I 17F live with my Dad , my step mum and my step siblings 15F and 10M.
My dad is the bread winner of the house and my step mum currently started a business venture as a boutique owner and works a part time 9 to 5 weekday job to partially fund it. We live in a conservative country where the gender roles are very strict.
My siblings and I had to take on majority of the housework. I make all meals and my siblings wash dishes.
Of recent I had a party for one of me and my sisters friends where I was the chef and my sister helped out. I had to make everything from home and take it to the location. It was a tight deadline and I managed to complete it.
I cleaned all the counters and appliances, swept and mopped the kitchen and dining room. I did however leave a huge pile of dishes which were washed by the time I came back.
Now here’s where I might be the asshole. The birthday included a breakfast menu which I also had to make. That morning my step mum entered the kitchen and started picking at small things like how I left the flour out which I was still actively using or how I forgot to put leftovers in the fridge or how I wasnt thorough enough when I cleaned a certain appliance and I blew up on her.
I feel like it was from pent up resentment. But to keep on topic I feel like the standard she has set for how she wants the house to be is one she herself can’t keep. So I was angry she thinks that kids who don’t even get allowances are gonna keep it up. Needless to say we got into a huge argument where I said a lot of harsh things.
I feel like a servant in my own home. We are at their beck and call for everything. We make customised breakfast orders for each of them. They have separate dinner requests. We make them tea and snacks throughout the day. And we have school, homework and assignments we have to complete. We must also be A students but must at the same time keep the home completely clean.(2 story five bedroom house)
And I would be okay with this if she didn’t have to constantly bark at how we havent cleaned small things she could very well do herself as she doesnt manage her boutique on her own and she gets off work early and the only housework she does is sometimes make breakfast and deep clean on Sunday.
But then again I might be entitled and I feel bad now cause her kids also got involved and yelled at her as well. She ended up packing up and going to spend Easter at her mum’s. I could have just let it be and fixed the stuff she wanted me to fix cause they don’t take so long. So AITA?
TLDR:
I 17F and my siblings 10M and 15F do almost everything around the house. My step mum constantly asks me to clean up better or asks more of us but I feel like her standard is too high for our current situation and she herself can’t keep them. So I yelled at her and now I feel bad because her children also yelled at her and she left to stay at her mother’s this Easter. AITA?
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I 17F live with my Dad , my step mum and my step siblings 15F and 10M.
My dad is the bread winner of the house and my step mum currently started a business venture as a boutique owner and works a part time 9 to 5 weekday job to partially fund it. We live in a conservative country where the gender roles are very strict.
My siblings and I had to take on majority of the housework. I make all meals and my siblings wash dishes.
Of recent I had a party for one of me and my sisters friends where I was the chef and my sister helped out. I had to make everything from home and take it to the location. It was a tight deadline and I managed to complete it.
I cleaned all the counters and appliances, swept and mopped the kitchen and dining room. I did however leave a huge pile of dishes which were washed by the time I came back.
Now here’s where I might be the asshole. The birthday included a breakfast menu which I also had to make. That morning my step mum entered the kitchen and started picking at small things like how I left the flour out which I was still actively using or how I forgot to put leftovers in the fridge or how I wasnt thorough enough when I cleaned a certain appliance and I blew up on her.
I feel like it was from pent up resentment. But to keep on topic I feel like the standard she has set for how she wants the house to be is one she herself can’t keep. So I was angry she thinks that kids who don’t even get allowances are gonna keep it up. Needless to say we got into a huge argument where I said a lot of harsh things.
I feel like a servant in my own home. We are at their beck and call for everything. We make customised breakfast orders for each of them. They have separate dinner requests. We make them tea and snacks throughout the day. And we have school, homework and assignments we have to complete. We must also be A students but must at the same time keep the home completely clean.(2 story five bedroom house)
And I would be okay with this if she didn’t have to constantly bark at how we havent cleaned small things she could very well do herself as she doesnt manage her boutique on her own and she gets off work early and the only housework she does is sometimes make breakfast and deep clean on Sunday.
But then again I might be entitled and I feel bad now cause her kids also got involved and yelled at her as well. She ended up packing up and going to spend Easter at her mum’s. I could have just let it be and fixed the stuff she wanted me to fix cause they don’t take so long. So AITA?
TLDR:
I 17F and my siblings 10M and 15F do almost everything around the house. My step mum constantly asks me to clean up better or asks more of us but I feel like her standard is too high for our current situation and she herself can’t keep them. So I yelled at her and now I feel bad because her children also yelled at her and she left to stay at her mother’s this Easter. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I yelled at my step mum after she told me to basically clean up better and be more organised.
Though I had my convictions as to why I felt frustrated, it shouldn’t have been so abrupt and I shouldn’t have done it in Easter season. I also feel partially guilty that my argument with her got her kids involved which ultimately led her to packing up and staying at her mum’s for the holiday.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
My old grouchy self was all set to call you the A-H for leaving the dirty dishes and the remark about allowances (feeling that everyone has to get household chores done, and you don’t always get paid to pull your weight.)
I am glad I kept reading because you’re NTA
>We are at their beck and call for everything. We make customised breakfast orders for each of them. They have separate dinner requests. We make them tea and snacks throughout the day.
This is a ridiculous level of demands from your parents. You and your siblings aren’t just pulling your weight, you’re harnessed to an extreme level of household responsibilities.
>I feel bad now cause her kids also got involved and yelled at her as well.
Sounds like they’re frustrated too.
NTA. In no universe are you the A. Making two separate dinners for your adult parents is so wild I can’t even. When I was a kid, my mom usually made dinner, and the rule was if I didn’t like it, I didn’t have to eat it but that’s what we were having. So I could eat that, make myself a sandwich, or just not eat.
Personalized dinner requests for each parent is NOT normal. You are not entitled. She is entitled and thinks she can get free labor out of her kids. Some chores are normal. Doing dishes, laundry, taking out the trash, those are all normal. Making meals sometimes is normal too, and if you really like it, having that be your responsibility is fine. But you should NOT be having to make two separate specialized meals just because your parents want different things. That is beyond unreasonable and I want you to know that most families only have one dinner each night. This expectation on top of homework and keeping good grades IS too much. I’m not saying you can do anything about it since you’re 17, but I want you to know that feeling frustrated and letting your parents know how frustrated you are does NOT make you an A.
It is fine to do some chores – for example, if your parents cook, then you and your siblings can lay the table and wash up and put away the dishes. It is also fine to agree as a family that you are going to support one person to be able to focus on something important for a while (we had a year of being frugal when I was a teen, as my Dad stopped working to try to publish a novel and we had to live on only my mum’s salary, which was less than we had been used to when they were both earning). And it is fine to expect you to clean up after you cook for your friends. I also don’t think that the allowance thing is a deal breaker – they are providing for you in other ways (unless they made you pay for the ingredients for your friend’s events, and you have to pay for your own clothing and travel etc).
However, it isn’t reasonable to expect kids to be like household servants who make all food and drink to order for their parents, including separate meals for each of them. And it isn’t reasonable to expect a home with three children to be kept immaculate like a show-home all the time. Plus if you are in the midst of exams or unwell, then they should ensure that you have fewer chores – particularly if they expect you to get high grades. Finally, her standards and expectations seem unreasonable, and it sounds like your parents don’t thank you and praise you for the work you are putting in, but find fault instead. So I can sympathise with you expressing your frustration.
NTA. I hope you can work things out in your home so that there is a fairer distribution of labour.
NTA. she is an adult, so 99% of the things ur doing should b her job inside rhe home. As in, that should b the jobs of adults. I wouldn’t put this all on ur stepmother tho, cuz where’s ur dad in all of this? That’s his wife, jes your parent, amd a member of that household also. So he shouldn’t b allowing all this either.
Wow. She could have easily hire professional help and paid them good money so ALL OF YOU can have lives outside of homes BUT decides making all of you slave out for both of them and criticise your work for it. Thats crazy entitled behaviour NTA