After being together for 20+ years
Surely you’ll run out of things to talk about and know everything about each other?
There is only so much we can offer to one person so idk how they do it
What’s the secret?
After being together for 20+ years
Surely you’ll run out of things to talk about and know everything about each other?
There is only so much we can offer to one person so idk how they do it
What’s the secret?
Comments
“Never” is a very strong word for something that absolutely does happen.
Well, sometimes they do. Divorce, cheating, and generally unhappy or loveless marriages are all relatively common.
For the ones that don’t, part of it that you keep doing things your entire life. I dont run out of things to talk about with my partner because we are both doing things every day, trying new hobbies, learning we like new things, watching new shows, reading new books, etc.
Mutual love, respect, high trust, and good communication. That way, when you have commentary, the other person feels comfortable pointing out that you’ve said it before, or they respect your fresh take.
It’s like with longtime friends. You know their world view, but it can still be fun to get their take on some new situation.
We never run out of stuff to talk about. Our kids, our hobbies, current affairs ect.
My wife and I have together for 24 years. We are lucky in that we never get tired of being together.
When you find that right person, it’s right.
My parents have this “problem” you talk about your day and other things. You have experiences together. Whether travel, dates , or trying new restaurants.
Havent hit 20 yet, put we’re past the first decade.
All I can tell you is that’s not really the point. I don’t need to be finding out new things about her to want her around.
There’s plenty of new out in the world when you need it, and sharing it with the right person is awesome. Things are better with her here. Not just new things, but also all the comfortable familiar ones, the stressful ones and the boring day to day ones. That’s enhanced by how well we know each other because that just means we know exactly how to cover for each other, highlight the good bits, all that.
Every aspect of life is easier, more fun, more interesting, just generally better than it would be by myself or with someone I didn’t share that connection and history with. She’d probably put it differently but the gist is the same on her side too.
I’ve been with my SO for almost 20 years, and I find the idea of running out of things to talk about very strange. You don’t start a relationship with a finite number of things to talk about, then part ways when you exhaust the list of topics.
Solid relationships evolve over time, the world changes around you, you change as people, and you do it together because you enjoy each other’s company.
I mean if you were to just freeze your life and not do anything outside the relationship, I could see the running out of things to talk happening…but like you would certainly continue to live your life outside of the relationship and clearly there will be other things happening that you could talk to your partner about.
Like, you don’t have long term friendships?
Married couples do get bored of each other though
You only run out of things to talk about it you become stagnant. It’s important to still do fun things. You can have adventures together, travel together, have a family together. You can still do things independently like work and spend time with friends. There’s always going to be more to talk about.
Sexual alchemy
We do new things together and apart. Travel, dining, volunteering, reading books. My wife and I are always reading (or listening) to different things so we talk about that. We pursue our own interests as well so we don’t do everything together so we have new experiences to share.
Part of being married that long is we don’t need to constantly talk or entertain each other.
Also – no we didn’t know everything about each other. We weren’t attached surgically. We each had our own lives – jobs, friends, families. We did a lot of stuff separately.
Every relationship is unique. For us, it was two independent people that were happy alone- that decided to spend time together and share part of the life we enjoyed with the other person. We tried to make sure that we shared the best parts, and that we kept our own lives/selves up to standards because we both deserved nothing but the best.
Even if we didn’t have brand new things to talk about, we had a lot of wonderful memories and nostalgic things we could talk about.
That’s what people talk about when they say the initial feelings may fade. We don’t need to be going out on dates, finding new things to do, or worrying about impressing each other after a time. We just like being near each other. *Sometimes we didn’t, but most times just being in the same room or holding hands on the couch was enough to put smiles on our faces.
You can get bored, but boredom is insignificant next to the real values of lifelong love and support. If you’re bored, play videogames.
Married 25+ years and we never run out of things to talk about. Kids, family, work, etc.
And he makes me laugh every day!!!
We are both so busy with life we don’t have time to get bored.
People change and evolve. So the person you married isn’t the same person today as they were then. Jobs/coworkers change, bodies and possibly subsequent confidence shift, the world around them morphs as does their response to it. New interests or abilities develop. All these things make for an ever-evolving person and thus an ever-evolving relationship. It’s pretty cool if you’re fortunate enough to truly love, value and enjoy your spouse!
A similar sense of humor helps. Are there boring days? Yes. I look at it as we are bored together and not of each other. Take the “boring” moments as quiet moments to enjoy since life has a way of throwing crap at you like deaths, job losses, illness, etc. My husband and I laugh a lot. I think our humor has gotten us to 31 years.
My grandparents were married more than 50 years, they knew each other for like 60. At the end they were one old person with two heads.
It would be like getting bored of yourself at that point I guess.
It’s not that easy to find. You have to look for the person you never get tired of.
We do. Same way you get bored of your kids or bored of any family member or bestie. But you still want them around!
Love. If you marry your best friend and are mature you never get tired of doing stuff together. You may not be constantly touching each other in a sense but eventually as you grow from child to adult you stop touching and speaking to your parents less but your love for them grows stronger if they are good people.
I’ve been with my wife for 25 years. At around the 15 year mark, we struggled to find things to talk about and drifted apart for a bit.
We realized in time that other couples go through slumps too. And it’s normal. We also gave each other permission to explore new hobbies and interests. We shared our new discoveries with each other which gave us new things to talk about.
We definitely get tired of each other but we get exciting again. I think it’s important to find new challenges together so you can learn new things about yourself and your partner. Working on yourself and pushing for your goals is attractive. Also taking vacations or planning trips mixes things up in a good way.
Sometimes we just don’t talk, but that’s okay. Just sitting in silence, is perfectly fine.
They do.
I wasn’t married, but I had a 14 year relationship that definitely didn’t end from boredom.
It’s like asking how you could never get bored having the same best friend for 20 years. They’re your person. They know all your stories. They know the players in all your new stories. You don’t have to explain the nuanced complexity of those other six things that happened over the last eight years to get into the tea of what happened in the group chat today. They’ve seen you at your best, your worst, your angriest, your most disgusting, your funniest and your most joyful, and still slept next to you every night and gave a shit when it was your birthday. And you saw all of them too and found annoying things endearing and then annoying and then endearing again, sometimes all in the same week.
Boring? Not even close.
Most people spend their lives with others be is a spouse of friends or family
I personally never run out of things to talk about. I always have some work drama to tell or ask about his day. We reminisce on old memories or plans we want to do. i know this is a common issue but luckily i’ve never felt like i had nothing to talk about with my partner
Have you ever had a long relationship with anyone? You don’t get tired of each other because you are experiencing new things together, new stages of life, etc. You don’t run out of things to talk about because it’s not just a fact finding expedition.. every day is new so every day there are new things to experience together. A BFF that you’re completely comfortable with is the absolute best.
So the couples that don’t get tired of each other generally have strong friendship and companionship as a core pillar of the relationship..
Living together 15 years, married 10. We make each other laugh every day. Our inside jokes are so convoluted and we still reference things from many years ago.
Sure, we know a lot of things about each other. But we learn new things all the time. We’re def not the same people when we got together, so we’ve learned how to grow together. Ofc we argue but it’s pretty rare and usually just a result of tiredness and frustration.
But becoming bored of him? Like not just we’ve been talking all day and ran out of topics but like I want you out of my life bored? Hard to imagine. He’s so interesting and he finds me super interesting (or at least pretends to lol).
They do
“Oh we never run out of things to talk about” is great for some couples, but not for all. My wife and I need some time to decompress and can’t be up each others asses 24/7. I don’t get bored of her because I love her wholly. Not talking each others ears off all hours of the day doesn’t mean we’re bored of each other!
Been with my wife for almost 25yrs. I never get tired of talking with her.
Our relationship is built on the foundation of friendship so I’m sure it helps we had all sorts of common ground before we hooked up.
Can’t imagine a couple truly being in love getting bored of each other.
We’re hitting 20 years next year – she sees the world in a way fundamentally different than I do, and I value that immensely. I am a better person because of her, and having her perspective and thoughts about EVERYTHING makes my world a brighter, happier, more enjoyable place. There is not a single day we’ve been together when I thought I’d be better off without her, and every day we have been together has taught me something new about me, her, or life the universe and everything.
It’s incredible that there is this person who you can’t imagine not having in your life, and at the same time are constantly amazed that they see the world so differently than you do. The secret is that it’s not the things you talk about – it’s the things that you share without speaking at all.
I have been with my partner for 13 years, the answer is that we have both grown and changed significantly. We have things we do together but we also have hobbies and things we do apart from each other.
TLDR; keep growing and you’ll always have something to talk about.
Married only nine years, but already my wife knows exactly what I want, like, and need, and it’s nice.
They do. But a marriage is more than that, you are family. Think about it in the sense of blood relatives. You can get bored or annoyed or frustrated at your parents or siblings or whatever, but that don’t mean you want them out of your life, it just means you have to come up with something new to do to have fun again.
It’s only when things get bad and unforgiveable between each other that you would leave them. The same goes for blood relatives. If your mom did something unforgiveable to you, you may cut her out of your life.
When a marriage is done right, you learn to have time for yourself and time for each other. You are best friends. You are family. You are equal partners in everything. You put effort in when it’s hard and when it’s not.
People that leave out of boredom either stopped seeing their partner as one of these things, or never really did in the first place.
I’ve been with my spouse for 34 years and we still absolutely love being together. We can talk about anything and everything or nothing and it’s great.
Interested people are interesting, they are curious and open and look around them and interact and learn so life is rich and there is much to experience and share and learn.
Life continues as a couple. There are always new things to share. 20 years together is another 20 years of stuff to talk about.
You absolutely need sone life or hobbes that are outside of your relationship. Then when you’re together you have sonething to exchange.
First off, many do. First marriages have a failure rate of 43%. Second and third marriages fail at a far higher rate with 60% of second marriages and 73% of third marriages ending in divorce. This doesn’t account for dead marriages that only exist for the sake of children or some factor of convenience.
With that out of the way… The person you marry and that same person 20 years later are very much different. You build a life together which just so happens to give you a common topic to talk about. An upcoming holiday/birthday party, amendments to a grocery list, home improvement plans, etc.
And then there’s life outside of that happy little bubble where each gets to pursue their own individual goals. You branch out and explore new things and then get to share your triumphs and failures with your partner as you evolve. As such, there’s always new things to talk about. Mind you, this isn’t just hobbies or whatever. Sharing what’s happening at work is a tried and true tradition.
So in a nutshell, it depends largely on communication, empathy and effort.
If neither of you ever do anything you won’t have anything to talk about. If you do everything together you won’t have much to talk about but likely won’t need to. If you both have things you do away from each other you will always have those things to talk about.
Also, consider that you never really run out of things to talk about with your friends. If you don’t have that with your SO then you are wasting your time. Your SO isn’t there to be a cure to your boredom but to be bored with you. Through thick and thin and all that. You are two people living one life together. Sometimes you’re going to be bored. Don’t be boring if you can’t stand that idea.
I just talked to my wife. She likes to talk about the weather. It’s going to rain again soon. But the WAY it’s going to rain is exciting. Well, she’s excited. I’m supportive of her excitement but I couldn’t care less about weather that hasn’t happened yet. If she wants to talk about the weather in Sri Lanka then I’m going to learn all about it because I love her and care about what she thinks. I don’t think she is boring. We’ve been together since 2001 but I’ve known her since she was 18. We have never run out of things to talk about.
I think it’s the same for any relationship with a person you click with. Friends, spouses, family whatever.
I’ve been with my spouse for 6 years (married 2) and they’re my best friend in the world. We basically spend 24/7 together. It’s obviously not always rainbows and sunshine but more good than bad haha
And I’ve know my twin sister (and parents) since birth and we still talk and hang out after over 30 years… so yeah.
I honestly don’t know everything about my twin, and don’t really want to tbh 🤣 and that’s okay with both of us.
There’s always the new movie/play/album/game/book to talk about, or the stuff that happened at work, or the news, or your plans for renovating the kitchen, or… It’s kind of hard to run out of topics for conversation.
At any rate, you do get bored of each other every once in a while. Boredom is pretty damn low on the “stuff that will ruin a relationship” list, though, and, in healthy relationships, you don’t have to always be doing things together. Quietly sharing the same space while you’re each doing your own thing is pretty comforting.
be actual friends first
It’s impossible to know everything about a person because humans are always, always changing. But yeah, you can get annoyed at anyone you spend too much time with. That’s why it’s important to have a well-rounded life with friends, hobbies, work that interests you, etc. after you get married. You can’t expect your partner to entertain you all the time!
In 1 yr will be our 20 yr anniversary
We just can accommodate and tolerated each others crazy. When there is nothing to talk about out it’s quiet then when there is something we talk. We have our own activities we love that we don’t do together but we also find things/vacations that we both enjoy too. We give each other space to live our own lives but just do it together.
You don’t always need something to talk about. Silence is golden too. You know you’re good when you can just be quiet together.
We lasted 26 years and then she fell for some asshat bad boy type that enabled her drunkening.she grew bored of me and my sobriety.
In 1 yr will be our 20 yr anniversary
We just can accommodate and tolerated each others crazy. When there is nothing to talk about out it’s quiet then when there is something we talk. We have our own activities we love that we don’t do together but we also find things/vacations that we both enjoy too. We give each other space to live our own lives but just do it together.
You don’t always need something to talk about. Silence is golden too. You know you’re good when you can just be quiet together.
Because life keeps happening
If you run out of things to talk about, then the relationship is dead. I’ve been married for 15 years and we always have something to talk about, I think its that comfort that you can talk about your day with no filters on is something that only grows stronger as you live with another.
Do you stop being friends with people or cut off family members once you run out of things to talk about?
We have been married for 30.5 years (and together 3.5 before that). Each of us works, so there are stories to tell. Each of us has hobbies and friends, and interests, so there are experiences and events to discuss.
He’s my best friend. How can I get bored?
She’s my best friend. Anything I am doing alone is better if she is with me. Even being bored together.
My husband is my best friend. 15 years together and we aren’t the same people. You learn and grow and change together.
Did you ever run out of things to talk to with your best friend when you were a kid? Ideally being married is like that. You are sharing and exploring life with each other
I am pretty bored of my wife. But I still love her and intend to take care forever.
The answer is love.
My husband and I get bored with each other once in a while. For the most part we really enjoy each other’s company, we do really well traveling together (that’s a big deal).. we laugh a lot. Our disagreements are usually easily worked out. We’ve been together almost 25 years.
Maybe you could ask this in r/AskOldPeople
Marry your best friend. It really doesn’t matter if either of you get bored. You can be bored together. Trust me, having boring days is actually not such a bad thing. There’s peace in it. When you find your person, just to be still with them feels like re-charging your batteries.
You know the divorce rate is like 50%, right?
Difference between just hanging out with someone everyday and spending your life with someone. I have been married for a couple decades. We are not the same people who started dating in high school. Hell, we aren’t even the same people that we were 5 years ago before covid. We literally share a life together, and we both learn and grow from each other every day. I think most relationships just naturally grow apart as people grow, and it takes a real effort to grow together instead. My guess is those people who actually do just get bored with each other are just boring people.
Idk, he’s interesting and we basically want to live very similar lives.
I mean, I don’t get tired of my own company and I have litterly no stories I I have heard before.
We don’t have to just sit around and talk about our pasts, we experience the present together same as if we were alone and talk about the future just like how you think about it by yourself.
The big secret of a long happy marriage (I am only at 12 years) is to pick a person you like to get married to.
Laughter is key..45 years and we still can make each other laugh.
Some couples definitely do become bored with each other, grow apart, and divorce. However, if you both grow together and find new things to share, life can be as interesting as when the relationship was fresh, young, new, and exciting! My bride of nearly 42 years and I always have something new to do or share. It doesn’t have to be epic.
They absolutely do get bored of each other. It’s actually quite rare to meet a couple who are true soul mates.
I think it’s being comfortable around each other. You don’t need to impress them because they know who you are.
It’s like having the same coffee with cream etc. it’s comforting and you know it will always be good
My parents have been together 40 years. My mother’s unregulated ADHD really keeps him on his toes. There’s never a dull, or predictable moment with my mother
They do
Some people just talk, even unnecessarily. My wife can talk for 4 hours about the grass growing. And she repeat herself constantly. I think she really likes to hear herself talk.
Funny thing is she doesn’t have time or inclination to listen to anyone else. She talks at you instead of to you, or with you, and its tedious af.
I’m almost to 15 years with my hubby, I feel like we have more fun than ever!! I cannot imagine being bored with him. We both work at home so we have laughter all day. We genuinely just like being around each other. Honesty and communication is my best advice.
We embrace our common interest, playing co-op games together. When we want to do different things, we try to do the different things together. Our computer desks are right next to each other, so no matter what we are together.
When we can’t meet each others needs we find a solution. I have a movie boyfriend, we just go to movies because my husband hates theaters and generally is a snooty butt face about movies. He bribes me to be better about cleaning, I tend to be more like a teenage boy with my space. We make it work.
17 years together.
We have so many experiences together. We moved countries together twice. We buried our baby boy together and survived. We fought through the trauma and fought more to have our now two year old daughter.
We travel together, we share hobbies and have hobbies separately. We read the same books often and talk about it. We watch documentaries and deep dive into history and talk about our findings and opinions.
We both have changed so much. I watched my husband grow into a man and change . We all evolve and we become someone else in some ways .
We raise kids together and share so many memories and make so many new ones as well. We have a deep bond, he’s like part of me but can still surprise me.
We also give each other free time alone in the hobbies we do not share.
When he comes home I still run to the door because I missed him and want to tell him what progress I made in my projects that day or what our little one learned.
So much to talk about.
I’ve been with my wife for 15 years. Married for 8.
We certainly need our space. We each have our own hobbies, but we do very much enjoy our time together.
But I think what helps is that we give each other the space we need.
I have people I game with online.
She has a board game group she hangs out with in person and stuff.
And we don’t get in each other’s way with that. It’s about respect. Respecting our time, hobbies, etc.
And of course we have shared interests.
You won’t get bored if you Marry your best friend.
If you can not be comfortably silent… you are going to have problems.
We are constantly growing and changing together. I’m way different than when he met me, all for the better but still different. We also have kids, there’s always something to talk about when you add kids. You just have to put in active effort to continue to know your significant other.
My wife and I have been together about 10 years and we’ve consistently found new excitement and things to be curious about in ourselves and in each other, we’ve kept changing and evolving while keeping our core selves and values intact, so it’s kind of like we’re in this constant mixed state of marital coziness and evergreen honeymoon phase.
I’ve been married for nearly 15 years and there is really something special about being so comfortable with another person that sitting in silence doesn’t feel “boring” or have any stress or expectations on how the conversation has to keep flowing attached to it.
Married 10 years – i think new stuff that happens in my wifes life is interesting. Hanging out with the kids, watching a new show, our work days, it’s all worthwhile.
Almost 20 years and I haven’t gotten bored of my husband. We don’t really have to have new things to talk about, just sitting side by side in peace and quiet is good enough.
I think after so many years, you just feel safe with that person, so no matter what you’re doing you feel content.
You keep it fresh. You have common interests and you have separate interests. You do things together and talk about it; you do things separately and talk about it. You talk. You enjoy each other. If you feel a little draggy, mix it up. Do something out of the routine.
You have to change your perspective. Long term relationships are not based on “what am I going to get out of this,” but rather “what life do we want to build together.” It’s choosing to invest time, love, energy and emotion into that person daily. And they do the same for you. Both are looking for ways to give. Some days are definitely better than others!!
~35 years and it ain’t always easy.
Commitment is necessary, and an ability to accept flaws in the other. Thank goodness my wife has the grace to do this for me!
It takes work, and sometimes things can get comfortably quiet as you simply exist in the same space as your chosen person.
20 years here in May. Sometimes we feel like we’ve heard all the stories. Most of the time, we laugh and enjoy the moment.
After 20 years I find telling things to other people weird. I can tell my wife anything literally ANYTHING. Nothing to hide. I can be myself. That’s the kind of freedom you can’t get with even your closest friends.
Find a couple of things that interest both of you and you can talk about regularly. For my wife and I it’s cats and wine. We take pictures and show videos of our cats to one another and when we go out on a date we always order wine and it’s always an easy conversation starter.
Also, shit happens all the time. Either at work or with a family member. There’s always shit to gossip about lol
I literally never get bored with my husband. That’s part of why I knew I should marry him. We’re just happy to be together.
He is my safe space, when I feel truly at peace. Who could ever get tired of that.
some times you do bro
18 years together. There’s always things to talk about. Laugh about.
When u love someone they aren’t boring even if ur just sitting there staring at a wall with them
Well after hitting 51 years we still haven’t run out. People grow and relationships grow. As for knowing everything about each other – never happens. People change. I know my wife and I in our sixties are far different people than we were at sixteen when we got married. I don’t think we’d like those kids very much.
I think the key to my marriage (30+ years) is the ability to give each other space. I watched my parents and his parents wheedle and needle each other almost endlessly. I vowed never to be that. Sometimes we vacation separately! It is awesome. Absence DOES make the heart grow fonder. And you have to put jealously and insecurity aside. This can be difficult for some but you must overcome FOMO. Anyway it works for us!
Oh we do, trust me lol.
We have been together 20 years now. Life throws all kinds of new things to discuss, we seem to always teach each other something new.
My wife died in October after 30 years of marriage. We always had something to talk about. I loved it when she would share some antidote of her life from before she met me.
Been married 16 years.
It’s not hard if you love them. Like, actually love them. Not just tolerate their existence in your house for the sake of kids, money, etc.
It’s not just a set-it-and-forget-it thing, you’re both always growing and changing. You have to care whether or not they enjoy being with you.
People have best friends they do everything with for decades. Married couples are pretty much the same.
Its not that we are trying to learn new things about each other. Its more we enjoy doing things with each other. And if you get bored of doing the things you do, you try new things.
>There’s only so much you can offer to one person
But it’s not like that at all; it’s not ‘one person’. Nobody is the same person for 20, 30 years…
The secret is to understand each other’s change and growth and enjoy their company with all the different traits they add on with the years.
You only run out of things to talk about if you stop doing things. I’ve been with my wife for 25 years. The things we’re talking about now are things going on now.
They do they just suffer threw cause it’s cheaper
43 years here. We run out of things to talk about. We are both retired and spend most of our time together. I don’t look to my spouse to entertain me. We read a lot, we have a great group of friends, grown children and of course the cutest grandchildren. We have a few separate interests, but it’s not because I need to get away, we just have our own things. Before we married, we agreed that we wanted to grow old together. We are living that dream. Is it perfect? Not always. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Are you going to talk about the same things you did at 10 that you did at 12, 14, or 18? I mean you change every day. Two people learning and growing will always have things to talk about. I’ve been with my husband now for 11 years, 8 of those are married. We haven’t even really started to uncover nearly half the stuff we could talk about. I have never thought I knew my spouse better than they did themselves. I’m always newly surprised by the things he says or does and I love it. Heck tonight he told me he thinks I’m funny and it’s a continued surprise kind of thing but it makes me super happy that I still make him laugh about new things.
It’s the same as having life long friends/siblings for 20+ years. You never run out of things to talk about because genuinely like each other and there’s always something to talk about. Been married 28 years and we always have things to talk about. He’s one of my best friends.
Being really good friends, laughing together.
You marry someone you could never get bored of talking to. This is like asking how friends stay friends with people they’ve known for years.
I think that’s kinda the magic part of marriage/long term partnership. You find someone you don’t tire of talking to. It’s not that you always find new things to talk about, but someone to go through the mundane parts of life with. My (soon to be!) wife is the person I want to go over the grocery list with. Plus, I truly do find her really fascinating. Her brain works differently than mine and she notices things I overlook, and vice versa. I get a fuller picture when I’m with her, so I never really feel bored.
Some do occasionally but the point is they’re committed to staying together. Sometimes you have to relearn and reconnect with who your partner is and becomes throughout the years.
Average length of a first marriage is 8 years. No one has the patience anymore, aside from raising kids. Once the kids are old enough it’s time to move on. That’s why there’s so many single 35 year olds
Married 42 years now. Your question just makes me chuckle. Relationships change and morph over time. I am not the same person I was 42 years ago and neither is she. Relationships are not static…….
I have been married to my wife for the last 29 years. And there hasn’t been a day where we run out of things to say to each other. At the beginning, the relationship is based on physical attraction. But, at the time goes by, gravity makes things fall out place. So, communication plays an important role in our lives. We usually talk about short and long term goals. When the kids were growing up, we would discuss how to better approach their discipline.
With the kids out the house, she has taken gardening and spend hours working in the garden. She uses me as cheap labor to move soil or relocate a flower bed.
Most nights, she is reading a book by my side while I am checking videos in Youtube.
I see her as my partner that is helping carry the burden of life. No matter how heavy it might be, it feels doable because I am sharing the load. Have there been disagreements in 29 years? Absolutely! but it is never enough to say I will walk away.
I hope you will be lucky enough to find a life partner that completes your life.
You have to pick the right person. You never get sick of your best friends right? As long as you genuinely enjoy each other’s company and leave adequate personal time, it’s like that but with occasional fucking lol
She is my absolute best friend. Hands down. No further questions.
Each person still has a life. You still do things independently. You still find joy in doing healthy things apart from each other. Then, you talk about your day…every day….
Kids.
Sure, they’re exhausting and challenging, and there are good and bad times.
But one thing’s for sure: they DEFINITELY always give you plenty to talk about.
Being in the company of someone you truly love is almost like drug addiction in the sense you cannot get enough of them. There is always something to chat about and if not just something to do together or just plan enjoy being in the company of the other person. If you find yourself constantly thinking of that person when they are not around, wondering what they are doing, how they are feeling, are they safe, then there is a good chance you are in love with that person.
You read books and talk to each other about them. You read books TO each order.
You listen to audiobooks together and then talk to each other about them.
You watch movies together and discuss them.
You talk about food and shopping. You meal plan and talk about the budget.
You talk about your kids. You talk TO your kids.
You discuss what you watch on TV.
You discuss the weather and what might need to be done
They become your best friend.
You do hobbies together or separately.. and talk about what you have made or what you want to make.
Married 43 years. My wife never runs out of things to say to me. But, the truth is that even after knowing each other after 50 years. That there is always something that needs to be discussed.
If you have enough separation from your partner, you don’t completely enmesh, and you enjoy a reasonable amount of separate hobbies, books, movies etc them you will always be adding new perspectives to the relationship. Things get boring when people become codependent and stop being separate individuals, instead becoming a completely enmeshed being. Then there is nothing new to say anymore.
Because life evolves and changes and you talk about the things you’re going through
Love is built brick by brick- it becomes a fortress that can only come with time.
10 years in and more amazed by her every year. Our adventures, our challenges, our life is one that is unique because it is shared – not that we are unique – but the love becomes so. One only you can experience with that person.
In time- we change- we age- but those changes are from a life spent – and the story is one of intimate knowledge of that experience.
I wish I could share this with my younger self. But not knowing and doing this anyway is part of that journey.
Life brings new things to talk about every day.
If you get the right one, it’s the equivalent of not getting bored of a life long friend.
My Mrs is in her mid 50s & when I look at her I can still see that odd awkward, nervous but beautiful girl I met 30 years, like she’d fallen out of a space craft & they hadn’t realised they’d left with out her.
I sometimes see her just staring at the sky & wonder if she thinks it too
I am 10 years in. We don’t run out of things to talk about.
What I think is that some days you are bored of her, some days she is bored of you, some days your chewing drives her nuts, some days she goes to Starbucks and doesn’t bring you home the iced tea you like. Ups and downs and whatever.
I mean, it is a romantic relationship, that morphs, if it is successful, into basically being a family member that you kiss and see naked. Do you get bored of your mom provided she was not abusive and shitty? Or your grandma? I’m gonna say probs not.
Your spouse becomes literally your closest family, regardless of the lack of blood relation. In good marriages anyway.
How can you run out of things to talk about if there are plenty of them happening every day?
No, you know each other deeper – it means you have MORE things to talk about. But you never know person “to the very end”, only maybe 30-40%.
15 y.o.e., it is actually more interesting now than before.
A partner isnt about having a constant entertainment machine.
It’s okay to be bored sometimes. You can be bored alone or bored together.
Do you think it’s possible to be best friends with someone for 20+ years? Do you run out of things to talk about and lose interest in that friendship?
Same deal with marriage. My wife is my best friend, we are literally partners in life. We don’t really talk about past stuff much because we’ve talked it all before but we still talk daily about our daily lives.
“Do things together and grow together, or do things apart and grow apart”
I’ve been married 15 years and am still discovering new things about my husband. I bought him a balloon animal kit one year for his birthday (and to amuse the children) only to find out he already knew how to make balloon animals! We got married at 19 and this had never come up before.
There are always new plans, new goals, new challenges, new opportunities, new jobs, new hobbies, etc. I met my now wife in 1998, and we got married in 2007, and I’ve never been bored. Our kids help keep us entertained too lol. I know this is a pretty unique and special situation – but yet here we are. I don’t know “the secret”, but when in doubt I fall back to what our pastor said that married us – basically: “don’t think of marriage like each person contributes 50% to add up to 100%, think of it like each person striving to contribute 100% so the total is 200%”
Are you bored of yourself? Humans aren’t toys, mate. I don’t know what to tell you. 🤷
20 years next year. I cannot think of a single time when I’ve ever felt bored with my husband. I’ve felt bored with my life, with my home, my hobbies….but I’ve never felt bored with my husband.
You can still make friends, have hobbies etc. It’s nice to have someone to rely on for the deeper stuff, and you can do new things together as well
Oh dear one, they absolutely do. Many couples stay together for reasons completely unknown and never to be understood.
Do you stop living and experiencing new things?
Believe me there’s plenty to talk about what with Candace being such a bitch backstage during Nutcracker rehearsals and I fucking swear to God if Coach Allen doesn’t wake the fuck up and stop putting his loser kid on the mound there’s no goddamn way we’re making it to regionals this year.
When you’re with the right person, you never run out of things to talk about.
Marriage isn’t like being on a constant first date. You’re not performing or trying to impress with a bunch of stories. It’s deeper than that. When you’re with the right person, you’re experiencing life together. Every moment, whether it’s good, bad, ridiculous, or heartbreaking, becomes something you share. Something you laugh about, fight through, or reflect on side by side.
People love to complain about the relationship after the “honeymoon phase” ends. But honestly, that’s when the real stuff begins. That’s when things get meaningful. Sure, some couples fall apart at that point. But when you meet someone who truly sees you, stripped down emotionally and fully vulnerable, and still chooses you every day? That kind of love doesn’t get boring.
That’s the kind of love where you just want to be with that person forever. Even though, for the unlucky few, forever is never long enough.
When you build a life together, you talk about the life you’ve built and maintaining it, continuing to build it. It’s like saying “don’t coworkers/friends/castmates/business partners run out of things to talk about?” Nope because there’s always something new to do together
They do get bored..it’s natural. But sharing life’s experiences with the one you love can refresh the conversation.. time and time again.
You need to also have some alone time as well…or with other people..away from the spouse.
We are naturally social animals…remember that.
My partner is my best friend
Well ideally, you both continue to grow as people, whatever that means for you.
And the world is ever-changing, it’s not like once you’ve talked about your pasts there’s nothing for you to discuss. Most of us discuss current events, whether they be personal or societal, with our closest people. My best friend and I have known each other 20 years and we can still chat all night.
Married 21 years, and we are totally different people than those 18-year-old kids. We’ve experienced all that life has thrown at us, both lovely and terrible. And he’s the only one that understands those experiences and can relate to them. So we reminisce, we talk about work, the kids, the news. And we have new experiences together. And sometimes we just enjoy being close to each other without any conversation. Sometimes I forget what I’ve told him and he gets to hear it a few times lol.
We laugh together every day. He just gets me. Going through life is way more fun with him than it would be without him. There is always something to talk about because the world keeps changing. Today we went hiking and talked the whole time. Married over 20 years.
We are too busy fighting
People change over time and a long relationship means changing together. The person you started dating 20 years ago is very different from the person you’re married to now. If you stop getting to know each other you’ll drift apart.
I’m not a talkative person, neither is my partner. We often sit in silence and just peacefully coexist. But we always make sure to tell each other about stuff at work, new activity ideas, new hobbies. We consult each other on big life decisions. We watch shows together. We listen to music and podcasts together.
We’re not at the 20 year mark yet, but it’s been a while and we are definitely not running out of interesting stuff and I don’t see that happen anytime soon, either.
I think it only gets boring if you lose touch. We’ve had phases in which both of us were very busy and it felt more like cooperating for survival that actual partnership. But even in those phases we took time to talk about that feeling, brainstormed what we could do to help that. And even if there was nothing we could do in the near future, we promise each other to do something about it as soon as possible and stay communicating. Even if it’s just about how unhappy with our communication we currently are.
Communication gets harder the less you it. It’s much easier to stay on figurative horse, than it is to get back up again.
It’s all about routine and comfort, not some magical secret. After 20 years, you’re not looking for excitement, you’re looking for stability, someone who’s seen you at your worst and still shows up. Maybe the secret is, you stop trying to impress each other and just enjoy the ride.
My dude, I still have friends I knew when I was a small child. It never gets old
They do all the time lol. People just also have their own lives.
You’re looking at it the wrong way around.
You’re not there to be each others muse, you’re there to be each others constant.
The one other person in your life on whom you can absolutely rely and infinitely trust.
The person who ends up knowing you better than you know yourself.
They become that for you, whilst you become that for them.
Until one day you cannot accept a world in which they don’t exist.
>How come married couples never get bored of each other?
LOL
What do you mean lol. This is like absolutely common.
If you can sit comfortably in silence with someone, just being in their company.
That’s enough.
I suppose if you trapped yourself in a house and had no outside influence, and no desire to do anything, you would say everything there is to say.
My wife and I have been together for 25+ years.
Our conversations are around 50% about the present – how was work, What should we make for dinner, did you hear what <child, friend, politician> did today, current events and other things in the near term.
Probably 30% ish is the future – we plan our free time; what do you want to do this weekend, where should we vacation, do we need to adjust financials to stay on track for money related goals, new things to try, things we don’t want anymore.
As much as 15% is talking about things we find interesting but aren’t likely to impact what we do. Maybe this is better stated about “Stuff we learned”. My wife and are curious types who like to read about science, history and more. We’ll learn about something and share it with each other.
We don’t spend a lot of time dwelling on the past – “Remember when … ” and thoughts that start in a similar way aren’t a big part of what we talk about, but it comes up frequently.
Our problem is the opposite – keeping up with all the stuff to talk about
I don’t know about other people but my husband is hella cool. He used to be and still is.
You keep doing new things. Ergo, new things to talk about.
There are those moments where there’s less to talk about, especially if days became a bit similiar and routinish.
but if you do new things together, meet new people, and sometimes travel individually, there’s always something to talk about.
Umm…