It’s really hard for me to say this. And honestly I’m not sure what’s gonna happen. I think it all started when I was 15. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and bipolar disorder along with some terminal illnesses and all this other junk that just weighed me down. I failed school, I failed work, I failed every relationship and friendship I ever had. I’m 19 now and I plan on just disappearing into the night. I have my route and car ready, my bags are packed. I’m scared but I know this is what I have to do.
This next part is for my mom and dad, and my brother.
Mom, it’s not your fault. You tried your best to protect me and keep me safe. I love you. If I ever see you again I want you to know you’ll always be my best friend, let’s get pho sometime, okay?
Dad, I know you did all of that for me. I know I have it good and I know I’m being an idiot but I don’t want to die here. Thank you for supporting me and always taking a second to look at things from my point of view.
Brother, thank you. Keep being weird. I’m sorry I did all that stuff to you when we were kids. I care about you, even if sometimes it feels like I don’t.
Well, this is it. I leave in two hours headed north.
Comments
you sound like you have a fam that really does give a shit abt you, and if it’s one thing ik abt the world it’s that no one is looking in your best interest fire n foremost the way your fam will. i think it might inversely hurt them to see you leave and maybe think “what if we didn’t do enough? what if we fucked up?”
i remember looking back on the times i thought abt hurting myself/running away n looking back all i can think is how selfish it fucking was to think to even do that shit when i had ppl who loved me and would be hurt by my doing that shit
not in a “you’re a bad person way” you’re not you’re hurting it’s human i get it
but don’t hurt the ppl who love u
take love in w open arms n let it cycle around, what goes around comes around n there will come a day for u to give all of that love n more back to ur fam. don’t hurt them by making them believe how they tried to help wasn’t enuff, that wud rly fucking hurt for them n it wud hurt out of luv for u
How much money do you have, how old are you, what are your plans, TELL SOMEONE YOUR LEAVING. Even if they are not in your household. You need support.
My advice is dont do it, get some sort of help like therapy or something.
but if you really do do it, make sure in whatever note you leave you make it clear you are NOT harming yourself physically, only running away (“I am not harming myself, im just gonna go live and experience, without any plan”)
since your 19 you really could just talk with them and tell them your plan.
If you do runaway send postcards to your family and keep in-touch with letters or whatever. Let them know your okay.
Technically, you cant and arent a runaway because you’re an ADULT 😅…… but i get the idea. If you feel you need a fresh start just do it.
Tell them face to face or by phone…. no need for theatrics. But by living at home if its a safe, supportive environment, you get a headstart to save money and have a sense of family
This is stupidity… you are about to fail the last most important thing in life; your family. How about this: today you stop failing and start winning. You don’t leave but share the note you wrote… be open about what you are feeling. That is how you turn things around. There are so many things you can do to change. You just need to take the first step and be open to change, accept help, and be honest about what you feeling. It takes the help of others to be successful; going it alone will cause failure.
You’re not alone, and there’s no shame in needing help please reach out to someone you trust or a mental health professional. You deserve peace, not disappearance. Starting over doesn’t have to mean running away, sometimes it just means asking for support.