TLDR
I have been friend with a girl for a while and she recently broke up with her long term boyfriend. We’ve been hanging out more one on one and as a group with her best friend since then. I begin to notice she is hiding people she is seeing from me and her description for a guy she wants is extremely similar to me. I am oblivious to a lot of signs and things so I was thinking of asking her or her best friend if I am seeing hints or if I’m overthinking things. Which should I ask to make things less awkward while still getting a clear answer if I should ask at all?
So for context I have been friends with this girl for nearly a year. We became good friends and during a good amount of that year she had a boyfriend. I wasn’t looking for anything more or anything like that so it was great, and I became good friends with her best friend too.
About a month ago her and her long term boyfriend broke up and she was devastated. To help her get over it I asked if she wanted to hangout and do stuff to take her mind off of it. Not trying to become more or anything but to help her through this. Her best friend would join us occasionally too.
She recently moved back in with her family but the 3 of us still stay in good contact and hangout when we can. I found out though recently that she is seeing a guy that contacted her very shortly after the breakup happened. She said she doesn’t view him as boyfriend material or anything, but that he texts her everyday and they talk and hangout with each other. Her best friend encourages her to have fun but if she catches feelings to leave because they don’t seem compatible. Now the kicker is this had been going on for a few weeks but I just found out. She doesn’t seem comfortable mentioning this stuff around me and avoids many details when I’m around. Which is odd to me because of how open she has been to me in the past with her old boyfriend and her breakup etc.
She mentions though she needs a nerdy guy “because she finds them hot to quote her” and someone who is a gentleman that she can vibe with. Now clicks are starting to happen in my brain where she and her best friend have called me “nerd” numerous times and a lot of my one on one hangouts with this girl have been doing “nerd” things. And last time I drove her from a bar after a night of drinking (I was sober she was drunk) she went on about how much of a gentleman I am and how sweet I am etc.
Earlier that same day too I was telling stories of past relationships and mentioned how I’m a bit oblivious to hints and things. I bring up that a lot of my relationships start because the girl makes it known that she is interested when I can’t tell. The girl in question seemed interested in this story and asked “wait so you don’t pursue girls you’re interested in actively?” She’s usually a more reserved person too so her quick chime in startled me a bit.
So now I’m wondering if I’m being an idiot again and she is interested in me and am thinking about asking for some clarification. I don’t know though if I should ask her best friend or her directly to make sure this question isn’t awkward in the friend group.
The best friend hasn’t given my any indication that she knows something but the two are really close and we were all good friends when she was in her previous relationship so the girl might not share it with her best friend.
On the other hand I am going to hang out with the girl in question a lot more when finals are done and we have more free time, but I don’t want to make things awkward between us. I’m perfectly fine exploring something more and perfectly fine staying her good friends.
So who should I ask if I should ask at all?
Comments
Stop playing games, ask her out for a coffee date. Mention that it’s a date. If she declines, say something along the lines of “Darn, that’s a shame,” and then just pretend it never happened. Don’t pester her, don’t ask why, just accept the no.
It sounds like you have a lot of respect for her, and that’s a great foundation for any relationship, romantic or otherwise. The way things unfolded, though, makes it clear that timing and circumstances are key here. You didn’t act quickly on your feelings, and that’s okay — sometimes the moment just doesn’t align. She’s likely moved on, especially given how she’s distanced herself. If you truly want to reconnect, be clear about your intentions and take things slowly, but be prepared for the possibility that she might not feel the same way anymore. The most important thing is to avoid making her feel uncomfortable. If you do reach out, keep it respectful, and make sure she feels safe and in control of her response.
Brother be directttttt ask her u got a have the balls and do it , it’s not complicated
No, don’t ask her how she feels. Just ask her out. You’ll either get a yes or a no.