My (42f) partner (38m) used to treat me quite badly. Anger issues, never physical, blaming me for things outwith my control. He has always made me feel like I wasn’t good enough and compared me to every woman he saw and interacted with. He used to belittle me and shame me for not chatting up women to have sex with us despite me being straight. He told me my degree was useless, u was rubbish at my job. I couldn’t even choose dinner without getting it wrong. I was constantly on eggshells and could not make any decisions, even for myself In case I got it wrong. In 2 years he did not introduce me to his family because I wouldn’t be good enough. Invited me to his hometown then screamed at me that j shouldn’t be there. Ruined 3 holidays because he “wanted to”. I got into debt because he earns more than me, I told him i couldn’t afford this lifestyle and was told he wouldn’t change so keep up or fuck off.
Last year I had a sudden cardiac arrest which we are unsure if it was brought on by stress or an undiagnosed condition. Thankfully, I was found, cpr was done and after a lot of medical intervention I am here.
In the year since he has done a 180, I’m part of his family, he has changed his lifestyle and mine utterly. He’s kind, gentle and attentive. No more bullying me over women etc etc. But I haven’t adjusted. I still walk on eggshells. I still hate myself. Why can’t I just enjoy the change??
Comments
Because you don’t trust the change.
He’s basically abused you your whole relationship, people don’t change that dramatically. So subconsciously you’re waiting for him to go back to being an abusive AH.
You should really think about whether life is worth living with him in it.
You have a new lease on life. You shouldn’t spend it with someone who doesn’t respect you. He’ll go back to treating you like crap.