Hi,
TL; DR: I think my (f28) boyfriend (m24) of three years doesn’t really value me.
We have a lot of trouble going on in our relationship.
When we argued in the past he sometimes wanted me to leave the apartment where we both lived (it was his but I paid for my part) although I told him that I will move out if he doesn’t stop doing that so I did.
It wasn’t the only reason why I left because every time I explained how I felt about him playing video games the whole day and that I wanted his time as well, he started an argument and told me he doesn’t wanted to do any of my “stupid” activities. He also didn’t tell me what he wanted to do with me so I did everything on my own. I even went abroad without him.
Due to our jobs we often just 4 to 6 days a month of free time together but didn’t to anything.
I also explained that I feel loved and seen through words of affirmation and spending quality time together but he often told me that I should look for someone better. Everything I explained went to a huge argument. He always felt criticised no matter how soft I explained something.
As I left he told me that he will change and that he loves me and all the things I wanted to hear and I agreed that we are still in a relationship. I always went to his place, suggested activities, even wrote him cute messages, bought his favorite treats and left notes with cute messages in his apartment (I always did those things as we lived together).
First two weeks went really well, he was kinda cute but it eventually stopped as I went abroad for a few days on my own. I asked him if there was something going on but he denied. He didn’t really text or neither called. He didn’t even wished me a nice vacation.
I was really sad and disappointed what I also told him and guess what: he finally told me he was sad about me moving out of the apartment.
That’s why he is not able to tell me that he loves me, asking me out, asking for a date or to initiate something else. He barely texts or calls, he doesn’t say any nice things and he is just the same as bevore I left.
When I am at his apartment he is nice but if I am not I feel like I just exist for him telling me evey few days how successful his day at work was. And that’s ir.
I am really disappointed. I always asked myself why I am not enough for him and why he doesn’t give a damn about my feelings. I am drained by this relationship.
How can I react?
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you can leave. you have listed SO many reasons why you should leave him, first and foremost being that he admits it himself!
You left. Stay gone. You need some therapy. It’s not that you aren’t enough. This isn’t about you or how good enough you are or aren’t. He’s just a lazy jerk. It is who he is. It’s not changing anytime soon.
The question isn’t why aren’t you enough for him. The question is “hy do I value myself so little that I’m willing to be treated as disposable by the person that is supposed to love me?”
Words without action are manipulation, he gets to split the rent, has access to sex and I bet this absolute pinecone also has you cooking and cleaning.
He gets massive benefits from having you there, so he likes what you DO for him, but he doesn’t like you, if he did, he wouldn’t act like this.
Hope you get away and stop letting men decide your future.
The first few paragraphs were enough. He has literally told you to leave— so why haven’t you?