Why can’t we be nice and friendly with men them thinking we’re coming on to them?

Why can’t we be nice and friendly with men without them thinking that we’re flirting with or coming on to them? Why can’t we greet them with a smile without them thinking we’re interested?

I can name countless examples throughout my life or guy friends talking about how a clerk is “definitely so into” him and how he knows is because “she always smiles” at him and is “so nice” to him. Not realising that it’s her job to do that and that she always smiles to me as a woman as well.

Or how men think that I’m flirting with them and then trying to kiss me because they misread the mood.

I identify as a lesbian but I used to think I was bisexual, so I have dated and have had hookups with a lot of guys. Funny thing is, I have never ever had to flirt with any of them to end up in bed for example. I’ve always let them do that work. However, I’m starting to wonder if they’ve been thinking that I was actively flirting?

What’s prompting me to write this post is the anger I feel after it’s the second time a man is trying to “join in” with me and my girlfriend because he somehow got the vibe that we were into him. Our crime? We talked to him, we were being friendly and interested in what he had to say. He had wrapped his arm around my girlfriend as I went to the bathroom and then started touching her hair telling her how beautiful she was before she grabbed his hand telling him to stop. Then when I came back she immediately told me about it. I wrapped my arm around her and held her close with him still on the other side of her and then I held her hand, before I quickly realised that it was actually his I was holding. I let go immediately and wanted to vomit lol.

Last weekend me and my girlfriend went to an event where we have a lot of mutual friends. There was this new guy there that we both started talking to and hung out with for the rest of the evening/night. After me and my gf had left, he sent her a message on the event website complimenting her on all her beautiful pictures and that he wouldn’t mind joining in with me and her.

After founding out about this I messaged him, telling him that it wasn’t very smooth and asking him what in the world he was thinking. He and I had also messaged a little the day after the event talking about the good time we had the night before and that he wanted to invite us to a board game night.

He apologised for that message to her but he followed up by saying that we “had given him those vibes all night” and that my gf at one point had said that he should come home with us. Which I 100% know was just her wanting to continue partying with him because he was a fun dude and nice to party with.

But now I’m just so pissed by that message. No, we weren’t giving him those vibes all night. We didn’t give him those vibes at all. We were just being nice, we had fun, we talked, we laughed, we drank and we were just vibing in a friend kind of way. I was just happy to hang out with a guy that wasn’t trying to flirt with me, looks like I was wrong.

I really want to make guy friends, I just don’t want them to think that I’m interested in them in any other way than friendship. Why does this have to be so hard? I have a few guy friends that are gay, because that works. I have 2 guy friends that are straight, but without going into details, those friendships haven’t come without the sexual fuss. Are there any straight/bisexual guys out there who’re able to have platonic friendships with women?