Parents thought I was gonna stab them when I was actually planning to kms
Happened when I was 9, never told them my side of things. We had a huge fight after I asked my parents when we were gonna buy the toy they promised to buy me during a really busy time. Just blew up in face, I guess. Escalated and the only way I thought to get out of it was to threaten to stab myself. Stupidly, I just put the knife across me as if that’s gonna send the right message. I couldn’t even go through with it because the knife felt so big and I got scared.
Mom said I’m gonna be a future murderer, been with me ever since. I can’t blame them for thinking that, I guess, it must’ve been pretty scary. Can’t blame the lack of therapy or help either, what the hell do they know about that? Sometimes I wish one of us could just say sorry, but we never really give out apologies in the family, so it’s awkward.
My mom’s told my aunt about it too, so I guess I’m just out here tarnishing the family reputation. Sometimes I’m reminded of that moment when we fight and it hurts so bad because I can’t ever bring myself to tell them. Been told that no other parent out there would put up with someone like me. I just want to know if there’s someone out there who would’ve shown concern if their own kid did this, if there are parents out there who would’ve saw through me
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If my child picked up a knife and held it against themselves, I would be afraid that they could hurt themselves – not me.
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🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 I am sorry your mother didn’t know how to properly respond to you in a time of crisis. Please do let that stop you from seeking help on your own.
I had a kid that was actually violent, and I was very concerned that she would hurt someone. She hurt me a few times, but I never would have said that TO HER, or to anyone.
And we eventually got her a diagnosis of ADHD and severe anxiety. Medication, therapy and, behavior modification. Now she is just a very rude teenager!
That is such an overreaction on your parent’s part. I think you might want to look at r/naricissticparents. (I can’t tell if your parents are narcissists, but I think you’d find a lot of support.)
Maybe you can talk to a school counselor. Just to have someone to talk to. It sounds like that day was stressful for all of you, and nobody acted properly.
Sometimes it helps to write a pretend letter to a person, just to get your feelings out, and then tear it up into a million pieces and throw it away.
Maybe they were stressed about money or something and kind of upset that it isn’t easier to buy fun things for both you and for themselves.
Practice being kind and forgiving to yourself and others. Things will get better.
Please don’t threaten or think about hurting yourself. You might want to get checked for possibly being neurodivergent, because your response was pretty extreme. Never hurt yourself.
Listen to positive affirmations youtube videos, or motivational TED TALKS. Les Brown is good, and louise Hay, and Marisa Peer etc. – It helps.
I do recommend talking to a counseller as some unhealthy ways to handle things as kids leads to unhealthy adults (not saying you would be one but it’s possible you hold onto the guilt of it).
Kids can be cruel sometimes, childhood and teen years are full of emotions without wisdom
I can understand why this is really difficult to tell them. It also sounds difficult to live in an environment where people don’t say sorry.
How old are you now? Maybe it’s been long enough that you could tell them?
They probably won’t see see through it if you never give them the info. That’s just how it is. We only know what we have been told or taught. You wouldn’t know the real story if the roles were reversed.
Having said that, I sooooo feel for you. I remember being young, and my parents made a lot of promises just to shut me up. At first I’d remind them, and I’d get all this hostility back for “being demanding, when don’t I understand that yada yada yada …” When I gave up and didn’t say anything, they’d later bring it up and say, “You never mentioned it again so we knew you forgot anyway, so it didn’t matter.” I could not win, and it was so unfair. I would surely hopeci never lied to my kids with promises that were really just manipulations so they didn’t have to deal with me with integrity. I’m soooo sorry, OP. Never letting you forget what YOU did to THEM 🤬 sounds really familiar, too.
No, even though it’s not (in my opinion) reasonable to expect people to know things they were never told, it IS reasonable to expect them to see you, to give a damn, and to not just beat you to a pulp over your “sins”.
Whenever they bring it up just say “maybe I need therapy then”.
Say it enough times and maybe they will get it for you. With enough visits your therapist will be able to tell your parents that family therapy would be good.
It is time to stop feeling bad about what you did. You were young and it’s well in the past. When someone brings it up your thoughts should be “this reflects poorly on them not me.”