Names and ages have been changed for obvious reasons.
My nephew let’s call him Jessie was born to an asshole dad from the start, he wanted nothing to do with him and my sisters relationship with him fizzled out within a year of him being born. But my sister (now 40) decided to keep everything a secret about him being his father and did not want him to know. He’s older now and my sister (I’ll call her Gina) now has 2 other kids that are each 2 years apart from each other with her now husband John, so 19,17,15 each.
Growing up Jessie always knew he was different from his siblings, different eye color, different hair color, different looks, basically does not look anything like his siblings and has been questioning that.
His “father” never really treated him like a son (he was treated different from his siblings, he has said that my own dad (his grandfather) treats him more like a son than his own “father”and I think that’s part of the reason why these questions came about for him. He has asked others in the family why he is different from his siblings and no one has a good enough excuse to convince him. I know if he took one of those 23 and me tests he would know for sure but I think he’s scared to know the truth. It’s hard watching him go through life questioning these things and I think my sister should have told him a long time ago. This is something I would definitely want to know.
Anyways after he graduated high school he moved back home where we live ( a few states away from where my sister Gina lives) and now l’m seeing him a lot more and he brings up this stuff all the time. About how he looks absolutely nothing like his siblings and just doesn’t understand. My family has talked about this with Gina in the past and she is set on him not knowing. I don’t think it should come from me and my family have all tried convincing my sister to tell him the truth but she is dead set on him not knowing. It kills me seeing him like this but it’s really not my place to say anything BUT he is an adult now and figuring things out and I really think he wants to know.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: Names and ages have been changed for obvious reasons.
My nephew let’s call him Jessie was born to an asshole dad from the start, he wanted nothing to do with him and my sisters relationship with him fizzled out within a year of him being born. But my sister (now 40) decided to keep everything a secret about him being his father and did not want him to know. He’s older now and my sister (I’ll call her Gina) now has 2 other kids that are each 2 years apart from each other with her now husband John, so 19,17,15 each.
Growing up Jessie always knew he was different from his siblings, different eye color, different hair color, different looks, basically does not look anything like his siblings and has been questioning that.
His “father” never really treated him like a son (he was treated different from his siblings, he has said that my own dad (his grandfather) treats him more like a son than his own “father”and I think that’s part of the reason why these questions came about for him. He has asked others in the family why he is different from his siblings and no one has a good enough excuse to convince him. I know if he took one of those 23 and me tests he would know for sure but I think he’s scared to know the truth. It’s hard watching him go through life questioning these things and I think my sister should have told him a long time ago. This is something I would definitely want to know.
Anyways after he graduated high school he moved back home where we live ( a few states away from where my sister Gina lives) and now l’m seeing him a lot more and he brings up this stuff all the time. About how he looks absolutely nothing like his siblings and just doesn’t understand. My family has talked about this with Gina in the past and she is set on him not knowing. I don’t think it should come from me and my family have all tried convincing my sister to tell him the truth but she is dead set on him not knowing. It kills me seeing him like this but it’s really not my place to say anything BUT he is an adult now and figuring things out and I really think he wants to know.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We’d like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you’ll
get a nifty flair change to let you know and we’ll drop a link so you can see our host’s take on your story.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Yes, you would be an asshole. This is not your story to tell.
I would say screw the sister (especially for marrying a man that is biased against her own damn son) and just tell him. That parental relationship is better off gone.
Does your sister know that he’s asking questions and making connections? What’s she going to do if he ever does a genealogy test and discovers that he’s connected to strangers through dna?
I would be just as torn as you are. I would be having conversations with sis about expecting you to participate in the lie being too much of a moral weight. I feel bad for your nephew.
You would be talking out of turn. It’s a tough one. I would probably tell him even though it is best coming from your sister. Realizing the different appearance and treatment but not knowing seems harmful.
Can you tell him to take a dna test if he thinks it will give him answers? Or just tell him. Your sister is part of the problem. Tell her to tell him the truth or you will. Give a date.
He should take a 23andMe or something similar. He’s an adult and should be able to offer one by himself.
You should stay out of it. If he asks, remind him tests are available and leave it at that. When he eventually finds out there’s going to be a lot of charged emotions for everyone and you don’t need to make yourself a target. It’s not your place.
Damn, this is a sticky wicket. I can certainly understand you wanting to tell him. It almost seems as if he knows and wants confirmation. It really should come from his mom. If she wants to have any sort of future relationship with her son, she needs to fess up.
Yes
I would tell him, he’s an adult now
Tell him if it’s bothering him that much, take a DNA test. That gets you off the hook and gives him his answers.
UpdateMe
Do the 23 and me test. The test will give him some information. Then he can ask his mother questions.