a bad example for the other kids in the home’ thing that is nothing but blatant guilt-tripping and manipulation, and probably a sign of bad parenting on his part if he is setting the ‘rule’ that some foods are bad… that is how people develop a very bad relationship with food.
Tell your Mom. F that. You’re not a brat. He just sucks.
Yta, go to therapy. You can’t live on ice cream, and with that attitude I wouldn’t expect him to keep buying it for you. Fyi, it’s their house, it’s his business.
I’d say there’s not enough information / context to know judge. Your step dad has been in your life for at least 9 years. Has he made a separation of you and his kids or has he been there for you as a parental figure that you took a low blow at. So the question as I see it is are you the justified AH or NTA?
NTA, but you might want to thank him for caring anyways.
NAH
If he didn’t care he wouldn’t say anything
Sorry for your loss
I’m so sorry for your loss.
And NTA. The next time he says anything, tell him to parent his own children and redirect him to your mother. Also mention this to your therapist.
If ice cream is what brings you even an iota of joy right now, eat all the ice cream you want. Grief is hard to deal with, and any calories are better than none at all. You’re far from the asshole.
My heart is with you, and I hope in time it hurts less. Until then, do whatever it is you need to grieve and heal.
NTA – has he not heard of the ice cream stomach that we all have
I fucking hate people who use “brat” as an insult and then act like it’s not such an insulting word. NTA, your bratty stepfather can mind his business and leave you alone.
Nah he’s overstepping