Hi I am 20m
This morning has been dare I say the worst
I woke up this morning excited to hand my mother her care package that I bought for Mother’s Day which contained some things she’d been wanting for a while.
I also made reservations for her, my brother and myself at one of the best local restaurants
as I head downstairs all jovial and ready to start the day positively I can already sense some sort of tension
I go into the kitchen and she and my brother are there, my brother (10m) opened one of our cupboard doors a smidge to hard for mums liking and proceeds to smack him twice on the back of the head, I’m standing there gobsmacked as I’m now confused as to what’s going on.
At this point I’m hiding my gift behind my back as I was going to surprise her but now I’m just stood like a statue,
She turns to me and i say “what do you want me to do is there anything I can do to help”
She turns to me and just says “I hope you got me a card”
And then I realise I’d made a massive oversight and in my quest to give her a good Mother’s Day I’d forgotten to buy a card.
I said no and apologised and she essentially told me she didn’t want to speak to me and that I should cancel the dinner.
She is now crying hysterically and I am at a loss as to what I should do I’m just sat on the floor wondering what the hell just happened and how I can even rectify this situation? Any suggestions?
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She sounds ungrateful. Go for lunch with your brother
Edit: don’t mean that in a mean way, my mother was the same and it gets worse as you get older (M35)
Well your mum is asking a lot from someone who’s not even 2 years old yet
If I came down to my mum hitting my 10yo brother around the head I would be taking him out for the day and letting my mum stay home to reflect on her failure as a mother.
Is your little brother okay? It’s not OK for her to hit him. Stop grovelling to your mum until she apologises to your brother (if this is a common thing she does, talk to someone – do you have a dad.)
It sounds like it is a her problem, not a you problem. Let her calm down and then try again.
She sounds like she needs help. Professional help. I mean that sincerely.
If this is a real situation, and I really hope it’s just a joke, then there’s much bigger issues than a card.
You need to help yourself and your brother out of a weird toxic relationship with your mother and find some proper support and balance in your life.
There’s plenty of charities, and you could start with childline…
I would be more concerned about your little brother being smacked in the head instead of worrying about your mum not getting a card.
Your mother sounds awful. What the fuck is she even crying for?
Take your little brother out instead.
Your mum has issues
Take your brother out for the day I beg, parents like this don’t change. She truly sounds undeserving and horrific for what she did to your brother, sending my love to you
Not normal behaviour, respectfully I think something is going on with your mum and I mean in that in the most respectful way ever. Hope it gets sorted out and sorry your day started off like this.
Ah buddy. I had a lot of mothers’ days like that as a child. (Not the hitting though). Now I’m a mum I just play it chill and appreciate anything that comes my way, no expectations. Once my mum painted herself into a corner, we never found a way to fix it I’m sorry to say. Bug you could try to tell her that you didn’t ‘forget’ as she assumes. You just didn’t remember the card. A card is just a bit of paper. You remembered x
Mother sounds like a cunt tbh
She sounds like a child abuser
Your mother is abusive, nothing you do will ever be good enough in her eyes sadly.
Your mum sounds unwell. Flipping out over the opening of a cupboard?! She needs some help.
Go and give her your care package so she knows you hadn’t forgotten – that in itself is much better than a card and check on your bro. Maybe take him for the meal.
Have you got a grandparent / dad nearby?
This is weird, as I was just remembering the exact same scenario that happened to me when I was about 10. My brothers were teenagers and she stayed in bed all day. It was a sign of things to come, and very much showed her wor is me victim mentality.
Couple of different options, I would say dependent on whether this is standard behaviour/she has other stuff going on. So she may just need a cool off and may apologize if this isn’t set behaviour.
Apologise give her the gift and explain you want her to have a nice day and try to win her round. Bonus points if you go out and get a card.
Apologise, but explain you think she’s overreacted when you have organized a day and got her a gift. Await apology from her.
Fight fire with fire, Ignore her, and go out with your brother.
Sounds like there is something wrong. It’s nothing to do with a card. Try to be kind and find out.
You’re an adult5 up for your brother and yourself. Your mother does sound mentally unwell but that’s her problem, it’s fair she takes it out on you and certainly not a 10 year old
Jesus, what a toxic family.
From an outsider’s perspective the events of this morning were:
It’s a f@ckin hallmark day, as is Father’s Day. I do not need a card or any other stuff. On some arbitrary day in the year to celebrate my relationship with my child.
She sounds like (and not to armchair diagnose but speaking from personal experience) she has borderline personality disorder.
She needs professional help regardless if it’s that or something else.
Tl;dr this is exactly why I don’t do mothers day, and I am no contact with her. Its just never worth it. But also some advice as the older sibling with three younger siblings, it shouldn’t be your job but please look out for them. In this situation she was abusive, and I doubt it’s the first time. Looking out for a child’s welfare is always more important than the adult abusing them.
What’s a care package? I’ve always bought my mum a present.
Please tell your step dad that your mum hit your brother and send an email to your brothers school stating the incident the email will be on the website of his school you just have to state your brothers name, mums name, address and what happened.
And please don’t bother about making your mums day better, she’s being abusive over a card when you went to so much effort and she shat all over it.
~ I am a mum of young and older children, I wouldn’t smack any of them for any reason and I sure as hell wouldn’t be upset if they forgot a card.
My dad smacked me and my brothers for unreasonable things like opening cupboards wrong and that guy is in a home he had to out himself in because not one of his kids wanted anything to do with him once they left home
I’ve been there mate, my mother was always like this. You’ll never win, even if you’d got her a card there’d be something else wrong. My advice? Take what she says at face value and don’t try to acquiesce to her. If she says cancel the dinner, cancel it. She’ll regret it later but she needs to know that actions have consequences.
Take good care of your brother and look out for him.
My mum pulled stuff like this when I was younger. Mother’s Day and the lead up to it was hugely stressful for me.
I eventually stopped commemorating it and told her exactly why. If she’d been normal about it she’d still be getting a card, a present and a phone call. Now it’s an annual reminder of her shitty behaviour.
Your mum needs professional help, OP. Has she been to the doctors since her relationship broke down?
Get your brother and get the hell out.
As a parent raising a hand to a child regardless of what they’ve done is NEVER okay. And 2, a cupboard door? Seriously? It doesn’t matter what we as parents go through we put our feelings aside for the sake of our children. Like it or not. We can emote when they’re not around!!
Please tell your stepdad, and get out yourself because she’ll start taking it out on you!
Does she normally behave like that? Throws a strop over a small thing, the missing card, then cancels the big thing and makes a big show of how upset she is?
And hitting your brother, or you?
Either she’s over reacting to the recent breakup, which is still wrong, or she’s an absolute nightmare and I hope you start just getting her get on with it.
Ike cancelling the meal due to a missing card. Would she have preferred just a card? Maybe that’s all she’s will get for her birthday….
Give lil bro a big hug
My mother in law behaved like this every year. Tantrums and tears despite not putting in a single iota for us.
Guess who’s spending Mother’s Day alone?
I would look up videos and stuff on emotionally immature parents because it sounds like you’ve been the one regulating her emotional needs at best and that she’s abusive at worst. Well I mean she definitely is but there’s a scale. Idk if this is normal behaviour or not but you shouldn’t have to be fawning to make her happy and appease her. You were very thoughtful and treating her so I assume you have good times. But I would make sure your brothers father knows that this is going on. Your mum needs help and not just from you. But really I think you’d gain something from understanding about emotionally stunted parents. You aren’t alone
Where I live, what she did is illegal and she should now be spending Mother’s Day explaining herself to the police while you help your brother understand that hitting children is not normal by taking him somewhere nice and enjoying himself.
My Mom was similar. Nothing was ever right on Mother’s Day in her eyes.
Instead of appreciating your efforts, you Mom plays victim and ruins the day. Next year, hand her a card and be done. Also, I’d make a point to tell her to not hit your 10yo brother in the head anymore.
I would give your Mum her gift to cheer her up and try and talk to her. What she did isn’t okay, but talking things through may help her feel like she has someone to talk to and it could help greatly going forward. I think opening her up to talking is a good step forward to maybe getting her some help later
Move out.
To be honest I’m 52 and for a long time I’ve given my mother the benefit of the doubt for years. Until a couple of years ago I realised what an ass wipe she really is.
The least I have to interact with her the better.
Do yourself a favour. If she’s wailing over not getting a mother’s day card then it’s just going to get worse.
The card isn’t the issue. Your mum is probably really struggling and taking it out on you and your brother, which isn’t okay. Your brother is your top priority right now
(I’m setting aside the aggression toward your little bro, as that’s obviously not fair on her part- hitting a kid is never ok. But that’s kind of separate).
You approach her, and you tell her how much thought you’d put into the package and everything else, and how excited you were to give it to her. How you had planned it and chosen it.
All she wanted was to be thought of and appreciated, and that’s exactly what you did because you’re a lovely thoughtful son.
When she said ‘I hope you got me a card’, what she meant was ‘I hope you’ve remembered it’s mother’s day and have thought of me’. Which you did in a really sweet and thoughtful way. Any mum would be over the moon with that.
A piece of cardboard wasn’t the point, so the answer ‘no’ must have taken the wind out of her sails and triggered all this if she was feeling vulnerable/on edge. I’m not excusing her behaviour, as she clearly reacted very impulsively and horribly without giving you a chance to explain.
Hopefully you’ll have the chance over the course of the day to explain, and she might well feel like a total piece of crap for being so mean. But I hope in the end she’ll understand that you did something really sweet, and she will I hope appreciate it.
Some people really like cards..
“Mom, you have behaved completely unreasonably and should apologize to my brother, it’s just not acceptable. I will be away for mother’s Day next year, and future years because it just isn’t worth the grief. Here are the flowers I bought, I cancelled the dinner at X. See you tomorrow.”
You did absolutely nothing wrong OP. It sounds like you’d put a lot of thought into the day, which most Mums would have been so grateful for. I hope you and your brother are ok.
I’m also having a Mother’s Day disaster. I have to go for a meal with my mother in law.
Hitting a defensive child is never okay.
Your poor, poor brother.
Sounds like your mother needs help, but this is her responsibility. As much as you want to rectify this, she needs to help herself first. You’re not responsible for her emotions.
Is this normal for her? If so, she’s abusive. If not, she might be having some sort of mental health issue and you might want to speak to someone about it. Another family member perhaps? Your dad?
As a mother and as a human without being disrespectful and knowing yours mums life story she should be ashamed of her behaviour and doesn’t deserve a son like you.
My daughter is the same age as you and even now id be ecstatic with a long hug and that would be enough to make my day.
Take your sibling out for the meal as your “mum” has made her choice into not wanting to participate.
IMO you’ve gone above and beyond with thoughtfulness in your gift and should be appreciated and cherished and not berated for lack of a card.
I’d never want my child to feel like that so i genuinely can’t understand why your mum chose to react in that way.
Your mum is a manipulative abuser. Give her the gift she deserves and go no contact. Get some therapy and live a happy life without her.
She sounds like my ex girlfriend, Jesus. She sounds abusive
This didn’t happen.
Ah now I‘m invested. Btw did you give her the care package? You said that you were hiding it behind your back but there is no mention of giving it to her, only that you said you bought no card.
It’s absolutely not okay that she hit your brother. Full stop.
Separate to that, a card really isn’t a difficult thing to remember. Mums deserve thoughtful cards and gifts. I know you tried, but I hope your mum remembers a card for you on your special days in addition to a gift and reservations.
Is she always like this or is it just mother’s day?
Tell her to get a grip. For Mother’s Day for the last 25 years I have only ever got the card the children made at nursery/primary school, and no acknowledgement that it’s Mother’s dat at all from my husband. This morning my youngest made waffles for breakfast and that’s the most acknowledgement I have had in the last 4 years. Do I feel hard done-by? Well, to be honest a little. Am I freaking out about it and hitting a child? NO because that’s not reasonable behaviour. I sent MY Mum a message on Facebook instead.
As you stated, your mother and stepdad only separated a month ago
And I expect she is struggling to come to terms with that. Also,I would have expected your stepdad to have some consideration of the fact that it was Mother’s Day and ensured that your brother had a card for her and maybe let him have the day with you and her you don’t say how old you are but maybe you could have helped your younger brother remember or helped him make a card. As far as I can see from your post, you appear to be a rather dysfunctional family at the moment. As the father of seventeen children 3 who are adopted, I have always when they were young ensured they had a card and present for mum on mother’s day and now they are older they take responsibility for making sure they remember mother’s day