So I have a roommate who doesn’t like alcohol much, which is fine I’m not peer pressuring him to drink or whatever. What frustrated me though is that he pushes his discomfort for alcohol on everyone else. Yesterday, my other roommates and I planned that we would have vodka crans and watch a movie. After I asked my other roommate (who would be drinking) if they would like one now, this one says “uhm, actually I’ve been around alcohol all day and I don’t really want to smell or be around it at all.” This disappointed me and frustrated me, cause everyone else had planned this out and were ready. It’s not like we were getting blackout drunk either, just a couple drinks and a movie. Originally, I was going to oblige, but I did say under my breath something like “well, if it bothers you, you can go to you room and vibe there.” I don’t know if he heard me, but he got up then and stormed to his room. He works at a bar and grill, so in terms of the smell and being around it all day, I don’t know what he expected. Later, he come out to use the restroom and just said “next time, warn me please,” followed by assuming that we weren’t going to oblige him at all by saying “well earlier, you all weren’t really listening to me.” So am I the asshole?
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So I have a roommate who doesn’t like alcohol much, which is fine I’m not peer pressuring him to drink or whatever. What frustrated me though is that he pushes his discomfort for alcohol on everyone else. Yesterday, my other roommates and I planned that we would have vodka crans and watch a movie. After I asked my other roommate (who would be drinking) if they would like one now, this one says “uhm, actually I’ve been around alcohol all day and I don’t really want to smell or be around it at all.” This disappointed me and frustrated me, cause everyone else had planned this out and were ready. It’s not like we were getting blackout drunk either, just a couple drinks and a movie. Originally, I was going to oblige, but I did say under my breath something like “well, if it bothers you, you can go to you room and vibe there.” I don’t know if he heard me, but he got up then and stormed to his room. He works at a bar and grill, so in terms of the smell and being around it all day, I don’t know what he expected. Later, he come out to use the restroom and just said “next time, warn me please,” followed by assuming that we weren’t going to oblige him at all by saying “well earlier, you all weren’t really listening to me.” So am I the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> What should be judged is my response to him saying he doesn’t want drinking in the living room. This might make me the asshole because it is a shared living space and he can be out there if he wants, but everyone else had planned this and wanted to do it still.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
>Later, he come out to use the restroom and just said “next time, warn me please,”
Sounds like both of you are dancing around the issue here. It’s likely not the “smell” of alcohol that he’s objecting to, it’s “being around people drinking.”
How all you roommates navigate that incompatibility in shared spaces is something to actually discuss. Flippant under-your-breath remarks don’t count. And your title doesn’t match your post details in terms of what he actually said.
ESH, Everyone Sucks Here.
ESH, I suspect a little your roommate might have a drinking problem.
NTA. Most adults who can handle their liquor don’t have a problem. You have absolutely have the right to drink in your home,even if he doesn’t like it. Tell the moody child to go to his room. If he continues to be a pain, I would start complaining about something he enjoys. Give him a taste of his own medicine.
NTA. Drinking a couple of vodka spritzers and watching a movie is totally normal and you’re not responsible for anyone else’s comfort.
ESH or NAH. You’re just fundamentally incompatible as roommates.
YTA for mumbling under your breath. That passive aggressive shit is super annoying.
Nta. Not sure who he thinks he is that he gets to dictate what other adults do. Childish.
ESH
Have yall actually had a conversation about this? Because you should.
Some people have trauma around alcohol. This doesn’t mean your expectation is unreasonable, but it does mean that there very well could be more to this than “He’s imposing his choices on us”.
Honestly, if he really is happy to be given a warning before you bust out alcohol and he’ll handle himself from there, that seems fair. Poorly communicated, but fair. You wanting to have a few drinks with friends is also fair. Neither of you seem to have properly shared your expectations with eachother.
He shouldn’t expect you to be a mind reader. You should be less dismissive, and communicate in a manner beyond muttering under your breath.
He rooms with shes or shes and hims? Lot to unpack and none will make it any clearer on what is making him uncomfortable, he may not be willing to admit it or even know himself. Is it the debauchery he’s seen working bars? I’m 20 years in and I’ve seen dead people, not in a Haley Joel Osment kinda way. His childhood? It could be nonsensical like he’s had girls act… Uhhh… Let’s say funny when they’re drunk around him and it was a horrible experience every time. Don’t think you’d take that one well so no use in saying it. Overall, I hope you can all find some peace here. No one is over reacting here, yet.
At lease end get another roommate. This one isn’t comparable.
NTA.
I didnt know alcohol smelled that much to be a problem.
Roommate has issues
ESH here. Your roommate for trying to push his discomfort on alcohol on his roommates, and you for being seemingly personally offended by the fact that he doesn’t want to drink. Y’all both could stand learn you aren’t the main character.
ESH. Your roommate can’t expect you to not have a few drinks on a Friday night if you want to. But would it kill you to give him an advance warning when you know how he feels about drinking?
your mentioned you planned this with your roommates beforehand. was this roommate privy to the plans in advance or was this the first time they heard the plan? if they knew ahead of time, then NTA. they could have made arrangements instead of pudding the burden on y’all.
NTA if you really just planning on having a couple of drinks. He doesn’t get to decide what you put in your body as long as you aren’t affecting others.