Dear internet parents, I am 65 years old, and I’m reaching out for a parent or even a sibling support.
Over 40 years ago, I married the person who I thought was the love of my life. We had two kids together, moved across the world to start a new life, and didn’t have access to help from anybody.
When I received my first paycheck after we got married, I tried to put it in the bank, and he berated me and told me that I need to let him handle all the money. From that day on, he has taken every paycheck I’ve ever earned and made every financial decision for us.
He had what is known as a “difficult personality,” then I tried my best too deal with it and protect the kids from it. Some years it was worse than others. He’s had multiple affairs and even an illegitimate child. Our home was filled with yelling and breaking things. I found out decades later that both my children had separately attempted suicide as teenagers because of it. Fortunately they survived, but no one actually was able to help them through it because nobody knew.
Eventually, the children grew up and moved out, and I was left alone in the house with him. Things only continued to get worse, and I continued to be scared to leave as I got older.
A few weeks ago out of nowhere, he blindsided me by filing for divorce. I was so scared that I grabbed some clothes and left because I knew I couldn’t navigate this process living in that house.
We are attempting to go through mediation, but he is trying to take most of our assets from me, which would leave me barely able to support myself and never be able to retire. I can’t afford a lawyer or a drawn out court case.
I don’t know what the right decisions are at any step. I have an overwhelming sense of guilt and feeling like the dumbest person on earth. My kids are helping me through this, but they are also overwhelmed. One of them has a chronic illness that she’s barely managing and the other one has children and a demanding job. They are traumatized as well.
I need advice or comfort about any of it from a parent or sibling or a cousin, none of which I’ve ever had.
Thank you.
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