I hated my husband when I first met him

When I was almost 23 I began graduate school, and on my first day I was introduced to my officemate. He was a year older than me and had a different advisor, but his work was quite closely related in some ways to mine and his old officemate had graduated the term before. I introduced myself to him…and he immediately told me not to bother him for the rest of the week because he needed to be in the right “headspace” for writing, which apparently required complete silence.

As you might guess, that certainly was not the introduction I was expecting. My opinion of him only got worse for the next few months. I found him to be a haughty, annoying, sour, surly, whiny, insufferable prick. He was quick to flaunt what he knew and what he was learning, he never had a positive thing to say about anything other than his research (and even then, he was quick to complain when things were going tough), and he seemed to delight in bringing up the downside of everything anyone mentioned.

His opinion of me was no better. He initially treated me more like an annoyance than a colleague, and when he didn’t ignore me he would be quick to roll his eyes and interject something unhelpful whenever I had a conversation in his presence. Over time, though, I noticed that the way he treated me started to change. He’d start asking my opinion on things more (both alone and in front of others), he would defend me in discussions with others, and he started making small, nice gestures, like “accidentally” making too much food for himself and offering me some and lending me books (academic and recreational) just because he thought I’d appreciate him.

Of course, this didn’t really change my opinion of him, at first. It took a long time to notice the nice things about him, like how even when he was being a know-it-all he gave genuinely good advice and recommendations if you were willing to really listen to him, that we shared many hobbies, interests, passions, beliefs, and goals, he was very eccentric (a very positive thing in my book) and intelligent, and that he would do kind, generous things without wanting or expecting to be noticed for doing them.

It took a bit over a year for my opinion of him to start to change, and another year before I asked him out. He gave a very enthusiastic yes, and we’ve been together ever since. We’ve been married for 22 years now, and he’s my husband, best friend, confidant, and undeniably the love of my life.

(And yes, the username was intentional. Can’t be all sappy on my main account, can I?)