Hi Confession community ! Title and username are pretty self explanatory. I (31 F) have always enjoyed humiliating men in privacy (mentally rather than sexually). I literally get off of verbal humiliation, degrading acts like riding them like ponies, making them wear pig masks or dog masks and do animal noises or using men as chairs, sometimes for an hour or until he’s on the verge of collapse. Seeing their eyes become afraid and their cute submissiveness just does something to me, and even gets me to subspace on occasion.
I wish I were exaggerating, there are two men which I do this with a few times a year, no sex involved. I’m actually pretty repulsed by sex. I don’t get “paid” for this or use it as leverage, I do it for my own enjoyment. And before anybody links it to my childhood, I’ve had the most normal happy childhood, my parents had a long happy marriage and I idolized my dad because he is the closest thing to a perfect man in my eyes.
But now I’ve hit a pretty mature age and I need to consider meeting a decent man and having a normal relationship, maybe get married (social pressure, don’t want to). I’ve been in long relationships before, and my last ex was very submissive and enjoyed my treatment alot. He even still asks for it from time to time but I am no longer in love with him and I don’t want to keep rehashing the past.
I need help, seriously, because I need to forget about this, do a “reset” let’s say. I have talked about this in length to my therapist, he agrees that it’s unhealthy as long as it bothers me but as a European male, he deems it as a “kink” that shouldn’t be shamed.
I want your two cents. Literally no one knows about this except my partners and my therapist. My friends are pretty “judgy” and even though they can be right to judge me, I still carry the shame of this kink so I’d rather keep it to myself. Thanks to whoever responds! 🙂
Comments
What you have is a weird sexual kink. It is 100% sexual. There is also a beastiality element to it. Do you get aroused over animals?
I suppose this depends on whether both you and the guys involved are comfortable with doing what you’re doing. If the guy is comfortable feeling degraded and humiliated, then sure I’d say its okay. But the guy also needs to ge of sound mind, that he’s aware what he’s getting himself into. Because you can get people who like to be humiliated, but can’t detach the sexual experience to how they are in their day to day lives. As long as its not actually hurting anyone, and its something you keep in your private life, then I think its okay
Well, what you’re describing is a pet play kink. It also has nothing to do with bestiality, and everything to do with degradation. However, you are also capable of having a perfectly fine, perfectly healthy relationship that also caters to your sexual needs. All you need to do is to find someone who you are romantically attracted to, whose religious or moral interests align with yours, and is open to exploring stuff with you sexually. That isn’t impossible. You can absolutely have your cake and eat it too in this situation.
However, if you are dead set on trying to step away from said kink, it would just be abstinence from practicing it. It isn’t a fetish, so you will probably have other things that will satisfy you when it comes to excitement or sex.
There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of here. Kinks are very normal and can be really healthy and a beautiful way to connect with other people, as long as you can both at the end of the day, respect and care for each other in whatever capacity is appropriate. In my knowledge of kink, it’s honestly probably not going to be possible to really “reset” and get rid of your kink, only shove it down until it comes out in weird and unhealthy ways. Your best bet in my opinion, is to find a kink positive community and friends who can support you. You can absolutely have a healthy great relationship with a man who is into/can support this part of you.look into some reading material (your therapist might actually have some he can point you towards) but I like The Bottom Book and The Top Book to start since they really break down how to engage in kinks in a healthy and meaningful way
Are you able to see a therapist who specializes in sexuality? Might help to have someone to bounce your feelings off as you’re looking to make changes
The only part to analyze is why you feel the need/why humiliation of others makes you happy.
You’re a broken soul/person & you know it; hence the post.
It’s not a kink if there is no sexual component being fulfilled involved, it’s just shitty human interaction between two very broken people.
~You might want to take another look at your “perfect” childhood. Your religion is based on degradation & dominance.
This is a lot more common than you think. I don’t know where your based bug there’s a worldwide kink community based on consent and as long as everyone is consenting then it’s no one’s business. I’d debate it not being sexual but I understand you mean you don’t have sex with submissive’s.
Also it has absolutely nothing to do with beastiality and what a very strange leap to make.
I imagine your inbox will be rammed with offers of dates.
Is there a waiting list ?
Reddit is not best the place to ask about this, because people here are not critical enough of most problems of sexuality. Anyway, I think this kind of thing isn’t necessarily entirely bad, but it’s probably best for you to kick it, since it’s impacting your life and getting in the way of deeper experience with other people. Vanilla sex and deep love are beautiful things.
I usually get advice from r/redscarepod maybe ask there
Girl get on Feeld- you may find what you’re looking for there. Plenty of long term relationships form there with a basis of kink
I know a whole bunch of dudes who would be thrilled to find a woman like you. Don’t give up on your kink, just find the right man to embrace it. Going vanilla just ain’t worth it.
On reddit? Lord your inbox is about to be full
Hey, DM me….i have a lot to say about this kink, as I have it too…I’m 34 f, very happily married.
You can’t give up a kink but you can work with it had have a positive healthy marriage relationship. My inbox is open.
Maybe you’ve just grown beyond your kink and it isn’t important anymore.
I was an owned sub, and pain slut. But now I feel those escapades are played out and just naturally went vanilla.
Kink takes a LOT of energy. Maybe I just got tired of all the work.
Lol
I have the exact same fetish! I was never really bothered by it because honestly it takes a lot of work to make me give a shit. I did keep it private, though. Sometimes I get one of thoughts in my head and laugh hysterically about it, like to the point of tears. You and I are probably the ones who could manage to laugh, though. I think it would freak most people out (hence keeping it private).
I also think it has absolutely nothing to with childhood. People all over the world have ridiculous, disgusting, and disturbing kinks and fetishes. Ours just might be on the far end. I have chosen to try to kill the fetish but it still randomly attacks me with hugely visual thoughts that leave in laughing attacks.
I know it’s not a common method, nor an easy one for most people to learn to implement, but have you tried just…not giving a shit? This is what I do. It’s like a muscle. Keep going at not giving a shit until you actually don’t. I’ve also stopped masturbating to these types of fantasies, which has helped A LOT. If a thought pops into your head you could also try to induce a laughing attacks. No idea if that would work for you. Mine are real, not induced.
I am of the opinion that nothing and no one should ever be shamed. I think it’s useless emotion that only hurts the one being shamed. I wouldn’t shame yourself. Maybe your therapist has ideas for converting this fetish to something vanilla?
I chose to never share this with my husband because I didn’t want to scare him off, as, you know, our fetish is on the far end of strange. I am doing perfectly fine and am sexually fine. Remember, NOT masturbating to these types of fantasies helped me a ton! It was also like a muscle. I stopped using that muscle and it lost its source of strength..or protein..or whatever muscles need to move.
You can do it! I believe in you! Feel free to DM if you need someone to talk to! I know it’s hard.
Sounds pretty hot to me.
Don’t get married and by no means become a mother if you don’t want to.
You will be miserable for the rest of your life.
Don’t give a fuck about social pressure.
Also RIP your Inbox.
Look into a FLR, you both can be happy
I think you’re looking for it in the best place!
I’ve read things here that even my eyes didn’t realize what I was reading at certain times!
I just have a curiosity this desire to go back to “normal” for what reason did it come to you?
Because you feel you want it, or because of the society we live in that you want to self-impose to erase this desire of yours?
I think this is quite common, I have been asked many times to humiliate men, despite I don’t like it, but what can I say, I am a men pleaser, big time.
No need to
It sounds incredibly exhausting to be caught between desires that bring you genuine enjoyment (even subspace) and this heavy weight of shame, especially when combined with societal pressure pushing you towards a “normal” life path you’re not even sure you truly want. That internal conflict wanting to hit “reset” on a significant part of yourself because it feels incompatible with the future you think you should pursue, versus a therapist suggesting the kink itself isn’t inherently bad but the shame around it is the problem is a really tough place to be, and something many people grapple with concerning aspects of themselves they keep hidden. It’s completely understandable why you’d feel the need for a change when carrying that burden, but figuring out whether the goal is suppression or integrating that part of yourself in a way that feels less shameful (maybe even finding a partner who embraces it, like your ex did) is a complex journey with no easy answers.
This is something you’ll hafta deal with on your own. If your goal is to have a normal relationship, I hope you have the tools and techniques to make that happen for yourself. A lot of men hold sex in high regard in a relationship, and it would be difficult finding someone who wouldn’t mind your dominiating personality and lack of a desire for sex. Maybe you need to find a super dominant man with a lot of munny and lots of muscles. And don’t get married because other people say or expect you to. You should get married because you want to, and you somewhat like the person you’re with. Marriage shouldn’t be taken lightly. It’s a lifetime commitment. I feel like you should have a handle on this specific thing before you jump into a relationship. Tons of people are happily unmarried.
Good luck with that
Its just a kink- only a sex positive person would understand that. You can’t talk about flying with a fish.
I feel ya. I have similar kinks but with humiliating women. And i do think that it hinders my dating life. So i do wonder if I tamed it down i would have better success in dating but at the same time don’t want to completely eliminate it from my life
No woman has honestly enjoyed humiliating men unless a man with unresolved trauma and a kink for being humiliated taught her this, women are born to be sub servant not the other way around hun, what woman really wants to date a loser who wants to dress up in women’s clothing, tie their testicles up and have you pee on them, really? That’s really attractive to you?
PONY BOY
I see nothing wrong with this i hope ypu continue having fun
Nah embrace it. My old housemate would absolutely have loves the chair thing. (We were the kind that snuck onto each others laptops and edited stuff and saw whatever was left open).
While not really into the pet/animal type of humiliation and degradation, I am a women on the submissive side of things and really do enjoy the degradation and humiliation aspect of kink. There is nothing wrong with it as long as limits are respected and it is done between 2 consenting adults, and that you are able to have a normal, healthy relationship outside of playtime.
My partner makes sure I know my place during play time. Most of this kink is kept during this time only, however we also do have some lighter, more innocent stuff that comes up from time to time in our day to day life that makes my submissive self happy. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with any of that. Â
Consider me yours
Maybe it’s time you found a dom and were a sub for a bit to see if the other side excites you the same way
i wouogive up this part of your self
RĂp your dm’s
There are A TON of men willing to marry a dom, go to a much or something. The last thing you need to do is to deny yourself as a dom, embrace it and be open about it when dating. You’ll find your match
I’m an exclusive masochist, so I’ve never had sexual interests at all beyond my kink. All of my relationships will always be in kink context. My psychs tell me there’s nothing wrong with me, and they’re actually pro-complete depathologization of consensual sadomasochism. My interests bothered me when I was a teenager, but since I wasn’t ashamed and other people insisted there was nothing wrong with me, I am no longer ashamed, and therefore there is nothing wrong with me.
If it makes you happy and the partners are consensual, WTF! Go with it. No shame to be who you are.
If that your thing then do that thing. – life too short to live a lie.
I’m sure there are guys out there who are bang into that – and Reddit is probably a place where you could find them – happy hunting OP!
hellođź–¤