It’s been about 3 years since we broke up. We’ve talked since about the possibility of rekindling, and it’s a no from her. I can respect that, although I am still devastated. We were friends for nearly 15 years, from elementary school to our mid 20s and went through so much together. I mean we were teen moms together! We got caught in a rip current and almost died together when we were much younger! I feel like not everyone is so lucky to have the type of friendship we had, and it was a once in a lifetime experience. I miss her, I miss her daughter, I miss her mother… they were all such in integral part of my life for a long time.
I’ve accepted that we can’t be friends anymore… I think? I just have so many things I don’t think I ever got to express to her the grief I feel. Every time I hint around at it, she just kind of turns the attention away from us and onto our daughters. Like she’ll say “yeah I’m sorry things turned out like that but we can make things happen for our girls”. I don’t want to force the conversation on her. I’m also scared of the possibility that she’ll just respond with indifference because that would hurt. But is there any world where it would ever be appropriate to tell her how I feel? That I still feel like our ending is a devastating tragedy? That I secretly hope maybe somewhere in the distant future we can put the past behind us and sing kumbaya again? Maybe I should leave that part out😅 anyway, TIA for anyone who decides to answer my question.
Comments
You’re leaving out the “why” here. Why did you break up? Why doesn’t she want to reconcile?
First of all, it’s impossible to really give advice without knowing why your friendship ended.
Second, your grief isn’t her responsibility. So the short answer is no, you should not try to express it to her. She manages her feelings and you manage yours. You can seek out therapy if you need to. But it probably won’t be well received for you to try and continue to reach out to a person who isn’t interested in being your friend at all.
>We’ve talked since about the possibility of rekindling, and it’s a no from her.
She’s clearly not interested. Move on
I don’t think you are going to get the closure that you want from her. She has said as much by not wanting to discuss it and based on the reason the friendship ended she isn’t emotionally available. It’s something you just may have to reconcile with yourself and move on, without being in each others lives.