I was at a coffee shop the other day, just casually ordering my usual latte. The barista asked me if I wanted to “treat myself” to a larger size, in a way that seemed oddly patronizing. A minute later, a man walked up and ordered the same size I had, and the barista didn’t ask him anything, just rang him up as usual. It made me think, “Why did I get this extra question, as if I needed convincing to ‘treat myself’?” It wasn’t a big deal, but it definitely felt like a small example of how sometimes, women are subtly treated as if we need more encouragement or permission for things that men don’t.
Have you ever had similar experiences, where you noticed a difference in the way you were treated simply because of your gender? It’s these little moments that really get me wondering if this happens to other women too.
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Whenever I go to the pub and get a cocktail with a male friend around, male bartenders will joke about “adding another shot” for me. Which is funny because I’m a binge drinker and the kind of person who gets too drunk and either yaps about videogame lore or disparages capitalism, so “another shot” for no extra cost is just a better night for me and a worse night for anyone around me who doesn’t wanna talk about Halo or politics.
I think they also think women are easier to upsell to as well. They think we have a harder time saying no because we want to appear polite, or our resolve is not as strong.