Why do friendships often fade or end after changing departments, classes, or schools, even if things seemed strong before?
Why do friendships often fade or end after changing departments, classes, or schools, even if things seemed strong before?
r/AskMen
Comments
Login here to leave a comment
Proximity based relationships usually can’t handle distance.
Environment is very important. If you’re not constantly around someone that is your friend, that friendship may dwindle unless you 2 decide to continue virtually.
Priorities change and not being around each other affects your ability to keep communicating. You have to make more effort to keep things going and sometimes it’s hard to give that effort when a lot of other things are demanding your time and energy.
this is all normal. there are friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for life. you don’t always know which is which, at first.
Because when you get around to it most relationships are mostly based on proximity. Once the proximity is no longer a factor, you gradually realise that you probably didn’t have as much in common with that person than you thought unless you truly resonate.
Because most friendships are predicated around the ease of which y’all can be around each other.
This is absolutely relatable:
I struggled with this a lot when I worked in Catering, while in College. Every semester, we’d a crop of folks within my age range that would be amazing, fun, etc. You’d make genuine connections, even date, then by fall — poof! gone. Back to school. Never to be heard from again. Over time the lessons I learned were:
a. Be detached. Enjoy their company but remember they’re here for a season.
b. They were never really friends, simply acquaintances.
Same thing happened in my professional life. I have maybe 4 out folks out of hundreds I still keep maintain a genuine connection with, but even they are distant.
Any and all relationships are akin to a plant that needs to be watered. If you are stuck in one place together, thisnplant is watered automatically by interactions that you have by virtue of being together. But if you re separated, then you have to make an actual effort to water the plant and most people just don’t have time for this.
Because unless you’re particularly close and make a concerted effort to keep in regular contact, you will both get busy and distracted with your other friends. Shared interests change over time.
Friendships are usually based on shared experience. Once that shared experience ends, if another one isn’t found, friendships fade.
I tell people when they move on from the company that I work for that it’s been a pleasure to work with them, and that once they walk out that door they’re dead to me.
I’m mostly joking, and everyone knows that. It usually gets a laugh because it’s so strikingly different than all the platitudes they’re hearing all day. But it’s also kinda true, and takes the pressure off a bit. Like let’s not pretend we’re required to still hang out or chat on the phone. At best we’ll run into each other at the grocery and if I’m not quick enough to duck around the corner we’ll have an awkward conversation as we realize we no longer have anything in common. That’s just how it works.
Proximity.
You don’t see them as much any longer.
Life keeps going on.
Changed schools in 10th grade and watched my friend group slowly dissolve. The weird part? We still followed each other on social media liked each other’s posts but never actually talked. It’s like we became audience members in each other’s lives instead of actual participants.
Because friendship is partly a relationship of convenience. My bestie from bio class and I swore we’d stay close after switching majors. Three months later our daily texts turned into monthly we should catch up! messages that never actually happened.
Alot of friendships are based on convenience. Like when people settle in a relationship you ignore a lot of things for the sake of social interaction. Once you remove the convenience from the equation you kind of just drop the relationship all together.
A lot of friendships (especially male friendships) are centered around context: whether it’s you’re in the same school, you’re at the same job shooting the shit, or you’re doing an activity or shared interest. Removal of that context leaves a vacuum that if not filled with another topic will fizzle out the relationship.
You lose the connection you had and it’s simply not convenient anymore.
Because the world moves on, even when you cling tightly