Just need to get my truth off my chest. I found out this morning that my abusive ex (whom abused me for years in every single way you could imagine), died by s*icide. I’m glad he’s gone, but am struggling with being glad someone passed.
For context, he started grooming me at 12, and was r*aping me by the time I was 14. I didn’t understand this wasn’t normal then. He continued abusing and terrorizing me until I was in my early 20s.
His death is bringing up a lot of the past trauma I experienced with him, and I’m glad he’s gone. I watched him to do same thing to other women once I left him. And I’m so glad he’ll never be able to hurt a woman again. The relief I feel is conflicting. I know it’s bad to wish for or be happy someone has passed, right? But I am. I’m so relieved.
Thank you for listening.
Comments
It’s ok to feel that way op. Nothing wrong with it. Hope u have peace from now on. 👊🏼
You shouldn’t feel bad, it’s normal bc of the horrible trauma
You should feel happy
the way you feel relief is healthy and perfectly understandable – the threat is gone now, for good. That relief must feel incredible. They can never ever hurt you again, because they are gone! Give yourself a little treat and dance on their grave. You deserve to finally feel safe and you deserve to celebrate that. ❤️🩹
It is okay to feel relieved. You can be relieved that you know he won’t torment you anymore. And you can be relieved that he won’t torment anyone else either. Relief is different happiness. But even if you were happy that his past I also think that would be okay.
Remind yourself that every other person if they were in the same place as you and had the same experience as you would likely feel the same. You are not a bad person for feeling this. It is fair unreasonable that you feel this you are OK.
Don’t be.
It would be a relief to know where the ex is and that he cannot hurt another person
That title is fucking funny. Dark funny, but funny.
When evil leaves this world, it is cause for celebration. Don’t feel bad for wanting the world to be a better place. I wish we could execute all child abusers.
You should feel happy. The people who are like “you shouldn’t celebrate anyone’s death!!” Haven’t actually had to live in the same world with people who have hurt them. I don’t care. Some people ARE evil and they ARE fucked up and it IS a relief and a joy to hear when they’ve died. You don’t have to beat yourself up because you’re happy a rapist killed himself.
That’s normal. Most people should be happy to have one less rapist in the world. You’re not a bad person.
🎶You can hang your chains on me when you’re six feet deep. This heart ain’t yours to bleed, now that yours no longer beats.
Hallelujah, I’m over you, yeah. I buried you, oh Lord, you’re dead to me.
Rest in peace~🎶🖕🏻
This is the only thing I thought about when reading this post. He deserves damnation and no remorse for the loss of his life, and you should be happy this evil man is no longer in existence. It doesn’t matter if he had family and friends who cared about him. He gets no sympathy from you, and that’s how it should be.
this sounds twisted but, i’m happy for u. i was so relieved when one of abusers died and it felt like closure finally. it’s okay to feel guilty but don’t shame yourself for it. u have have done nothing wrong . he was a rapist who deserved to die. maybe instead of ruminating, u could start processing your trauma and working through it? hugs xxx
it is normal. also, they will not be able to hurt you or anyone else except the worms that dare munch on their already rotted brain
I was in therapy from ages 14-25, because I was abused as a child. One of my abusers (a family member) passed when I was 25.
My cousins thought I was cold hearted because I didn’t cry for the decreased family member, maybe a psychopath but all I felt was relief. At that point four of my cousins had seven kids between them, and all I could think was “they’ll never have to deal with the same fears that I did.
I asked my therapist about it and what she told me was: it’s normal to grieve but when someone hurt you so bad repeatedly it’s also human nature to feel relief, and it’s normal to feel guilty about being relieved because we are always taught that we shouldn’t rejoice in someone’s demise. However those social rules don’t apply to trauma. She abused you. You grieved her when she was alive, you’ve already paid your respects now honour that little girl inside whose happy about one less reason to be afraid.
Those who were never abused and never studied trauma will not always understand. That’s okay if they want to learn why, they’ll listen.
When I heard my ex wife died, I can totally relate. It was a surreal feeling and experience.
The hell she put me through. She lied to get me to marry and then unleashed the monster she really was. There were attempts on my life, physical violence, non stop theatres to end my career, constant manipulation and physiological abuse. She never apologized. Then there was the affairs. She stole my life savings.
She used her dad’s connections and money to make sure I got absolutely get F’d in court after I filed. She would call and say I just took her back, she would end my punishment. That is what and she and her mother called what they were doing to me in the divorce. Punishing me for filing.
I never shed a tear. I felt such a relief to hear she was dead. I knew it felt wrong but it felt so damn right at that very moment. That bjg azz sign of relief I let out. Shane it didn’t happen sooner.
The fact that you feel conflicted is a lot more empathetic than I’d have felt
No, you have every right to be happy, excited, overjoyed and so on. Good f’in riddins to a no good co$k sucker. And you OP are one beautiful survivor. Good for you. You should celebrate. Much love
I’ve had two different well credentialed therapists identify that my mother had Munchausen’s – basically she was trying to incapacitate me via incarceration in a facility or unalive me and get away with it via self-defense.
Most likely, I will pass before her for reasons.
The realization that I was correct about her intentions + the realization that evil is a preservative just knocked me out for about a year.
You’re SO lucky!!!
If my abusive parent died tomorrow? I would go buy a lottery ticket!!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Of course you’re glad.
Get somatic therapy/ nervous system supports as you process this change in your life.
SAFETY IS A PRACTICE
Go for it.
There’s nothing wrong with feeling relief. In fact I’m actually happy for you that the person that caused you so much hurt is no longer allowed to do it to anyone else.
One piece of shit has left this world. I am happy too, OP.
It’s perfectly okay to have those emotions.
My dear, the day of my abusive ex’s funeral, if anyone in his miserable life cares enough to have one for him, I am planning to take myself out for a very expensive steak dinner.
Enjoy your relief. His death has given you the one thing his life couldn’t – safety.
My abusive ex also died recently, I actually made a most about it when it happened. He tried to kill me and drugged me every day unknowingly (I say he Charles Manson-ed me because he essentially was brainwashing me). He overdosed which is honestly kind of poetic given him drugging me. I felt the same way you feel. But it’s ok to feel that way. At the end of the day, karma got them both.
Totally ok to celebrate some deaths.
Good. It’s good he’s dead.
If you need it, you have permission to be happy and celebrate. Feel all of your feelings and move forward.
You are finally free. Blessed be to you. 🪶 💜
Your feelings are valid. I’m going to get flack but I’d be happy if the father of my kids died, he was abusive in a lot of ways and still makes my life difficult.
You are now free of the burden of wondering if he’d try to come back, go crazy, or hurt someone else. Even if that’s not something you’ve thought about consistently it’s still something that’s crossed your mind I’m sure. Don’t beat yourself up about it, he did that enough when you were with him.
Rule #1 of emotions: you can’t control them.
You feel what you feel and that’s that.
It’s what you do that matters. You are allowed to be happy. You are allowed to be relieved. You are allowed to be confused about what you feel. It’s what you do with those emotions that makes you who you are.
(And if you wanna go piss on his grave, just don’t get caught)