I (19F) live with my boyfriend (29M) in Texas. I’ve always used condoms with him and that is something we both agreed on from the beginning. I’m not on birth control, and he’s never had an issue with this, or so I thought.
Last night, we were being intimate. He put on a condom like always, and I got on top of him and started riding him. Halfway through he turned me over and started having sex with me from behind with my face down. Near the end he turned me over again before he said he was about to cum and he pulled out.
But I noticed something was off. I never saw him taking off the condom and he wasn’t wearing one. I kind of panicked and asked, “Where is it?” He just shrugged and said “it feels better without it” before finishing on me. I was freaked out and asked him “when did you take it off?” to which he said “a while ago.”
I was mad. I told him he never asked me. He literally asked “did you enjoy the feeling more?” and I just didn’t know how to respond. I had a long shower and when I got back to bed he held me and apologized and said he wouldn’t do it again.
AITA if I break up with him over this?
Comments
Stealthing is sexual assault.
You can’t trust him.
Nta.
NTA. This is ABUSE. HE RAPED YOU. RUN.
NTA
Girl, run. That man doesn’t give a shit about you, he is clearly willing to disrespect your very clearly stated boundaries and he doesn’t even have the decency to admit it.
Taking off a condom against the expressed wishes of a partner is sexual assault territory.
Get out.
I want u to break up just because of the age difference LMAO
NTA. Also you’re 19 and he’s 29 doing this. You sure he’s not trying to baby trap you? Pull out method often = pregnancy. If you don’t leave this man (which you should) who definitely assaulted you because that’s what stealthing is – there is no consent – then you need to get on birth control if you aren’t already. Doesn’t Texas have some pretty restrictive laws on abortion? Maybe it’s part of his plan.
NTA that was sexual assault and now you can see why nobody in his age range is dating him. he’s a creepy loser
You had better listen to what everybody here says. You were the victim of sexual assault by your bf. That should be enough for you to run for the hills.
Girl. Get Plan B immediately.
That’s sexual assault. Gotta leave him.
Tell him that stealthing is sexual assault and is a criminal offense and he can spend real time in prison for what he did.
And dump his grooming criminal ass.
You are 19 years old, you cannot even legally drink, you should not be sexually assaulted by a man 10 years older than you.
Go to the pharmacy and get Plan B TODAY!!
Get away from that man and get on BC if you want to be sexually active.
Why TF are you trusting someone else with your reproduction?
Unless you want a surprise baby or surprise STD, break up. NTA
NTA that’s quite literally rape
Absolutely break up with him. Not only did he sexually assault you but he clearly doesn’t care about you, your health, or your future.
That’s sexual assault, he can go to prison. Known as stealthing aka rape. Tell the police.
In my country, that’s rape. It’s called “stealthing”. In Texas, you’d be forced to carry his baby to term whether you wanted to or not.
He doesn’t care about you, your body, your boundaries, or your life. I would never, ever see him again.
Take the morning after pill today and move out. He’s trying to baby trap you
Dump the mother fucker already! That is sexual assault!
Yes you are breaking up with him over this. ASAP. What else will he do just because you might “enjoy the feeling more” but were not even asked if it was okay with you. NTA.
You’re 19 years old and a man 10 years older than you is sexually assaulting you. Girl, he’s trying to get you pregnant and in that state you will be under his thumb forever. Get the hell out.
He will do it again. better to break it off now for your own good.
if you forgive him and stay with him, he might even try something else you’re uncomfortable with knowing that you will forgive him. he’s 10 dam years older than you he knew dam well what he was going was WRONG.
Do not stay with this guy.
Fake groomer SA rage bait
NTA. Birth control is a negotiated agreement. Changes cannot be unilateral. Get someone better.
You should leave him. NTA.
But start dating your own age. There’s a reason an almost 30 year old chooses a 19 year old. They’re easy to manipulate. You deserve better.
NTA. That’s totally inappropriate and the age gap is a red flag. Dump his ass and get tested, withdrawal isn’t 100% effective and it’s best to check for STDs.
NTA get out now
NTA that’s sexual assault. He clearly doesn’t respect you or care about you or about all the ways his actions could have harmed you. Get him fucking gone.
NTA what he did did not have your consent and it was assault. I would pack your bags and leave like today. He does not get to make choices without your consent during sex. Especially living where you live that could have massive consequences. Please be safe and realize what he did was not OK. What he did was not love.
What he did is wrong and I think charges could be pressed (no sure though). It would be hard for me to trust him again. Sorry this happened to you.
He is a predator , 10
Years at your age is gross .
Run away. Run away fast.
NTA. You own your reproduction.
He will absolutely do it again. This is what older guys that date younger barely legal women do. It’s a creepy control thing. Break up over this and so much more than this. Imagine being almost 30 and dating someone your age….. it’s not normal. I am not criticizing you, the weird creep factor has nothing to do with you it’s all him. YOU can absolutely do better. And please get a morning after pill ♥️ I wouldn’t be surprised if he were trying to trap you. I’ve had a creep try to do this to me in the past. Scary stuff
Is it okay for an individual who has consent to move forward with intimate contact with a condom to remove that condom during sex?
In some cases, the law refers to this act as stealthing. The law defines stealthing as the non-consensual removal of a condom during sex. Allegations of stealthing are serious as stealthing is a crime in Texas. As if the potential for criminal charges was not enough to deter the act, lawmakers are pushing for additional penalties. In one example, Rep. Mihaela E. Plesa introduced a bill in April that allows alleged victims of stealthing to sue for relief and damages. The proposal is currently under committee review.
Everyone including the lawmakers in Texas say what he did is a criminal offense.
Get away from that shitshow of a man
NTA. That’s not just breakup-worthy—that’s crime-adjacent. The fact that he shrugged it off like no big deal is the biggest red flag of all. Run, don’t walk.
Yeah, NTAH, really not respectful period.
He’s trying to knock you up. If you can get the day after pill, I would strongly suggest you use it and then dump this guy. Also, don’t tell him you used it.
Please, leave now…
NTA, stealthing is rape. You should break up, report him, and get tested immediately. You cannot be sure he hasn’t been cheating, without protection and if he has something
Girl why you 19 dating a 30yo man..
NOOO its called Stealthing and it is sexual assault
Basically sex under false pretenses, you consented to sex with a condom, you were never given a.choice to consent to sex without a condom and since you didn’t consent it Is rap
I’d encourage you to cut ties, even if you can get past this it shows thar he doesn’t respect your boundaries
Also I’d encourage to think about reporting to this top the police. I say encourage and think because it is not place to tell you how to handle your business, however the reason I say encourage is he will do this again to other women.
Lastly I suggest consoder getting tested and taking a plan B. If you have only had protected sex to this point you don’t know if he is clean, and the plan B is to cover pre cum
Please give us an update and let us know if you need support
Break up. That is illegal and considered SA also you live in a state where if you got pregnant you would be fucked. He doesn’t care about you at all.
Get rid of this piece of garbage.
Trust me, it’s not the 1st time. It’s just the 1st time you realized.
There’s a lot that comes with unprotected sex, and are any of those things what you want if they were to happen?
Breaking up is NOT an overreaction.
If you decide to stay, make sure it is what YOU want, along with the future decisions in the relationship.
Good god. NTA at all. This dude is a pedo. 100% women his age find him repulsive which is why he’s dating a 19 year old.
NTA- end it now! The age gap alone is concerning but what he did to you was assault and I can almost guarantee it will happen again and it will get worse. He has proven he puts his needs before your safety.
What is a 19 year old girl doing living with a 29 year old man??????!!!!!!!
Nta
“Did you enjoy the feeling better”
He’ll definitely do it again.
Stealthing is considered as rape in both USA and UK, you may want to check your local laws but by all morale standpoints, he raped you because you had a form of unconsensual sex.
NTA, this isn’t cool and he should know better.
He’s not sorry he did it, he is sorry that it blew up on him because naturally you were upset by it.
He made that choice without asking you because he didn’t care what you want or what you would think about it. He does not respect you.
Know your worth, leave this douche.
That’s sexual assault and he’s trying to baby trap you.
NTA and you NEED TO break up with him now.
No. Break up with him! That is a huge red flag! It’s crossing a line and boundaries and shows he has zero respect for you. Also, borderline rape there; you didn’t consent to unprotected sex. My husband and I were together for 3 years before I allowed us to stop using condoms and another few years after that before I let him finish inside me (I’ve never wanted children, so it was always a big deal to me).
NTA. This is called stealthing, and it’s a form of sexual assault. Also, how long have you too been together? Because that age gap is raising serious red flags.
NTA I’m so sorry this happened to you. As others have said, this is sexual assault.
If you can, please do get plan B. There should be support charities in your area that help with sexual assault who can help you access it.
And regarding the age gap, this is not your fault. But men like this purposely look for younger women so that they have all the power and control in the relationship. And he’s now got you in a living situation where you have limited options. I don’t believe this is by chance. Do reach out to support charities that can help you – domestic violence shelters can also be an option to give you time to figure out another living situation. I wish you strength!
NTA, especially in Texas where getting pregnant can be a death sentence.
age gap is perfectly normal. only you know If there’s enough reason to work it out. By itself it is probably an over reaction.
I’m not trying to be rude by saying this, but you are 19. You should not be leaving under the control of anyone. You need independence. What he did is wrong. He ignored your wishes during such a vulnerable, intimate act. This won’t be a one-time thing.
You need to gain some independence. You need an escape, and you need to leave him.
A 29 year old man has no business being with a barely legal adult. It’s creepy and wrong. And it’s even worse because it sounds like he’s using this to have power over you.
Look at resources in your area and leave.
Oh he definitely needs to be dumped. What. A . Shit.
Would you date a 9 year old? That age gap really isn’t a joke. I’m 31 and see 19 year olds as little kids. All the way up to at least 24-25, it’s 95% just kids.
That’s sexual assault. Run. Date people your own age.
NTA.
With a decade diff too that’s extremely creepy. It’s creepy to date so young to begin with when yall are in COMPLETELY different stages of life or should be. So he was trying to “baby trap” you I see it happen almost EVERY day onnhere
10 year age gap. ✅️
Boyfriend does something that’s obviously wrong ✅️
“AITA if I break up with him?¿?¿?” When you’re never the asshole for breaking up with someone ✅️
Complete lack of boyfriend’s side of the story ✅️
Man-bad ✅️
If he did it without telling you he knew it would upset you. BYEE
People on Reddit are so funny.
I hope less of you reproduce.
Maybe go on birth control or stop having sex with people who were double digits before you were alive.
If it’s “rape, abuse, sexual assault” because someone on the internet told you so you’re mental. If there was actual abuse sure do someone about it.
If not have an adult conversation about it. If you actually care about this person you’d probably start with a conversation instead of running to random people in the internet for validation.
That’s SA. You need a plan B (if still any option in TX) and never be alone with him again. He’s a predator, that age gap and that willingness to SA is dangerous.
Stay with him if you want to have babies and cater to his whims for the foreseeable future, until you get fed up and need to escape him. He will make sure you have no money or independence to leave him.
He does what he wants and doesn’t care what you want.
He’s trying to baby trap you.
Please leave this asshole. NTA.
NTA, The trust is broken, without trust a relationship is doomed.
You were raped ma‘am
NTA this is rape. Run. And report him if you can.
In Texas?? Where you could literally die from lack of reproductive care?! NTAH, you need to run from this pedophile
NTA.
He may say he cares about you, but his actions speak otherwise. He put himself above your care.
19 & 29? Girl, the age gap was enough for any sane person to tell you to run. Throw in the literal sexual assault and now you should run to the police station.
He blatantly disrespected your boundaries..and the age gap is sus. Please run and get a plan b pill asap and make a plan to leave this fool
In some states this counts as assault…….
NTA- he broke your trust which is crucial in any relationship. Feeling better is not worth the risk of pregnancy when he knows you’re not on birth control (and you don’t HAVE to get on birth control just because he wants sex to feel better). Women can get pregnant from pre-cum. Access to reproductive care is already limited and restricted in Texas. If you decide to give him another chance, be mindful of your boundaries & whether or not he respects them.
He’s manipulated you into being dependent on him and now is trying to baby trap you. Run
These comments are so cringeworthy and shameful. You need to get offline away from this soy nonsense and have a long conversation with him about your future, children, what you both want. Broken people ranting about assault are not going to help you, they’ll just drag you down. Every man worth having a relationship with is going to pull stunts like this. Break up with him and you will just have to deal with the same issue again in the future with a lot more baggage.
NTA for breaking up with somebody that SAed you. I’d escalate and take it to the police if I was you. If he felt comfortable doing it once there’s a risk that he’d do it again, not just to you but to any future potential girlfriend after you. Leave, burn the bridge and salt the earth behind you. Sexual assault is never okay.
Plan B sis
Nta, thats predatory and icky. Dump him and he can get himself off with no condom
NTA. Please break up. He will do it again and this likely only the beginning of more abuse down the line. Get away from him fast!
Absolutely NTA.
Are you sure this is the kind of person you want to have a future with? If my GF took mine off during fun times, she’d be my ex immediately. You are well within your rights to kick him to the curb.
Stealthing is illegal actually in some places. Maybe you can sue him for it. And I’m also concerned about the fact that you’re still a teenager (a young adult) and he’s gonna be 30 soon.
Call the police, your boyfriend is a nonce.
NTA. The age difference is too much .
You most certainly SHOULD break up with him over this. This is a huge red flag, and a violation of trust.
Given the fact that you are so young, there’s a very good chance he thinks he’ll get away with this, hell be able to sweet-talk his way back to you. You need to break up with this man and make it VERY clear that you consider unprotected sex without your explicit consent to be a huge violation, and you are considering your legal options in this case.
Depending on where you live, you got either raped or sexually assaulted. The exact laws vary.
He’s old enough to know better. You also are at risk of pregnancy. Pre-cum has sperm.
NTA. Run! You cannot trust this guy.
You def need to grow up. You’re not even mature enough to be with a 29 year old if you think this is an issue worth breaking up over. You may want to go back home to mommy and daddy until you grow up and date someone your own age.
NTA- get away from this guy
He’s fibbing! He’ll do it again. Get on birth control yourself first so that YOU are in charge of whether or not you get pregnant. Next – examine why you’d want to stay with someone you can’t trust.
He sexually assaulted you.
Leave him.
NTA. Get away from him.
I would suggest you get Plan B just to be on the safe side. It’s definitely not OK to remove a condom without permission. He did it without asking because he knew you wouldn’t be OK with it so yeah, you would be smart to break up with him.
BTW, he’s trying to manipulate you by getting you to say it feels better without the condom. The fact is it doesn’t matter how much better it feels, if he doesn’t have permission.
30 year old man with a 19 year old…… Icky.