I, 16 F, have been best friends with Alisha, 17 F, for 3 years. We’ve laughed together, cried together, and been through all of each other’s tough times. Last summer she had a huge argument with a girl from our friendgroup, Xylophone, it was a whole messy thing. NEITHER of them could bounce back from this one. One of my close friends that I’ve been friends with for 12 years Paul, 16 F, took Xylophone’s side as they were closer friends. Alisha was discombobulated by this and expressed her hurt feelings to me. I said that it makes sense for Paul to take Xylophone’s side as they are really close friends, and she only knows her side. That was the turning point of our friendship. Alisha did NOT like that, and she distanced herself from me for the remainder of summer. We tried to make plans but they never seemed to work out. The school year rolled by and we both put in mutual effort to try to become close again. I had a plan with one of my newer friends Hennessy, and I decided to invite Alisha with us. She refused to come and left it at that. I didn’t think much of it at the time, I assumed she just wasn’t as comfortable with Hennessy. I tried to make plans with her multiple times after, but she just either said she didn’t want to come, or that she was busy. Later into the year, after we stopped talking completely, she sent me a snap flashback of us hanging out. That struck up the conversation of our friendship and she mentioned that we hadn’t hung out in a while. I said something in agreement that i don’t remember now, but it ticked her off and she said that the reason we hadn’t hung out was because she “cut me off in the summer lol”. I was taken aback and didn’t know how to respond. I left the conversation dry and let that sink in. A day later, she texted me and apologized for the way she said things. She straight up told me she apologized because one of our other friends told her it would be awkward if she didn’t. I accepted the apology but then just stopped talking to her for a few months. A few months ago she started sending me snap flashbacks of when we would hang out together and she would say that she missed hanging out with me. I don’t want to talk to her anymore or be her friend anymore, because she cut me off like we hadn’t been the best of friends for 3 years. I’m deeply hurt and I don’t know what to say to her. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!
I’m ghosting my best friend of 3 years because she told me she cut me off in the summer. WHAT DO I DO?
r/Advice
Comments
Ive been in similar situations, and I always think it’s best to just straight up tell them that you’ve been deeply hurt by their actions and you don’t feel comfortable being their friend anymore and leave it at that. You can’t make her understand your side, you can only tell her how her actions made you feel.
It also seems like she might just be bored and wants to bring drama up again, since she’s trying to contact you after months of not talking. She definitely doesn’t sound like a good friend, she seems like she just wants to keep you around for drama.
Sounds like your friend has a lot of maturing yet to do. Good on you for recognizing that and cutting HER off ;).
However, I’d explain that, so she knows what to work on, to bring closure for her and yourself, and so you are not silently retaliating like she did you.
An example would be: “I tried to be helpful and offer you another perspective on an issue that was bothering you, and instead of talking through your disagreement, you silently retaliated by ‘cutting me off.’ I did not feel prioritized as a friend for a long while, and I had no explanation as to why. I was deeply hurt by your actions, and the trust I had with you was broken after hearing how trivial an action it seems to have been for you. You showed that I cannot openly express my feelings or opinions to you, even in good intention, without fearing you will retaliate in some way when you don’t agree.”