My wife’s parents are having financial issues and asked if they could move in with us “for a few months.” We have the space, but I know from past experience that “a few months” can easily turn into a year or more.
I told my wife I’m not comfortable with it. I like my space, and I don’t want to feel like a guest in my own home. She says it’s just temporary and that “family helps family,” but I feel like once they’re in, getting them out will be a nightmare.
Now my wife is upset, saying I’m being selfish and that we should support them. I get that it’s a tough situation, but I also don’t want to feel trapped in my own house.
AITAH for saying no?
Comments
NTA. ‘Temporary’ houseguests have a way of becoming permanent residents. Boundaries aren’t selfish, they’re necessary—especially when it comes to in-laws and living space. Helping doesn’t have to mean sacrificing your own peace.
If you have a bad retation with them, then it’s ok
NTA. A few months is very, very, VERY vague.
Nta
They’ll never leave because they’re looking at you as their retirement plan.
Info: is your wife an only child? Do her parents have any brothers or sisters?
NTA
Help them get a studio apartment if you can.
I would not be able to function if my in-laws moved in.
NTA
NTA. Tell your wife you will let them stay if they sign an agreement that includes when they will be expected to be out.
NTA. You’re not running an Airbnb with unlimited checkout extensions. Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you sane.
Houseguests and fish have one thing in common. After a couple of days they really stink
Them moving in is a “2=Yes, 1=No.” Don’t blame you one bit. It is difficult to have others living in your home. Which should always be your happy place.
It is never “just a few months.”
Way too many factors to determine here. Are the super elderly? Sick? Unable to work? Or just bad with their money?
What do your in-laws expect will change in “a few months”? Will the financial difficulties will be fixed by then? Is there a plan for how they will be fixed?
Unless you want to have your life turn into a dumpster fire, there are TWO things you NEVER do….
Let in laws or family ( from both sides) move into your marital home
lend money to or get into any financial transaction with in laws or family
Guests, like fish, tend to stink up the house after a couple of days
NTAH
It really depends on her parents. If they’ve been good parents and there for you guys, then of course you should. It has a way of biting you in the butt when least expected. If they were shit parents to her and haven’t supported you guys or haven’t been a part of the family, then hell no.
This decision impacts the both of you. If you believe that your in-laws will negatively impact your relationship with your wife you should tell her that.
Talk it out. Get your in-laws to the table, hash out expectations & timelines. Put it all in writing. Let your wife know what to expect from you. “I will happily work with you to help your parents. I will not be sharing the burden of them staying in our home. They are adults & they are responsible for their own behavior. The first day that they negatively impact our lives or cause us to start working against each other, I will be asking them to leave. If they don’t, then I will leave. This is non-negotiable. Either we all 100% agree on this plan or we don’t do this”.
YTA – if you don’t communicate or simply dismiss your wife’s thoughts & feelings.
Eta – just because I am curious… if you & your wife had some financial issues would your in-laws help? Would moving in with them be an unreasonable solution for you?
NTA. Your house, your rules. If your wife is so set on helping, maybe she can find them a short-term rental instead.
NTA. Inviting houseguest is a two yes, one no decision.
Check out the tenancy laws in your state. In some places they’ll become legitimate residents after a week or two and then you’d have to go through an eviction to get rid of them.
YTA .. I bet if the shoe was on the other foot you would be throwing a temper tantrum how it’s unfair .. family helps family
NTA, ask if your parents can also come to live / stay for a visit with you for a few months and see how your wife feels about having your parents living with you “temporarily” and see what she has to say? How would that be any different than what she is asking of you? Perhaps when she realizes what it would mean for her to have your parents live with you, she will be more understanding of why you feel the way you do?
NTA – change the conversation. If it’s only for a few months, then what is their plan? How much money do they need? A few months means they should be just short of money for a deposit on an apartment. So, if they tell you how much, you can loan them that money.
If they don’t have a plan, then they aren’t asking for “just a few months” because it would take that long to get a plan together and start working it, so it would be more like a year.
Also, change the conversation on family helps family. Yes, family does help family, but family also should ask the details so that we can help the, determine if that is just what they need or if there is a better solution that we can provide them. Asking the details helps you understand of your helping enough or they need more help than you can give.
Just giving them what they want is the same as a child complying with their demand regardless of the impact. Your wife is responding like a child to her parents.
You need to convince her that you both need to respond like adults, and ask for the details, what is the plan for the new housing, if they only need a few months before they have a new place, you can fund the money to get the new place earlier, that way they don’t have to move twice. If they don’t have a plan, then it’s not a few months it’s more like a year?? And what is the plan for that?
Where does all this family helps family stuff come from…no one here goes out of their way for family …it will become a nightmare and none of you will ever feel the same about each other…including you and your wife
Write a contract stating how long and what they are allowed to do and not do. Don’t let them take over your house or your marriage will end.
NTA. Take it from personal experience, ‘temporary’ with family is rarely that. I was asked if family could stay for a few months 8 years ago….guess what? Don’t do it.
NTA do not do it under any circumstances they will never leave and you will definitely feel like a guest in your own home. This is a hard line she can help her family and some other way she’s trying to not hurt their feelings now, but what happens in another month or two or three when you ask them to leave and they’re still not ready? There’s resentment and anger and you have to go through the court to evict them and then the relationship is ruined anyhow. It will be another sob story in a few months- they won’t leave. If she insists , she can get her own place with them. Hard hell no.
Ask to see their finances first.
NTA
Some things are “two yesses” situations in relationships… adding family members is one of them.
NTA. IF you waiver and say yes it would be in your best interest to have a legal contract drawn up and signed. Move in and out date, penalties, expectations, rules. Everything you are afraid might happen needs to be covered. No signed contract no stay. Period.
If you give in and let them… get them a post office box to receive their mail!! If they get mail at your home it can make it near impossible to move them out without a formal eviction
Nope
No. Letting family move in can be very damaging to your spousal relationship, the relationship with them & etc. It can also end up being longer than planned and a lifetime of misery. Because once they are there long enough you can’t even tell them to leave if they don’t want to. You’d have to waste $$ in eviction court.
According to this app…..it’s never temporarily, it’s people who don’t pick up after themselves, it’s people who will change your routines, it’s a terrible idea.
NTA. Ask her if this is a dealbreaker for her, and if so, act accordingly.
NTA at all and it sucks how this is still going to impact your marriage and relationship with in-laws.
I told my husband proactively we will never let them live with us so he’s not surprised if/when the day comes.
My friend has an ADU and their friend needed a place to stay for a couple of months, that was 10 years ago they’re still there.
If you don’t want your in-laws in your house do you have the means to help them find an apartment or some other situation so they’re literally not homeless?
“Family helps family”. “Selfish”.
AI crap is so predictable and boring.
Uuu sticky one here. Are your in-laws responsible? Do they always have issues with living situations? If so, then YNTAH. If they’re not the type to loose a home or got into something that’s out of their hands and they’re responsible lay rules sign those rules and they need to give you a date of when they will be out. Or ya’ll or wife can help look for an apartment for them. I can’t imagine myself asking my kids if I can move in with them unless I m ill to the point where I can’t afford my living space.
YTA. Family does help family and it’s not always fun, in fact it’s rarely fun. You’d lose me over this bc if my family is not welcome then my husband wouldn’t be in my life either.
Having said that, set firm boundaries. Timelines and what they’re doing to get on their feet, no enter spaces that are just for you, where no one can enter, things like that. No involving themselves in issues between your wife and you. All these things before they move in. OR rent a small place for them instead to help for a few months. You’re all grown ups and while I get some people are jerks, most would comply.
NTA. Moving in with you solves the problem and once they are in your house they have zero plans on when and how they will leave. Family helps family but these freeloaders will suck the resources and peace out of your house.
Oof, this is tough, I can see both sides. I would personally want my parents to move in if the other option was homelessness, but you’re right that it’ll be tough to set an end date here. Would you be more comfortable if they signed an agreement, notarized by a professional, that this is a three month lease? Maybe they can pay some low level of rent so it isn’t overly comfortable for them? Would you prefer instead for you and your wife to send them money to get set up in some other place that isn’t your home?
Can you afford to help them rent an apartment? If so, that could be a solution.