Where I’m from, people usually date only one person at a time, and either officially have a talk and start a relationship after a few dates, or they just behave like a couple and thus are in a relationship.
To me, 3-5 dates were enough to be sure about starting a relationship. I wouldn’t have dated someone longer than two months without starting a relationship.
If I wanted marriage, 3-6 months. Since I don’t, possibly forever if I was getting what I needed from the dynamic. I need to feel like the connection is deepening organically in whatever way that looks like more than I need titles.
European here: after a few solid dates (4-8), you can broach the “we are starting to be in a relationship, we don’t date other people” talk.
> How long is too long before you consider it a waste of your time and you move on?
A nice way is to ask him what his ideal futures look like. What he current daily life is. Where he says a good relationship going.
The key is to listen to see if he truly thought about the details and cost of his ideal future. Ex: it takes time to care for kids, moving for a job is harder with two people, her interests matter, too.
Especially if you are 28+, you should ask it early, and trust that his answer is the most positive version.
To be honest, in all of my best relarionships this never had to be a question — it was just obvious. For the ones where I worried about it, those relarionships were always weaker.
My husband apparently stopped bothering to swipe or talk to any other girls after our first zoom date. So did I. We didn’t officially confirm this until 2 months later when I asked one day, but it wasn’t a big conversation and we had been seeing each other 3x a week for a while.
I’ve never done online dating so as soon as we’ve ever gone on one date with any of my partners, we were just exclusive until we were over. It never needed to be said; it simply was. And I was dating as recently as two years ago in a big liberal city. I think something about being in-person from beginning to end makes this assumption easier? Or it’s just the partners I was choosing.
If I were doing OLD, I wouldn’t expect any exclusivity until a conversation explicitly outlining the terms. How long I’d wait before having that conversation would entirely depend on the person. Probably something in the ballpark of 10 dates.
2-4 dates in, I have a decent idea if I want to keep seeing that person = I want to be exclusive and put bf/gf label on things. If the person I’m seeing would be reluctant to make things official after about a month of dating, that would be a pass for me. Sure we still need to get to know each other and see if things go well in long-term and we may still break up on a 5th date, but I want to see the willingness to commit even to this early relationship stage.
it’s a matter of how compatible you are and the ‘progress’ of it needs to be TANGIBLE
that’s why you can already have that talk in the first 2 weeks for some people but others are stuck in a situationship for like a cursed year (not worth it)
Comments
Where I’m from, people usually date only one person at a time, and either officially have a talk and start a relationship after a few dates, or they just behave like a couple and thus are in a relationship.
To me, 3-5 dates were enough to be sure about starting a relationship. I wouldn’t have dated someone longer than two months without starting a relationship.
Idk after sex it’s usually a relationship and exclusive.
3-4 months personally
If I wanted marriage, 3-6 months. Since I don’t, possibly forever if I was getting what I needed from the dynamic. I need to feel like the connection is deepening organically in whatever way that looks like more than I need titles.
Depends how many dates we’ve been on and how the connection is.
Probably after the second date.
European here: after a few solid dates (4-8), you can broach the “we are starting to be in a relationship, we don’t date other people” talk.
> How long is too long before you consider it a waste of your time and you move on?
A nice way is to ask him what his ideal futures look like. What he current daily life is. Where he says a good relationship going.
The key is to listen to see if he truly thought about the details and cost of his ideal future. Ex: it takes time to care for kids, moving for a job is harder with two people, her interests matter, too.
Especially if you are 28+, you should ask it early, and trust that his answer is the most positive version.
I always made the decision at 5 dates.
Was not looking to waste my time.
Whenever my feelings head in that direction. There’s no set time/limit. It’s just whenever I start feeling it 🤷♀️
To be honest, in all of my best relarionships this never had to be a question — it was just obvious. For the ones where I worried about it, those relarionships were always weaker.
My husband apparently stopped bothering to swipe or talk to any other girls after our first zoom date. So did I. We didn’t officially confirm this until 2 months later when I asked one day, but it wasn’t a big conversation and we had been seeing each other 3x a week for a while.
I’ve never done online dating so as soon as we’ve ever gone on one date with any of my partners, we were just exclusive until we were over. It never needed to be said; it simply was. And I was dating as recently as two years ago in a big liberal city. I think something about being in-person from beginning to end makes this assumption easier? Or it’s just the partners I was choosing.
If I were doing OLD, I wouldn’t expect any exclusivity until a conversation explicitly outlining the terms. How long I’d wait before having that conversation would entirely depend on the person. Probably something in the ballpark of 10 dates.
2-4 dates in, I have a decent idea if I want to keep seeing that person = I want to be exclusive and put bf/gf label on things. If the person I’m seeing would be reluctant to make things official after about a month of dating, that would be a pass for me. Sure we still need to get to know each other and see if things go well in long-term and we may still break up on a 5th date, but I want to see the willingness to commit even to this early relationship stage.
it’s not a matter of time
it’s a matter of how compatible you are and the ‘progress’ of it needs to be TANGIBLE
that’s why you can already have that talk in the first 2 weeks for some people but others are stuck in a situationship for like a cursed year (not worth it)