After having escaped a year long porn addiction, as well as finally having started to pull myself out of the muck that are online incel communities, I have noticed that my view of women is incredibly sexualized (i.e. constantly glancing at their chests/backsides, immediately making a small mental not of hot/not hot when seeing them, etc.).
I’m still in my teens and have realized that objectifying/sexualizing women this way is NOT the way I want to go through the rest of my life.
Unfortunately, it’s become a sort of automatism by now, and I’m not sure how to proceed from here.
How do I remedy my sexualized view of women?
r/Advice
Comments
You actively tell yourself these are human beings with just as much depth and agency as you.
You catch yourself doing these things, and actively tell yourself “No. Don’t fucking do that!”
Keep in mind: Active. That means you are constantly on guard about this and literally tell yourself these things in the moment. Out loud (quietly, as to not freak someone out).
Just be mindful moving forward. Discipline and self control.
Keep a rubber band or hair tie on your wrist. Flick it whenever you have these thoughts. It will condition you to stop. You also have to actively think about how these thoughts are problematic. Think about the impact it has on women in society. Try writing down some of your ideas. You may also try to replace these thoughts with more appropriate ones. For example, thinking of them in a way that’s more than their looks. Thank you for trying to change, it’s important for everybody to be respected!
Start hanging out with your grandma. Grandma and her elderly friends. Or other female relatives.
You should not feel the reflex to sexualize them on sight, and thus internalize the fact that women are humans.
If you still feel the need to sexualize your grandma, you might need a therapist.
I just wanna say that recognizing the issue and wanting to work on it, is a great start. You can’t fix something you’re not aware of.
I hope you find some great answers 🙏
Think of it like it’s just a reflection of yourself. What you see is actually who you are. If you don’t want to be what you see in others then see something different and become something else yourself.
I think it’s normal at your age to see woman that way as you’re only a teen. As you experience more life and gain life experiences, I think you’ll naturally learn to not sexualize women as much.
I’m 29 and would rather prefer a nice conversation with a woman rather than a sexual one.