I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. I just found out my brother committed suicide. It sounds terrible to try to say, but this is the first time I’ve had to deal with this. I didn’t “know” anybody that had died before this. The fact that my brother died before my grandparents did. I am loss for words. Please, what do I do? What do I say? I can’t process it. Granted, it may have been a roller coaster, but I never wanted it to end in this way 🙁 And i’m traveling tomorrow to my sister who lives on the other side of the world (I BOOKED THIS A LONG TIME AGO) fuuuuuck man. And everything just seems so bad. Please, what do you do in this situation? I feel horrible. But I feel even more horrible to be asking this. I just need some guidance, some support, everything is fucked up right now.
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I am truly sorry for your loss. What you are experiencing is unimaginably painful, and there are no perfect words in these moments. You are not alone, and what you feel is completely legitimate. If you have the strength, don’t hesitate to talk to a professional, or even just confide in someone you trust. Take all the time you need. Your brother would never be a burden, and your sorrow is proof of the love you had for him.
Courage to you, and if you need to talk, the community is there
People are probably going to give you a lot of different advice on this, but no one can tell you a foolproof way to get through coping. Everyone copes differently and there’s no right or wrong way to do it. Feel your feelings, say whatever feels right to say, most importantly, TAKE THE TRIP TO YOUR SISTERS! Spend time with your family and talk it out, lean on each other. I’m so sorry for your loss 😞
First, I want to say how deeply sorry I am. You’re in the middle of something that no one is ever truly prepared for. Losing someone to suicide isn’t just a loss, it’s a sudden, jarring, disorienting rupture. And it’s completely okay that you don’t know what to say or do right now. No one does in the thick of this.
There is no “right” way to feel. You might feel heartbreak, confusion, guilt, anger, numbness or all of those at once. And none of that makes you a bad person. It makes you human.
You mentioned this is the first person you’ve lost, and it’s your brother. That’s huge. Your world just changed. Please let yourself cry. Let yourself break down. Let yourself just sit and be, without trying to make sense of everything right away.
As for what you can do right now:
Breathe. Literally, just take a few slow breaths. You’ve been hit with something massive, and grounding yourself moment by moment is important.
Let others in. Talk to someone, a friend, your sister, someone close, or even a grief counselor or hotline. You don’t have to carry all this by yourself. And you don’t need to have any words prepared. Just showing up and saying, “I don’t know what to do” is enough.
Traveling tomorrow: It’s okay to go. You’re not abandoning anything or running away. In fact, being with your sister might be the most comforting thing right now. Maybe you two can hold this grief together. You don’t have to have everything figured out before you get on that flight.
There is no wrong way to grieve. If you laugh tomorrow at something stupid, if you go numb for a day, if you scream into a pillow, it’s okay. If you don’t cry for a while, also okay. Your grief doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s.
Please don’t feel guilty for needing support. Asking for help in your darkest hour is not selfish, it’s brave. You’re showing up, even though you feel like you’re falling apart. That’s courage.
Later on, days, weeks, whenever, you might want to think about talking to a professional. Suicide loss comes with layers of grief, and you don’t have to unpack them alone. But for now? Just survive. That’s all that’s being asked of you. One breath at a time.
You are not alone in this. And please take care of yourself. ❤️
My brother killed himself 5 years ago, leaving 2 small kids and a wife + a grownup son with a different mother.
Me, my sister and parents and rest of family was shocked.
There is nothing i can write that will make you feel better. Life will be shit for a while no matter what you do. But i can say this; if you want to take your trip to your sister. Just do it. What had happend wont be umodne, but you and your sister probably will spend time bonding and talking a lot. Support and comfort each other.
It will take a LOT of time to process this stuff – its shit that i dont wish upon my worst enemy to experience. Time will make life easier – but you will never forget.
Take care and do what is good for you❤️
I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way, but I’m unable to provide the help that you need. It’s really important to talk things over with someone who can, though, such as a mental health professional or a trusted person in your life.
It will take years for the pain to fade. You will cry Into your pillow for many months. Only time can heal what logic can not. My best friend committed suicide 6 years ago, and it took about 3 years before I could think about it. Unfortunately, this is a part of life despite it being one of the worst aspects of life. You can’t turn back the wheel of time so try not to dwell o what could have been. Go easy on yourself and indulg a little.
My little brother died of an overdose a few years ago. Pain is different for everyone of course, but I can deeply empathize with what you’re going through right now. Don’t stuff those emotions away. Let yourself feel sad and angry and confused. I wrote letters to my brother nearly every day and I still do from time to time just to tell him how I’m feeling and what is going on in my life. Sometimes I save the letters, sometimes I throw them away. That’s one thing that has helped me though and it might be worth trying for you. Talk about him often, even if it’s just to yourself. Get yourself into grief group if you can find one close to you. Sometimes just sitting there and listening to other people and what they’ve been through can help too. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but know that things won’t feel so dark forever.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Weird advice, but download Tetris to your phone and play for a little while. It’s been proven to lessen the effects of traumatic post-stress symptoms. The sooner you play it after the event, the more it’s likely to help you long-term. Take care of yourself.
Do what your heart says and what will bring you immediate peace. If traveling to your sister to escape is the answer? Do so… if you want to be there to mourn and sort things out.. do so
Your only job right now is to breathe. Lay down and just breathe. Slow breaths.
You’re going through something so incredibly painful. No one expects you to just be ok.
It will take time. You’ll need support. You don’t have to say anything. Hug those around you and be hugged back. One day at a time.
I’m so sorry this happened. Sending you a calm heart and calm minds as you navigate through this loss.
Im sorry for you, stay strong brother
Take a deep few breaths.
You don’t need to act, nothing needs to happen.
Your head is storming a million miles a minute right now, and you need to know that in the grand scheme of things, nothing needs to happen at this moment.
The world will not end if you miss work, abandon the trip or whatnot.
You are owed this grief.
So take a breath.
It’s OK to scream, cry and shout.
It’s OK to be furious.
Let yourself feel what you need to feel. You might think you need to be strong, but it isn’t strength to hold onto grief, it’s self harm.
So hold your loved ones and cry together. Remember your brother as he was in your cherished memories.
And remember to be kind to yourself.
I’m so sorry
wtf why is every single comment here sorry for OP and not her brother? I feel like he should be the one to feel sorry for, not her. I assume he did it because nobody cared to help him or his mental health, and that i feel sorry the most, not your loss.
I’m so sorry. My brother shot himself 8 years ago leaving behind 7 kids and a wife. No explanation. It still hurts when I think about him and I’ve come to terms that there is no answer to why he did it. I miss him. I wish you well my friend.
thanks for all the help guys, you guys are the best ❤️ I can see everything. I hate to say it, but I just want to wait until tomorrow to respond. my headspace is just not ideal right now. I am okay, I just can’t stop looking at old pics. I can’t see this being real life, it feels like the most horrifying nightmare 🙁
I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope you have a safe recovery, no matter how long it takes. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to someone trusted for support.
My brother “accidentally “ OD on pain meds and alcohol. It’ll be 13 years this year.
It’s A LOT to process.
You don’t need to act a specific way.
You can feel however you feel.
To this day I’m angry with him.
He left his 12 year old son an orphan as his wife died from a heart condition when my nephew was 2.
There’s truly nothing anyone can say to you that will help or change the way you feel now nor in the future.
You learn how to live without them.
And quite honestly, it sucks.
My grandma at his funeral said “It should have been me, we shouldn’t be burying my grandson.”
Take care of you.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
That’s horrible. I’m so sorry for your loss.
You keep living your life. As horrible as that is.
Coming from someone who’s tried to take their own life and has had friends and family die from suicide, you keep doing what you were doing. Obviously you are gonna grieve it’s natural, but a good % of the time the person who killed themself doesn’t want the world to stop, just their pain.
You are allowed to be angry at him, you hate him even when you love and miss him dearly.
Go visit your sister, try to enjoy the time as much as you can, if it helps do this for you and your brother. Make memories for you (and him.).
Im truly sorry for your loss, and for the pain and hurt you now have to deal with.
I’m so sorry for your loss
Take your time, know you’re not alone❤️My messages are always open
My cousin killed himself last year. I knew a guy my age who did it a while back. My roommate attempted to and two of my best friends confessed to me they had suicidal thoughts. I guess I can try and scribble a few words that might potentially help.
One of my friends whose brother as I read between the lines also committed suicide told me a few words that stuck with me back when I was dealing with a loss of my father: ‘it was bad, but nowadays it’s just a sad memory’.
Time doesn’t really heal your wounds but gives you a mental distance. It’s a good thing. It will not necessarily feel better, but easier to bear. I’m speaking from experience.
What do you do? Go through it. Don’t suppress your feelings. When you’re sad, let yourself be. When you feel like crying, cry. When you’re angry, maybe don’t lash out on your family like I did, but acknowledge that you’re angry. Things will come and go. Let them.
Holy shit I am sooo sorry – LJL
I’m hella sorry you are going thru this