It was hour seven of my eight-hour shift at the grocery store. My feet were sore, my back ached, and I hadn’t had a proper break all day. I was focused on scanning items like bread, soup cans, a bag of apples, when some random stranger says
“Hey now, you’d be so much prettier if you smiled.”
I looked up and of course it’s an older man with a baseball cap and a half-cart full of frozen dinners stood there, grinning like he’d said something charming. Like he just made my day. I gave a tight, polite smile out of habit, even though I was exhausted and not in the mood for small talk. He chuckled and added, “There it is! That’s better.”
I wanted to say something, but I was at work, wearing my name tag, stuck behind the counter with a line of customers waiting. So I just kept scanning. Inside, though, I felt demeaned and irritated—like I was expected to perform happiness to please a stranger who knew nothing about my day. This is a common occurrence that happened all the time in completely inappropriate occasions. Why do they do it!??
Comments
Women do it too.
Because they need to feel superior.
The older generation want to be serviced with a smile. They want us to show how eager we are to help them. When they say things like that, they think they’re politely cueing us to do better. It’s ok, they’ll be dead soon.
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I believe some people might think that reminding others to smile might be nice, as in, activating a sort of “nice” switch, especially if it’s associated to feeling pretty – in their mind, of course. That’s the only logical explanation I can come up with.
Yes, a lot of people are going to argue that it’s a form of misogyny, or a power trip, or whatever, and while I agree, no one does things to specifically feel sexist, and no one thinks to do things as a power trip. They have to have some sort of justification, in their mind.
They might think you’re upset because you’re not pretty.
There’s a decent number of middle age/ older guys who are self-important douchebags.
I’m male but one time an older guy saw I was down and told me:
“Smile!”
“My grandpa just died.”
“Oh. . .”
(This is the end of the conversation. He just walks away like some asshole)
I work in sales and at my former company my boss and boss’ boss (both 50’sM) told me to smile all the time. It’d piss them off so bad if I looked anything other than thrilled to be in their company.
When I was with clients, I smiled a decent amount. For internal meetings – sometimes but definitely not always. That was an issue.
It’s a dominance behavior, notice they never do it to men or older women. They are looking for you to smile as a form of submission and it generally works for them.
Main character syndrome and wanting the world to bend to their needs.
Because they’re obnoxious twits.
Some people just like seeing other people happy. You obviously were dragging ass and he felt for you. Smiling, even when forced can cheer people up. Same with laughter. It releases endorphins.
This is an attitude more held by older people imo. Older generations used to live their lives more suppressed emotionally. They grew up thinking any bad or negative thoughts should be hidden from anyone else. If marriages fell apart, best to keep it underwraps. Family infighting? dont tell anyone. Got fired from job? dont tell anyone. feeling depressed? dont tell anyone, take this pill…. you get the picture.
So you can imagine them growing up this way their whole lives and then seeing some sad younger person and they’re like whoa no that’s not right in my book. SHOW ME A SMILE!!!
Same reason women don’t it to men. They are idiots.
Oh idk but I never smile so I heard it many times and I always look at them with deadly stare. They stop smiling and saying dumb things after that.
I was walking through the hospital just after my mum died and some guy said “smile, it might never happen!” and I wanted to karate chop that mofo into little pieces
An older guy at work did this to me one time. The 2nd time I told him to fuck off and don’t ever tell a woman to smile. Dude rarely even looked my way after that! Sometimes you gotta be blunt.
It’s called flirting. It’s always a risky thing to do because, as you have demonstrated, it can be a bad time or the person could be uninterested or both. Most of the time, you can’t tell if they will take it well or not, so you roll the dice and hope for the best. This man, however, being an older gentleman probably meant nothing by it and was just trying to be cute.
My husband has perpetual RBF. People say this to him frequently. He just gives them dead-face back.
It’s a shit power move by men.
Sometimes I feel like it’s those men believing they’re MAKING you smile (like a nice, happy, natural smile in reaction to something they said) and deriving some weird satisfaction from it when in fact they’re just telling you to smile without doing the actual work or putting effort into making you smile. Sort of like getting thanked for things they didn’t even do for you. Because why else? Why else would they not just mind their own fking business?
He probably didn’t mean anything it’s just an old person thing. He obviously saw you was down and was a half hearted attempt to try and cheer you up.
Misogynie mostly
When I was in my early twenties, just walking down the street, some random forty-something year old guy told me to “smile, it might never happen”.
I thought it was such a stupid thing to say. What if “it” had already happened? That comment would have made me feel like shit.
They DO it for fun, because their lives suck. The only way to make themselves happy is to dig at someone else who isn’t happy.
It’s pretty much just bullying, but they get away with it because what they’re saying sounds “nice”.
I had a boss at a summer job when I was in college who would routinely tell us to smile in the same “nice” way. A few times I even aught him chuckling in an ahole way as if he thought he was really being clever.
Why not ask the random dudes who tell you that?
I watched a youtube of a gal who would respond to dudes that talked to her while she was going through the streets, if they say hey wanna get married, she would say sure lets do it or something to that affect
Instead of feeling demeaned and irritated i think taking the youtubers approach is way better
If some dude told me that, i would say: I am sore, im aching and i hadnt had a proper break, looking pretty is not a concern for me right now
Ha ha ha h aha ha ha the funny thing is. This scenario happens very little. BUT…if a man mentions the word smile women want to be victims of a machisto world. It’s not men ‘telling’ women to smile. But me too has made all men predators…
I mean they are not wrong. Unless you have teeth like a caveman, you are always prettier when you smile. However, I would never tell anyone that to their face!
I like it better when they say “Wipe that smile off your face”!
You will die, then I smile and ask, is that better?
I don’t know why they do it. I think it’s innocent tho. They don’t want to see u sad or in a bad mood. But don’t know how to go about it. Like smile and you’ll be prettier and in a better mood 😂
A woman told a girl I worked with to “smile” during a busy day and she was RAVING about it for the rest of the day….
I think she was justified.
Some people just have no sense; men and women.
Because resting bitch face is kind of a bummer
Just some Boomer bullshit. I’d be furious if I heard that from anyone. Smiling does not equal a “better” job- and the ask is overwhelmingly sexist.
“Hey now, you’d sound so much smarter if you didn’t speak. Looks like neither of us are getting what we want today.”
> course it’s an older man
I’ve noticed it’s usually older men. Do the younger ones do this too?
They think you exist to get their personal approval. It’s a power play
Beachside they’ve never made woman happy. 🥴
Probably because they don’t have the ability to get you to smile on your own. Guys, a little advice, maybe have some fun and people will appreciate you being a little goofy, crack a joke, or maybe smile yourselves, there’s a reason they say a smile is infectious.
I don’t think it’s entirely a thought out process, they think they are being charming, but they have no context at all for your lack of a smile, they don’t know the day you have had, or how long you have been there.
I used to get similar with names or faces, some customers would get upset if I didn’t remember them, I eventually just started to politely explain that while I’m the only one they see, I see hundreds of people every day, its not realistic to remember everyone’s names, faces orders etc.
Tldr, don’t take it top badly, it’s just a lack of thinking from them.
This comment section is so telling. Women are here sharing their experience with this and discussing how it often makes them feel degraded and upset. And there’s a ton of dudes making nasty comments and saying they do it all the time and “won’t stop for anyone”.
I bet you anything a lot of these same men whinge about the “male loneliness epidemic” and they just can’t understand why women don’t like them. It’s unfortunate to see such a lack of self awareness, but at the end of the day their behavior ends up affecting them the most.
I used to get told this all the time working customer service jobs. It’s definitely a control thing towards women in most cases, I’ve never heard them say that to my openly grouchy male coworkers.
However, one time during the pandemic a random middle age guy in public told me to smile which was odd because I was wearing a mask so he couldn’t even see my expression and I wasn’t interacting with him at all. I walked up to him and bucked at him and he apologized and scurried out of the panda express we were in. I only felt safe doing this because it was in a very public setting and I probably won’t do it again because it wasn’t the wisest thing to do but very vindicating
See i give the attention they’re seeking. A man said this to me in the store. I was minding my business looking at an item completely unaware that he exists. I have a kinda serious looking face especially when I’m thinking. I hear “Smile it’ll be alright” as he tries to quickly say that shit and keep walking. Nope come back stupid. I need u to take something with u. In a nice teaching voice I explained to him that I don’t have to smile at him and that I’m not a clown or an entertainer. I also asked him to think about how unreasonable it was for him to expect me to be smiling while I’m thinking about what to buy. I told him I’m actually a kind and approachable person and that the response he was getting from me wasn’t like most interactions I have and it was due to him being inconsiderate and if he wanted to speak to me he could have just said hello. He apologized and asked for my number. No sir but it was nice talking to u. I think he thought it was going somewhere lol
I don’t know about older men, but I try to cheer up anyone who seems to be down. Though I usually try to give them a reason to smile instead of flirting or ordering them to.
It’s basically a type of catcall. They want your reaction and attention, even if just briefly. Now that I’m older no one tells me to smile anymore. If they did I’d probably tell them to fuck off.
Some men, and I think it’s older one as in your situation, view women as only existing for their enjoyment. They think you should always doll yourself up and look your best, so that when they see you, they think “damn she’s cute.” If you’re not dolled up, they see you as wasting your potential, and thus a comment like “you would be much prettier if you smiled.”
Men who do that are 100% assholes, and you should 100% call them out on it. I don’t have a clever response off the top of my head, but I’m sure someone else has one.
They dont lnow how to make a woman smile
I’ve never heard that actually happen before so who knows?
I’ve heard both men and women tell me to smile though. Still not sure
Unpopular opinion.. I hate when people have sour attitudes at places where I shop or eat. I feel like you should smile. I’d even go as far to say that he was probably trying to make you feel better after noticing that you weren’t in a great mood.
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The simple answer is they’re socially stunted and they honestly think they’re being playful and nice by suggesting that you’re pretty and they can see that past your frown. They have never felt the pressure to present themselves as attractive in the same way, and have never considered how it might make someone with more than a 1-dimensional personality feel. Because “It’S a CoMpLiMeNt”, so why wouldn’t it make you feel good? People are dumb.
For the same reason they tell angry women to calm down
Cos patriarchy says idle women should be pretty and make the place look nice. Like dolls with pleasing facial expressions, standing there decoratively dressed, inputting nothing to the mens discussion.
Because they are so up their own backsides with their own self-importance, they think they can tell a random woman what to do to make themselves feel better. Could also be an assertion of dominance, so for the love of God, don’t smile back.
Because man like seeing smiling women
I’m male and I was walking through a truck to get some lunch and I had an old guy tell me to smile. It pissed me so I kept walking and quietly said “fuck you”. Don’t know if he heard but I’m pretty sure I had laughing behind me.
Have you heard of “dress codes”, lol. Just an extension of this demand to look a “certain way” to serve their visual requirements.
“Cheer up” is just as annoying. The only valid reply is ” Shut up”.
I’ve always thought this was a shitty thing to say to a woman and is a lame, creepy attempt at flirting? I guess that’s the goal. It’s usually middle aged men or older as the OP implied.
If I (male, 34) see someone who looks like they’re obviously having a rough shift or something I’ll either not say something or try to make them laugh. That, or say thank you and make sure they feel appreciated
I respond with, “but you’ll still be old and hideous.”
Some men are very brittle. If they don’t get a smile from a woman or a praise from someone within the last 5 minutes their minds starts to register just how pathetic they are. They are using you and your smile, attention or compliment as a salve for their desperation and brittle essential.
Don’t ever encourage this behavior. You are not paid to be his soother.
Let this be your response next time –
“I’m already extremely pretty. I don’t need to smile.”
Because he’s a patronizing piece of gutter trash that’s why
I’ve personally never been told to ” smile more,” but never understood why the concept was ever said
A non smiling woman isn’t as appealing to the male gaze. Guys like this are basically telling women they need to smile so he can find them fuckable. You aren’t fuckable to him it disturbs his self esteem because if you aren’t automatically smiling back at him you therefore don’t find him fuckable.
So if he gets you to smile he’s happy because that makes him feel fuckable again and he wins out over the little frowning female who had the audacity to rattle his self esteem.
Bottom line it’s all about his gaze, his thoughts on you, his wondering if you don’t like him and you’re not being a cheerful little automaton who’s supposed to seek out the male gaze and smile back at men so men can feel better about themselves.
Women in a lot of straight men’s minds are the reflective mirror into which they look for approval and desirability. You don’t mirror back what they need to see it makes them feel crabby and unwanted.
Part and parcel of the service industry.
“You’d be so much more handsome if you kept your mouth shut”