I was 19 he was 59. Yes there’s a large age gap. At first we were just talking and he is just making me feel better because i have always negative self talk and he helps me correct it. He makes me feel better. He calms me and eventually, i developed a crush on him. He didn’t know I like him. we were only talking online. He is gentle kind. But the thing is, he is married. One day, I just felt naughty because of hormones and i told him about it and then he sent a pic of him. I got yk turned on. I like it. I felt wanted for the first time.
Just a quick story about me. I was always the fatty one in elementary and highschool. I got bullied because I’m fat and even if I like someone I can’t pursue him coz I’m scared he’ll think I’m so ugly( it’s the truth tho). I never experienced the love and the happiness from love. But ofc I crave it. I long for the feeling of being liked. I wnat to be kissed, i want my own love story, But it never happened. I want a guy that will make me feel pretty.
And then after highschool I explored social apps so i met the guy. I really like him I feel wantwd for the first time. And validate. I feel cute for the first time. Ik it’s stupid to think that way just because he’s talking to me ans sent me that pic, i thought he likes me so much too. That’s what I thought. But i realized now it’s not the truth. I have a distorted thinking that lust is love. I have this problem ever since. I crave validation upto now. But I’m trying to lose weight now and i still want the validation. Never been loved by a guy. And i want it. I crave it.
Comments
Um…
Celine Dion
At least ur making a effort to be better
As long as ur working through these issues you’ll be past them in no time
Womp womp
Lose wait for YOURSELF. Learn to love yourself. Once you can start loving yourself, others will love you regardless of your size. When you love yourself, you will smile more and it will show. I hope this helps a little. Feel free to dm me if you need to chat. (btw, I am 67, and married and I wanted to be upfront).
I wish you all the best in your journey. I will say that the vast majority of people don’t understand lust v love. Society has forced monogamous straight conservative normatively on us since forever. Weird wired to think “that person is attractive and make my bits tingle, that just be love and need to want to date them then get married and have children.” It is insanely common in hetero relationships because they rarely go through true discovery of sexuality, because it’s just the norm. It’s one of the biggest reason relationships fail, they think because the lust for a partner is what love is and it isn’t. So when the lust ends, they don’t know what to do with a relationship that was just built on lust and not actual relationship building. If you want some good attraction info, look into the Split Attraction Theory.
Girl what?
You gotta watch out for those darned hormones. They’ll steer you down the wrong path.
If he’s married how is he on apps facilitating dating? Maybe get your rocks off and think about how you feel about him afterwards. It might not be the same about wanting to get with him.
Then again, age is your asset. If you’re still carrying that extra cushion for the pushing, he probably won’t mind it if it’s only a physical thing. It’s just a thought not a suggestion.
You’re not stupid for wanting love or to feel wanted, especially after being bullied and overlooked. But no matter how kind he seemed, a married man who is 40 years older is not the answer. That kind of attention is not real love, it is someone taking advantage of your need to feel seen. You deserve affection from someone who respects you, is single, and is your age, not someone using you to feed their own ego. Keep working on loving yourself and wait for someone who gives you real, honest love. Not lust disguised as care. No more older men. You deserve better.
Ugh .. I had to stop reading after I’m 19 he’s 59.
That’s just wrong.