I don’t know where else to put this.
I’m trying to figure out where I am sexually or if there’s just something wrong with me, it feels like there is. I used to be super attracted to my partner, we had sex whenever we could and it was good. In the past couple years I’ve been through a lot of life changes. Quit a job that was making me miserable, went on SSRI’s, went back to school, and then in the past year I’ve gone through cancer treatment.
Our sex life has been pretty dry and I haven’t initiated anything with my partner in months. I masturbate sometimes because it can be quick, doesn’t involve anyone else, I know exactly what to do, easy.
I’ve been through so many changes. My body changed, I gained a lot of weight (I think from SSRI’s), I lost all my hair (it’s growing back now) but I’m still so unhappy with my body and generally unsatisfied with my life.
I know I’m not asexual because to my knowledge, asexual people can and will have and enjoy sex, but they are generally satisfied without it/with the fact that they are asexual. I don’t feel like that so I know I’m not asexual.
I miss sex. I feel like there are a million factors that could be causing this rut that I don’t even know where to begin. Antidepressant side effects, trauma, body image issues. I’ve also kinda lost attraction to my partner, wish they were a little better/did different things in bed. But now I’m like, we live together, we’ve been together 5 years, how do I tell them that now?!
I know they want to get married, but I don’t want to be in a sexless marriage and feel like this. I’m almost 26 and I’m not even the slightest bit ready for marriage. I don’t know what to do or how to feel better.
I’m still dealing with a lot of stress and unknowns in regards to my health and I’m so tired. I just want to feel normal again.
I guess I’m just posting this in the hopes that I’m not alone.
If you read this whole thing, thank you.
Comments
Giving a little perspective from the male point of view because I’m assuming your partner is male. If my partner told me they’d like to experiment in bed and wanted me to try things for them I’d be excited to. If it’s something I don’t enjoy to the point that I couldn’t do it, I’d communicate that. But sex should be an even play field, and everyone should get a chance to enjoy themselves.
As for the lack of desire, you talk a lot about not wanting sex at all rather than just not with your partner specifically (you didn’t say you wanted to get with someone else). It’s hard to feel sexual attraction when you aren’t feeling good about sex in general. You’ve been through a bunch of stuff that is known to impact sex drives and I think you missing it is the first step to healing that drive.
You’re not alone. I’m not going to give you suggestions because you didn’t ask for them, but I actually think you not feeling great about sex immediately after going through a lot of difficult things actually is “normal”. You shouldn’t feel like there’s something wrong with you.