I’m 16m, and I used to date this girl who lived practically across the country. And I felt so deeply about her and I’ve had such a hard time getting over her. I deleted most of the things I had, but i kept like 15 photos of her because I’m too afraid to let go of her fully. It’s so hard for me to do but i can’t keep thinking about her because it’s making me so depressed all the time. Does anyone have advice on what to do?
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I think it depends on how it broke up – if it was time and place and there may be an opportunity for reconciliation, communicate with her and tell her exactly how you feel. If it is a distance thing, and it is just not viable to have long distance, for either one of you, tell her how you feel, that you would like to maintain a friendship with her and, maybe in future if your paths cross, it can be something more. However, if this is a break up because she doesn’t want to be with you, you need to accept it and move on (she may be right for you but you may not be right for her and a relationship requires both to actively want to be with each other). If it is the latter, accept that it is better this way – you may have a crush but you will not have a truly happy and intimate relationship with someone who doesn’t really want to be with you and feels about you in the same way you do about them – you will never get what you want from this dynamic. You should get yourself out there and realise there will be loads of people who you will build a mutual connection with, who will be just as interesting as the last. But, building relationships comes from being open and vulnerable to a new person so you need to get yourself out of that depression, in order to attract new people in your life – it is true that what you put out, you get back (even if you have to fake it until you make it – this is often the path to curing depression – there is always a bit of faking it to get the ball rolling and get you out of the house – when I was struggling with securing work, I made zero friends, few people interacted with me on the street etc. Secured a job, was unconsciously really smiley and felt super light – within 15 minutes, I had engaged with ten people, who actively approached me – social anxiety affects majority of people, to some degree….. people are scared approaching people who they think may reject them). Unless you are obsessing over the photos and they are holding you back from moving forward, don’t be rash and throw them away – it may feel like the end of the world now but as you age, and have other relationships, you will likely see the relationship differently – as a step that you needed to get to where you finally ended up and see it as just part of your journey as opposed to the end of a journey (you may then have a lot of sentimental attachment to those photos reminding you, not of your lifelong love, but your first love)