My (M24) girlfriend (F24) keeps complaining about issues that are easily solvable but she doesn’t want to make the necessary changes to fix them.
She lives at home with her parents, and has no bills with the exception of a car payment and insurance on it. She only makes enough money to pay for those two bills, she establishes no savings and what little money she does end up with she wastes on overpriced coffee or games for her PC.
She works an entry level job in retail, and she only works 2-3 nights a week, each shift only lasting about 4 hours each. She constantly complains about her work never working her enough and that she doesn’t make enough money. I’ve suggested countless other places she could work that would not only pay her more hourly but also work her full time, but she’s afraid of change and sites her lack of wanting to leave her current work place because of her enjoyment of her coworkers.
Looking to the future I’m disappointed that she doesn’t want to better herself because I really love her and I know she loves me, I trust her in that regard. But we hope to be married and living together in the next couple years and it sounds like I alone am going to be footing the bill for everything, the wedding and all. It leaves me worried, like I can’t truly look forward to the future because I don’t have someone to share the responsibility with and lighten the load. The burden is all on me. I wish she’d prove to me she can be dependable.
I find myself just bored of her anymore because of this. Frankly, I just don’t feel like talking to her that much because I know any kind of conversation we have is going to spiral into her complaining about monetary issues. She just wants to complain about them and hope things get better without making any changes. It’s classic victim mentality, thinking the situation is happening TO her rather than because of her.
I don’t want to break up with her but if there isn’t going to be any changes I fear I’ll have no other choice.
Comments
Your analysis is good.
I have a family member who is like your girlfriend in a lot of ways.
If she is cold, she will shiver and complain about the cold. If I say “put on a sweater” or “you know where your coat is?”, she will say “I’m okay” and keep shivering and complaining.
It’s really aggravating to see that the response to any problem (or even non-problems) is whining.
Do not marry a person who does this. It really gets old.
Have you spoken to her specifically about the extent to which this is effecting you?
If she knows the relationship is at risk and she still refuses to grow or build her life up, there’s nothing you can do, and that sucks. The longer you stay there the less time you have going in another direction.
I’ve found these parts of life to be some of hardest, but so important. Having to cut someone out that is somehow impeding you.