My past 2 very defining relationships have been “almost” relationships, that looked good on paper but deep down I knew they weren’t it. The first one was very smooth for a long time as we had an intellectual connection but the sex wasn’t great. I could compromise on that part longer. In the next one, sex was great but intellectual connection was missing. I could not tolerate this too long. I am very frustrated and feel like it’s my personal fault that I can’t settle with good men, I feel guilty about always being unsure about the relationship. I want a relationship I can be 100% sure about but maybe I will always be unsure about every relationship. I have this deep fear I can’t have it all and will always have to settle, and I can only get toxic men if I can’t appreciate someone good. It’s so annoying that there was this good man but it wasn’t effortless from the beginning, we kept trying but I just want something that isn’t this much work to make it function. Am I asking for too much?
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If this is a reoccurring pattern, I would go to therapy because it could be a sign that you are unconsciously trying to repeat a pattern learnt in your childhood and fix it. It happened to me, for example. In therapy you can learn better how is a healthy relationship