It might be unhealthy, but I’ve noticed that when I act like I don’t really understand what’s going on, people let their guard down. They explain everything to me, talk to me more, tell me things they’d never say to someone who seems too “aware.”
So yes, I play a bit of a role sometimes. I pretend not to notice certain things, I ask questions I already know just to see how far someone will go in their answers. It’s not that I’m manipulating out of spite, it’s more that… I feel safe in this stance. And it gives me a kind of discreet advantage.
I feel a little guilty, but at the same time… we all pretend at some point, right?
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It just makes me sad that this is a world where being smart is punished by cruelty and being stupid/naive whatever is the biggest way to be shown some kindness
Welcome to the club.
Yeah, it’s a bit of a mask, but you’re not alone in doing that. People open up to who feels non-threatening. Just gotta watch that it doesn’t blur too much with being inauthentic or losing yourself in the act.
I’ve met people that pretend to be naive and I see through it every time. Those people end up getting told lies to satiate their hunger for forced emotional intimacy.
This is actually a CIA training technique. People don’t like to give out information…. but they LOVE to correct people haha
I do this as well, usually to gauge on how likely people are to talk nonsense/lie/brag etc in the future.
You and me both. It’s always best to be underestimated.
I do this too. I don’t want other people knowing how much knowledge I really have. Can’t really explain it.
Not understanding what situations that is relevant but ok. I mean I guess it’s a right thing to do to get people to open up and allows you to observe their character and decide if it’s someone you want to keep in your life so it’s a fine thing to do.
I think that’s cute ahahahq
Think you have social anxiety. There’s help for that.
So basically you’re playing dumb to collect tea like a human trojan horse? Diabolical, I respect it.
I don’t pretend Julia
It’s basically your inner child calling for security, sometimes it needs a bit more grounding in a silly sense. Try to be imaginative and playful with it, don’t take things too seriously when you are looking for comfort or serenity in your life.
A little manipulative, but I am nobody to judge, I’m also guilty
As someone with autism I honestly kinda envy people that can do this. I just have the of useless naïvety where you can’t tell if someone’s joking or not lol. My secret now is just to question the meaning behind absolutely everything anyone says lol. You get used to it
Ok, Columbo.
What kind of information or interaction are you trying to get by doing this? Do you think the people who you do this with would be upset or angry if they knew what you were doing? What kind of advantage are you trying to get?
If you’re not trying to get information out of them that they otherwise wouldn’t want to tell you, and you’re not planning to use it against them later (including gossiping about it or making fun of it), then this is pretty harmless. Stay away from me, though. I’m very guarded with what information I let people know about me, at least in real life. One of the reasons I like Reddit is that I don’t have to do that here.
Smart strategy, also may be advisable to practice the opposite whenever you feel safe. Maybe just imagine what would happen if you don’t size yourself down?
I constrict myself too but mostly when I’m very cautious or generally unsafe.
My only worry for myself and you as well is when the lines get blurry and this diminished role gets confused with everything else.
But I also see where you’re coming from, good luck!
Interesting, I actually do this too sometimes when it comes to work drama… I don’t like picking sides so I just play dumb and naive. People tell me a lot.
I don’t ever spill their secrets, however. I just like to play my cards close to the chest.
I don’t pretend to be dumb, but I have no problem telling someone I don’t know much about the topic at hand when I don’t.
I’m a very successful lawyer and I’m young ish for the where I am in life. I look young because I take care of myself and I had an advantage of being very gifted and getting my degrees earlier than most. I’m GenX and worked really hard to get where I am and lots of guys assume I slept my way to the top. I didn’t but I do use their assumptions against them. I sound naïve and act stupid. They tell us women shouldn’t pander to men like that but we need to use every tool available. People love to talk and brag. And post things. You just need to know where to look.
Sounds like Fawning- fight, flight, freeze, fawn.
OMG I SUBCONSCIOUSLY DO THIS AS AN AUTISM MASKING TECHNIQUE!!! I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE!!! the down side is that all of my friends think i’m genuinely fucking stupid and it’s starting to really impact my relationships in life. it’s important to not do this all of the time so that this doesn’t happen to you. now that i’m trying to learn how to unmask, i’ve tried to explain to people that im not (insert r-slur here because let’s face it i can say this one without being offensive but idk if people get triggered by that) but when people have preconceived ideas of who you are as a person there isn’t much you can do to change that. just don’t do this all the time and you’re good. best of luck