Here’s the deal:
I’m 55m, married to 55f, kids are grown and out of the house and we’re financially secure. I’ve been wanting to go to a particular music festival in my home state for a few years now. I’ve never even been to a music festival but it’s been calling me so I’ve been asking my wife if I can attend for the last three years. She cannot attend because she’s a HS principal and therefore cannot take any days off around graduation. She does not want to attend any music festival anyway, btw.
Each year, she has not allowed me to go. She says she’s worried I will make a poor decision under the influence that will ruin our marriage. I do not drink alcohol, but I do smoke weed and use psychedelics. She says young women wearing virtually nothing will be running around and I’m putting myself in a bad situation.
Here’s the thing: I’ve never cheated or given her any reason not to trust me. I’ve explained exactly why I want to go (community, adventure of going solo and meeting people, etc.) but she simply does not understand why I want to attend. She thinks there must be something wrong with our marriage because I want to go so badly. She constantly asks me, ‘What are you looking for?’ ‘What’s missing for you?’
I do everything for her. We recently sold our house and moved into another much more expensive house (which I was strongly against), but eventually I caved and went along with her. I fill her gas tank, take her car to get serviced, do all her dishes and worship her. Our sex life is fantastic. I feel unseen, unheard and hurt that she doesn’t trust me after all these years, yet she remains strongly dug in against my attendance at the festival.
Yesterday, she finally said I could go but only if I don’t take any psychedelics and just smoke weed. Fine, no problem there. I just want to go. I’ve never been promiscuous or lacking judgement even under the influence of mushrooms, but whatever I agree to her conditions. I then immediately went online and bought my ticket and camping pass. Yay!
Fast forward to her getting home yesterday evening and she states plainly that she doesn’t want me to go, regardless if I only smoke weed. She rehashed the whole, ‘I don’t understand why you want to go so badly’, ‘what’s wrong with our relationship that makes you want to go?’ and she also asked, ‘What will I tell my family and friends when they ask where I am?‘ I am beside myself here. I already bought the ticket ($700 no refunds) and I understand they will begin mailing the tickets out next week.
I’m beginning to resent her over this and I feel that my insistence on wanting to go will negatively impact our marriage. The scary part is that I seem to care less and less. I am just really upset that she doesn’t understand me and worse, that she doesn’t trust me. It’s almost less about the festival at this point. I just feel like I’m being pushed around because she doesn’t understand me and doesn’t trust me.
Look, I know this isn’t worth destroying my marriage over and I know I should probably just try to sell my ticket (if that’s even possible at this point), but this whole thing has left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Maybe some of you will suggest marriage counseling, which may not be a bad idea even though everything was great until this conflict.
Sorry for writing a book here. I’m just really bummed.
TLDR: 55m wants to attend music festival; wife 55f is dead set against it. She doesn’t understand why I want to go and doesn’t trust me. Already bought ticket after she agreed to my attendance under certain conditions.
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I don’t know. She has done insecurities about you. She is a principle of school. Anything crazy you end up doing even minor that makes news or get you arrested will end her reputation and career. That’s all I got.
I’m stuck on you needing her permission and the lack or respect that implies. You are both adults. You seem to respect her as a person separate from you. For you to expect the same from her is not unreasonable.
I’m sorry this is your situation. I’m not going to go extreme in this but for you to stand firm on being treated like an adult and given fair consideration for the love and fidelity you have shown her is not out of bounds. I have to wonder if someone is in her ear about this. Is there an outside influence informing her opinions?
> ‘what’s wrong with our relationship that makes you want to go?’
Nothing, it’s just your wife can’t replicate a fucking music festival for you, lol.
> ‘What will I tell my family and friends when they ask where I am?’
She can say: “he as at a music festival, I hope he is having fun!”
This type of shit I usually hear from 18 – 22 y/o’s on this sub, not from 55 y/o’s. So yeah, you two should go to counseling. She has to trust you to be an 55 y/o adult who makes good decisions, unless of course you have a recent history of making terrible decisions when going out to events, out with friends, etc.
> Look, I know this isn’t worth destroying my marriage over
No, the music festival itself isn’t worth destroying your marriage over, but the extreme level of distrust she has in you is worth taking a stand. Again, unless you have a history of making terrible decisions when going out and doing similar things. Like, either she is massively irrational, or there is something you aren’t sharing, either or both can be true, and both probably mean counseling is a good idea.
>She says young women wearing virtually nothing will be running around and I’m putting myself in a bad situation.
Dunno, that sounds like a darn good situation to me!
Updateme
Well, it looks as if after finally being against you going, then saying that you can, she reversed herself. I’m sure that she has her “valid” reasons for not wanting you to go, and has made herself clear in this regard. What she hasn’t made clear is why she hasn’t seriously considered why this trip is so important to you! Only her concerns seem important. Only you can determine how this will affect your relationship if you don’t go. I suggest that you make it crystal clear to her that if you sell the ticket and don’t go, that your relationship will never be the same again, and see if she thinks that it’s worth it. She has clearly put her needs over yours. Good luck to you both.
Man, you’re 55 and she seems incredibly insecure. I REALLY recommend couples counseling. She can’t keep such a tight leash on you or she will lose you, and also you need to know what her hard boundaries are and respect them. If not, it’s not really sustainable. I’ve been to MANY fests and they can get really wild, but I never slept with anyone lol. She has to trust you or there’s nothing. I can see both sides, which is why I think you two need to work it out or maybe separate so you can each live your lives as you see fit. You’re 55, I assume you don’t have kids in the house, you’re not getting any younger, this is the time to evaluate and see what you what the rest of your life to be like. Which could be traveling the world and having fun, or be a lonely old man who gets to party, idk! Get a session with a couples counselor ASAP.
She is afraid that you will rock too hard.
An unfounded fear. .
As there is no such thing.
I’m sure there will be half naked girls all over the place. But I think a 55 year old man will be safe. No offence.
Why does she get to control your actions? I think it’s great you want to try something new.
What other things has she put her foot down and not allowed you to do?
Are you sure your wife hasn’t always been this controlling?
For starters, no gaslighting here. There’s no reason she can’t go, you seem happy to part company with her though.
There’s a 3rd option.
She CAN take time off and go.
Festivals are weekends only, there’s no reason why you two can’t go together on the Saturday/Sunday only.
PS If you’re in California – Bottle Rock isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, the music is super low and hard to enjoy so drugs and partying is really all that’s left. AfterShock is complete fire! Coachella Sucks rotten eggs, camping is going to be myserable.
Idk I’m on her side especially because you do drugs. If you do cheat would you blame it on the drugs?
I’m 49 and my husband is 51. Married 30 years. Kids out of house. Financially secure. I am going on 4 trips this year by myself. I love to travel my husband doesn’t. No reason he can’t go, except that he doesn’t want to. I am not forcing him to go so he can be miserable and ruin my time, plus the extra expense. I typically say, “hey do you mind if I go away on these dates, to these places”. But in reality, he knows that is just a curtesy. I am not really asking permission. I am a grown adult and do what I want unless there is a really good reason for me not to go. As a matter of fact, if he told me no, I’d go just to spite him. Now with that being said there are a few places I have mentioned going, but as a solo women traveler he has deemed them not safe and asked me not to go and I have agreed not to because I’ve been to sketchy countries and done sketchy shit, so if he is concerned, I take that into consideration.
It is a hard situation for sure. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t want you to go, when you’ve had a great marriage for so long. Has she shown insecurities about other things or is this the first time? The older I get, the more I am trying to enjoy things I didn’t when I was parenting my kids.
I recently went to the Sphere and saw Dead and Company 3 nights in a row and took mushrooms for the first time in my life. May have been one the greatest experiences ever.
I hope you get to go!
Stubhub the tickets. Find a summer festival & make a trip out of it. She’s not wrong about you being under the influence (& knowing how it impacts your decision making) and you’re not wrong about never having done it before but why invite the opportunity now? Do it together.
For a minute I was like- is this a 22 year old writing this? Also, where can I find a husband this loyal? I’m in my late 30’s and my marriage ended for the damn lies, betrayal, and just plain disrespect from that man! If he were this good I’d be like “f them kids I’m going with my husband to this festival!!”. If I can’t go and my husband were this good as OP makes himself sound, I could care less what our family and friends think! “Damn right he’s having fun at the festival because I couldn’t go with him!”
Seems like y’all have some unresolved issues like most of us do.
Yes you need marriage counseling. She doesn’t trust you and you resent her for her lack of trust. That’s a pretty common reason to go to marriage counseling. You frame it in your head as being about just “a music festival” but it’s really about a lack of trust between the two of you.
Let her know you’d be willing to sit down with her and identify possible ways to help her establish trust in you.
For instance, would it help if you brought along a friend who she knows and trusts? Would it help if you took photos of the festival to share with her later, or text her updates or gave her a check-in call? If she’s concerned that your usage of psychedelics would put you in a compromised state of mind, would you be willing to attend sober (especially if drugs aren’t the reason why you want to go)? These are just suggestions from a stranger – in the end, offer and agree to only the things you’re actually willing and able to do.
>She rehashed the whole, ‘I don’t understand why you want to go so badly’, ‘what’s wrong with our relationship that makes you want to go?’ and she also asked, ‘What will I tell my family and friends when they ask where I am?’
When you get around to sitting down and talking with her, these sound to me like points you can calmly remind her that you remember her asking about, and respectfully address them.
You can share what exactly it is about the music festival that you’re personally interested in and excited about. Invite her to ask you questions about your interests.
You can share how you feel about her assumption that your attendance reflects there being something wrong with the relationship, and ask her what leads her to think this.
You can help her identify what she could feel comfortable telling her friends, whether it’s the whole name of the festival, something vague about you attending a concert, or an altogether lie.
You can invite her to share any other feelings or concerns she has, and you can either address them with words of clarification, or offer to mitigate risks.
Best wishes, OP!
Is she your keeper or your wife? The way you wrote this just makes it seem like she makes all the decisions for both of you even if you have a differing opinion. I’m not saying going to the festival is right or wrong, but it just sounds like you need some agency in your relationship.
Your 55 and you’re asking for permission ? Are you one of her students?
There’s a serious lack of respect going on here, and that includes your self respect.
If after all this time and at this age she is still entirely incapable of trusting you then what exactly do you two have?
I’m 43, Married 20y.. I go to festivals solo and do all the drugs.. had women throw them selves at me at festivals, even infront of my wife, never was tempted for a moment.. but I have had some of the most incredible times of my life at these things and nobody who actually loved me would try to deny me these experiences.
I’m in my 50s, been married nearly 30 years, and find it weird af that either of you need “permission” to attend an event that your spouse is not interested in, unavailable for, and is a reasonable social experience. It’s not as if you have asked to open the marriage or attend a swinger’s convention. Frankly, I absolutely find this level of controlling behavior worth torching a marriage over, but I have not accommodated it for multiple years. I don’t know what to tell you because it’s been going on quite a while and you don’t seem nearly as irate about it as I would. Although, on a 2nd read, you seem to be really angry about it and are just not as assertive as I tend to be. I think that if you swallow this, it’s going to boil over in the future. But she doesn’t sound very reasonable so idk how it can be worked out.
You need to sit her down specifically to talk about this. Why does she think you going to a festival will ruin your marriage? Why does she equate you enjoying yourself doing something you know SHE wouldn’t enjoy as you not loving her enough?
This sounds like a clear case of self-esteem issues and possibly co-dependency. Sit her down to get to the root of her fears/anxieties. Keep asking questions until she gets to the very root of it. Remain patient and caring and remind her that you’re just having a conversation for you to understand and help if she starts getting flustered. Self-reflection is hard, and it gets to some raw emotion that hurts to process.
Assure her that all of her anxieties are unfounded. You love her. You want to be with only her. You love the life you have built together. This is just something you’ve always wanted to do, it has nothing to do with your relationship.
What is missing? Fun, recreation, a partner that you can create experiences with. Take your pick. She is a stick in the mud, and you want to have. You aren’t requesting anything out of the ordinary, but her reaction is disproportionate.
I’m sure a lot of people won’t agree with me but if I were you I would just go anyway. I don’t see why she has the ability to tell you what you can and cannot do. And she needs to understand if you want to cheat you can do it right at home you don’t need to go out of town to do it. And she needs to maybe trust you after all the time you’ve been together. That’s what would really upset me if I were you that she has apparently zero trust in you. But anyway go to your festival enjoy it she’ll either get over it or she won’t.
Dude I wouldn’t even smoke weed if I was you. Why put yourself in a situation where your inhibitions are lowered at all. Maybe if you agree to no drugs or alcohol then she will feel more comfortable. Have you ever been to a music festival? Do you know what to expect? It’s mostly a bunch of people usually young, and usually high, at least that’s what it was like when I was younger. I don’t blame her for being worried.
Has she always been insecure about you going any place alone or just music festivals. She seems sus.
She didn’t “allow” you to go??
You’re not her child. Go.
She could be insecure about her own body/relationship/sex. And this is how it’s manifesting.
Also please do go.
Jesus Christ. I send my spouse off on an international cruise full of metal heads, many of whom are ridiculously hot and wear very little. I have never once worried that they’d stray. I send them off with a kiss, enjoy my alone time, and am excited for stories when they return.
Your wife is refusing to let you enjoy yourself or have fun because of her imagination. That is unfair.
It’s beyond alarming that you have to ask your wife’s permission to do a god damn thing. Has the dynamic always been this way, and you are just now deviating bc you actually want to do something for yourself and aren’t folding to her every wim? Is she always this unsupportive and insecure/paranoid? Esp giving the reasons of half naked people- are you not allowed to go to the beach, either? Better take Florida and California off your list of places you’re allowed to travel while you’re at it. Does she cover your eyes during sex scenes on TV, too?
I’d say seek counseling just to make her justify her lunacy in front of a therapist who will more than likely validate you.
It sounds like she gets her way a lot in your relationship. She is the center of your world. And that’s how she prefers it.
No wonder you’re feeling unheard. You are! Your concerns and wants are secondary to hers.
Counseling would help you two.
That’s crazy to me. My wife and I both love music festivals, it has NOTHING to do with problems in our marriage.
The issue here is, in my opinion, her being upset you’re enjoying something she isn’t. All the reasons sounds like excuses to me…
She sounds controlling, insecure and immature. And it kinda sounds a little like projecting…
I got nothin’ on this one other than I echo the need for serious counseling.
Good luck. And GO. TO. THE. FESTIVAL.
>I’m beginning to resent her
You brought the resentment into this all on your own, expectations are just premeditated resentment after all.
>I’ve been asking my wife if I can… I do everything for her… she has not allowed me to go … worship her
Look at how you describe yourself and your relationship dynamic, you prioritize her wants and needs any opportunity you can. You deviating from that standard, that YOU set and followed for many years, and after asking her permission is why she doesn’t understand you and doesn’t trust you. You aren’t being the person you have represented yourself to be for many years.
First off you need to understand many thing in life you don’t need others to understand, you simply need to respect your choices. But again the way you had your priorities over many years also means there is a lack of respect from her toward you.
Next, if you want to be upset that she doesn’t understand you, be upset with yourself. This music festival thing is you being you, and she doesn’t understand the authentic version of you because you haven’t shared that with her. That also sounds like some pretty untrustworthy behavior to me.
Being a Nice Guy usually isn’t all that nice for anyone.
Go to the festival, inform her about what all you are going to do and when you are going to do it, and than make sure your actions match your words.
You have a lot of things to work on, but one thing I need to say is if you ever ask permission accept and respect the first response you get.
You two are my agemates just about, and you’re too old for this mommy-daddy “am I allowed to go” “you are not allowed to go”. Just go. Controlling partners suck, and again, you’re both too old for this. So what if there are scantily clad young women running around? She’s too old for that line of thinking. You’re too old to fold to weirdo controlling behavior and insecurities based on absolutely nothing. A reasonable person understands that there are some harmless things a person wants to do that *have nothing to do with your relationship*.
After a long marriage couples are supposed to have trust in each other’s decisions,unless there is a reason for distrust. If your wife has all of the decision making final decisions,and you also have good decision making abilities,you are being denied your rights in your marriage, and that is a big deal. My DH and I have been married a very long time and neither one of us has ever told the other that they are not allowed to do something. It is bizarre to me. If my DH wants to do something I don’t want to do I wish him well, help him get ready, and we both enjoy the time alone or with friends. If a partner does go wild on a journey alone they create their own problems, and they need to be prepared to deal with the consequences,just like in all aspects of life. Your wife needs to step back and not bring her Principal career role into her marriage, she doesn’t get to manage you like she does the Teachers and Students. You have your tickets,go to the festival,be safe and have a great time.
Mannnn I’m so sorry. My husband loves concerts and I don’t. He’s been to about 5 so far just this year- enjoying little local cover bands to bigger venue events. He loves it and it makes him happy. I stay home and read books, which makes me happy. We still do end enjoy a lot of experiences together. Why does your wife insist on unilateral control over what can bring you happiness without making it about her?
Which music festival is it tho. Like I think it matters. If it’s one with hella 18–19 yr old girls scantily clad high on molly it might be a bit much.. lol
Just yesterday I advised a 20-something not to stay in any relationship where your partner thinks they have the authority to “allow” you to do anything. So I’ll tell you the same thing I told her: you are a grown ass adult. You can do whatever you want. Your partner’s options are to accept this or break up. Now, granted, that person had only been in their relationship for 6 months vs your (presumably) decades. But I think the basic premise still stands. Your wife is not your boss, not your parent, not your jailer. It is not her place to allow or disallow anything.
I do think this would be a great topic to discuss in therapy. Hopefully your wife will agree to go, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t accept that she’s in the wrong and therefore doesn’t think it’s necessary. I also completely get why you feel like this is bigger than just a festival, because frankly it is. She’s punishing you for the mere potential of misbehavior, when you’ve never done anything to warrant her concern.
If she won’t agree to go to therapy with you, you should go on your own. If nothing else it will help you reach a decision about whether this is your hill to die on. Idk, maybe it’s my decade of being single talking, but I think I’d rather be alone than with someone who fundamentally doesn’t trust me.
If you have a great relationship, that means you two know how to communicate. So use those great communication skills to talk to each other. She keeps asking you why you want to go, and thinks it means something is missing in your marriage. Have you told her why you want to go? If you feel like you’ve explained yourself, have you asked her why she does not believe your answer and instead feels that something is missing in your marriage? Have the long talk about this. Hash it out. Make sure both of you have time to talk and time to listen.
I assume you’ve been married for decades now so these things must have come up before. Why is she so worried that you’ll cheat? What other conversations have you had about this over the years?
I think it’s the whole wanting to get inebriated and meet new people she’s seeing as a problem. It seems like you want to meet others to be high fuck around. I get where the insecurity comes from. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go, but understand it will likely damage the relationship.
>I’m beginning to resent her over this and I feel that my insistence on wanting to go will negatively impact our marriage. The scary part is that I seem to care less and less. I am just really upset that she doesn’t understand me and worse, that she doesn’t trust me. It’s almost less about the festival at this point. I just feel like I’m being pushed around because she doesn’t understand me and doesn’t trust me.
>Look, I know this isn’t worth destroying my marriage over
Dude this is a massive problem. I also don’t believe you when you say that everything else has been great, I think that you’ve been lying to yourself, but that’s neither here nor there.
She doesn’t have a legitimate reason for you not to go. She’s insecure and trying to control you. This is about far more than the music festival.
Please do not sell your ticket. Please go to the music festival. Please, please, please seek individual therapy for yourself. Marriage counseling seems prudent as well, but individual therapy is definitely needed here. A therapist can help you figure out how to navigate these situations and where to draw your own boundaries.
Also
> she also asked, ‘What will I tell my family and friends when they ask where I am?
At the music festival?
Does she think every music festival is Burning Man or something?
Is the festival burning man by any chance?
The very idea of two adults having to give each other permission to do things…
I would simply go and tell her “deal with it” but that’s just how I roll. YMMV.
The careful bargaining sounds like a teenager and their parent. And who the heck moves to a larger, more expensive house in their mid-50s. at the age when everyone is starting to downsize? Is that another way of trying to control you by making sure you have expenses to keep up with? I’d go to the festival after scheduling some counseling for when you return – by yourself if she doesn’t want to go.
Your wife has a control issue.
I went to NY’s Governor’s ball a few years ago in my fifties and it’s fucking exhausting. I went alone, I bought three days worth of tickets and attended all three days. There are, in fact, many mostly naked girls there, but they are not interested in me and I am only interested in what I can already see, I have no interest in anything beyond that. My wife was not at all interested in attending. It was a big expense, so we were cool about it, but I didn’t otherwise need permission. I just said, “Tool is playing, I’m going as my birthday and father’s day gift.” I went back and forth from home each day of the festival.
The fact that she’s so insanely distrustful of you is HIGHLY suspicious. Time and time again the old adage “baseless accusations are actually confessions” is proven true.
respect your wife’s boundaries. if she doesn’t want you at a music festival, don’t go. period. it’s perfectly reasonable for her to not want you around topless teenagers.
Music festivals and concerts are the best; and you should go!
Wife needs to get over herself. Go to counselling if you must, but:
Stand your ground and have a great time!
Tell her that you are telling her that you are going to the music festival and that you are not asking.
I can’t imagine having to get approval to go to a festival as a 55 yr old man. Embarrassing
Women can’t stand to see their man enjoy himself. Happy wife, happy life. Happy husband, well we will have to see about that.
You’re 55 years old, I hate to say it but it’s time to put your foot down. You are going to the festival with or without her blessing to listen to music, not hook up with imaginary promiscuous young ladies. If she can give you an actual solid reason on why she’s so against it maybe you can try to reassure her, but you only get one life and if you want to go to a music festival, go to the music festival.
You guys might benefit from couples therapy to discuss her deep seated trust issues.
Seems like you should find a male friend to go with and just tell her you’re going
Why would someone who supposedly loves you prevent you from doing something you would love to do? That is the question.
Sounds like she has you by the short and curlies. I think you need to grow a spine and tell her you will be going and she can do with that as she wants.
I know a marriage is about looking after each other and compromise but there are times when you get to do what you want regardless of the other half and their feelings. There has to be give and take, which sound like she does all the taking.
Here’s the thing. This is not a debate. You are in a partnership not ownership.
You need to have a conversation with your wife. It should be planned and you should know exactly what your message is.
Something like…
“We need to talk. I am going to the music festival. There is no reason for me not to go, except for your fears, which are not based on reality. I have never given you a reason to not trust me. I would never do anything to risk this life that I love or the marriage that I cherish. All of the back and forth with this ends up coming to your question of why I need to go. I can’t articulate that for you except to say that it has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with us, our relationship…none of it. It is simply something I really want to do, so I am going to do it. I hope that you love me enough for me to want to fulfill a dream of mine that I have had for a long time and trust in me enough that you know you are my priority above all else. I will not do anything that will damage us. “
Let her react. Don’t take anything to heart. My guess is that she is used to getting her way. She will not like this and will argue. When she feels she might really loose this battle, she could get nasty. Let her. Don’t say anything but, I understand how you feel. When she’s done…said all her points. You finish.
“I hear you. I understand how you feel. Your concerns are based in fear. I am going to the festival. I need you to trust me and trust in us”
I would walk away. Leave her to process. Then, everytime it comes up after that, one sentence response. “I am going”
Nothing else. You have already said it. You do not want to get sucked into any argument and get derailed. She will try. Expect it. Be ready for it.
Going forward, remember that it is a partnership. Not ownership.
She seems to be used to you deferring to her when mutual agreement cannot be reached. Not this time. Tell her you want to find a way forward that doesn’t create resentment. A neutral third party skilled in mediation would be helpful.
Let my husband try to tell me I can’t do something.
Dear lord. Why is she making it about her?
“What are you looking for? What’s missing for you?”
tell her that you do not have an answer to that, but after being married and raising a family for (probably around) 20 years, it’s not unheard of to want to have new experiences FOR YOURSELF and there is nothing wrong with that. Healthy relationships are supportive of each other in their needs to experience life as an individual and to continue to grow as an individual. They are also strong enough that the idea of any cheating is beyond any need to discuss it. ”go have fun. Im happy for you, and will be excited to see you when you get home” should be enough for anyone to know that their partner is kick-ass and love them enough not to do anything.
Her not understanding why you want to go so badly is her issue to work through. You’re not obligated to explain it to her more than necessary.
it has nothing to do with your relationship. It is something that you want to experience in your life.
she can tell her family that you are exploring yourself and enjoying life at a music festival and she’s happy For you.
also, I’ve never taken mushrooms and wanted to fuck a stranger. Like wtf.
It’s not about the music festival.
You need couples therapy to get to the bottom of why she thinks you’ll cheat on her if you’re out of her sight for more than a day
Does she ask you if she can go places without you? Does she ask for permission each time she leaves to go some place? Next time she goes some place tell her No. See what she says…
It seems weird that she is telling you No like a child acting like your mom. She doesn’t trust you at all.
You are 55 yrs old and not getting any younger. Life is way too short not to live out your dream. No one knows what tomorrow brings.
Go and have fun.