Like the title above. I honestly don’t know.
So, for context; my father and I have never had a relationship because he was an absent, deadbeat, alcoholic, drug user, and cheater of a man. To me, and any memories I have of the man, are very bad. Like I would have had my arm cut off bad.
But everyone around me is like “but he was such a good man” and “you should have a relationship with him”, “reach out and call him”, “he’s your dad in the end”, or stuff like that.
Like, yeah maybe this man was a good man and he loved me as a child. But he wasn’t a good father. Hell, he wasn’t even a decent human being for all I can remember.
And he has this voice, you know the kind that’s sounds soft and gentle. He knows his way around words and into people’s hearts.
So, that brings me to my issue.
I, I don’t know if I should be called an idiot or whatever, gave into the pressure and finally talked to the guy. I mean, I really don’t want to but also, I’m fucking fed up. Why the fuck should I reach out to his fucking guy???? Why the fuck should I give him a chance????
Well, fuck it. I gave the call and we talked. And it’s a E-. Like he’s so close to failing it’s one step ahead.
He’s fucking useless, I have to be the one to call him or he’ll just fuck off for weeks on end like dude??? You said he never stopped loving me and you want a relationship but you refuse to do that work????
And he never has. Like this man is a sorry excuse of a human. A spoiled brat, so highly specialised in weaponized incompetence that he somehow married my godsend of a mother.
I just need advice on how to deal with this shitshow.
Would I love to cut him off? Sure, what difference is there. He ain’t doing anything.
Then why? Well, this man has had it so easy, and I know he has, that I want to make it difficult.
So, basically. I guess I’m asking on how to know if he is making a fool of me and how to avoid it.
Sorry, this became a bit of a rant. But I would love to get any sort of advice or something really.
Have a good day.
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You should maintain the boundary that is healthiest for you. If that means no contact, that’s OK. No one else’s opinion matters.
This is a choice only you can make, and no one else can.
If you don’t want to keep contact with him, so be it, you are not obligated to do so.
Don’t deal with people if you don’t want to.
You don’t owe him anything. Just block him and move on
I’d say to these people that to You he may be those kind things, but to me, as a child when I needed love and kindness the most, he was a monster. His actions then were a constant darkness in my life, and a shadow that I will carry with me for the all of my life. How YOU feel about any of is completely irrelevant and nonsensical in the grand scheme of MY life and how this man has effected me. I don’t stick my nose in your personal trauma, stay out of mine – and unless you have a psychiatry degree I don’t know about, recommending trauma victims “forgive and forget” is dismissive at the least, and just a perpetuation of the trauma that I’ve managed to escape. It is constant revictimization, where you ignore my pain in support of the man who caused it. Absolutely not.
If you want nothing to do with the guy, you are entitled to that and don’t need to feel guilty just because he provided the sperm.
I can tell you I stopped talking to my dad at 16 and close to 20 years later I have no regrets. He’s made a few half assed attempts to bribe me into talking to him again. I’m pretty fucking poor, partially because of him but I made my own mistakes, I try not to put all the blame on someone else, so it can be hard but it’s never enough to make it worthwhile.
If he ever wants to give me a few k maybe I’ll give him one conversation, and it’ll be in a public place for my safety and his. Because I bet I could beat his ass worse than he did mine now and I would love the opportunity.