I’m (31f) and will be honest and say that I was a mess during my twenties. Got in with the wrong crowds, did stupid things, drank too much, engaged in risky behaviours and pushed away or destroyed friendships with nicer, more sensible people. I was in a dark place, dealing with undiagnosed PTSD with no emotional support from my family, no money, no self respect or self esteem (not to make this into an excuse, but as a young adult this was really difficult and I wasn’t coping at all). There were also some unhealthy/red flag friendships that I had to let go of, as I realised they weren’t working. So it went both ways.
So now I find myself with basically no friends. Ok, maybe one friend who I met last year. And I have an amazing partner. But that’s it – I get along well with people at work and have acquaintances through hobbies..but haven’t carried any close friendships over from my youth. It seems like a lot of people have a core group of friends who they went to high school/ uni with…I don’t have that. It’s really hard to live with that truth. Is it too late for me?
How can I start again and make deep, lasting friendships in my 30s and beyond? I’m not talking about small talk acquaintances, but true friends.
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What’s helped me is becoming part of a meet-up group that meets regularly and developing friendships from there. Seeing each other regularly and knowing you have a shared interest is a great foundation for friendship.
You mentioned hobbies. Are there groups in your area that meet based on your hobby? Are you interested in volunteering? That’s another way to meet like-minded people.
It all starts as small acquaintances, though. You meet someone at a Pilates class whom you see every week and decide to catch coffee then you find yourselves texting through the week, celebrating accomplishments and venting through frustrations…. Relentlessly pursue your hobbies (no, not just sitting at home reading) and be open to socializing. Know that friendships as we get older look different. Now that I’m in my mid 30s I have friends age 28-60. I am less “ew that’s weird/awkward” and judgemental than I was as a teen. I can be friends with my neighbors 50yr olds and the local garden group and also the game groups with 20yr olds. Just be open minded and let things flow naturally.
Not advice, I just wanted to say that this sounds very similar to my experience in my 20s.
I have friends but they’re all surface level. I don’t know how to have deep friendships
I’m 30 going through the same thing – honestly scared to get engaged to my partner because I’m embarrassed that I’ll have no friends at our wedding. You’re not alone and I’m also following for support 💕